Dad Advice Thread

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  • HijoDMaite3

    My 16 year old girl is getting ready to apply to colleges. She has, for years, been set on becoming an elementary school teacher. That is fine and all and I have been careful not to discourage her from this decision but seriously, I think always thought she should reconsider. I was happy to hear that her counselor told her this week that he would hate to see her intelligence go to waste, she has always been a straight "A" student, she is ranked #7 in her class. So the counselor convinced her to be open to other careers and she has done that. I am so happy that he said that because it's difficult for me to convince her without her and my wife making me feel like I am "crushing her dreams". Look, I get it know teaching is great, and we need good teachers and all that, but I am just being a realist here. She can do way better.

    So now she is looking at what she loves and that is Math. She would also like to open up her own business one day, so she is thinking Math major with minor in Business or double major.

    This is what her requirements are up to now:

    work with people
    work in "happy" environment
    different everyday
    not a desk jockey
    has to go to school near Disneyland

    lol

    we are still looking at options for majors, schools and careers..

    so, any advice on how to approach the next few months?

    • my parents were/are cunts and drummed so much negativity about my choice into my head I had a break down trying to do what I wanted.mugwart
    • That said I'm a dad now and I know how hard it is to be a parent. So I'll go with honesty. Tell her in a very safe/ non judgemental envormentmugwart
    • one that does not make her feel defensive and explain your fears and why your feeling like this.mugwart
    • Research other ways her brain can be used to "better use". Maybe look into psychiatry for kids etc.mugwart
    • Do you know any teachers? Try and get a serous chat with one of the harsh reality of the life of what ever it is.mugwart
    • My parents destroyed this part of my life and it has fucked me up every day since. I'm not happy within myself and deeply frustrated. Be nice/ honest and Dad.mugwart
    • My 10p!mugwart
    • (sorry many posts) be honest if your emotions of the time as well, be human about it. Say your having problems talking/feeling etc.mugwart
    • At least she doesn't want to become a designer...fooler
    • Teachers get summers and major bank holidays off and can teach into their 60's with a nice pension... name any designer that has it that good.fooler
    • ^ Shit! Our parents WERE right to discourage us!ETM
    • Show her examples of what other jobs look like. Try for internships, university summer schools, take your daughter to work day, etc.monNom
    • I had no interest in graphic design until I got exposed to what a graphic designer actually did. Kids need someone to model on.monNom
    • Start a math school. So she can teach at her own schoolCGN
    • If your daughter is getting straight A’s ....she knows. Maybe she may choose a different path while in school. Trust her yet give her gentle advice.notype
    • My ex-partner, a Bronx HS librarian way back in the day- she was doing very well financially. Comparable to her peers in other areas of HS edu. She loved it.notype
    • In Finland they only employ straight A teachers - they have the best education system in the world. She would make a great teacher, and then do something elseSlashPeckham
    • The "business" degree seems like a waste to me.section_014
    • Have her do a job shadow day as a elem teacher. Spending a whole day with hundreds of those screaming monsters will surely dissuade her, or solidify her passionzombiewoof
    • show her some movies with great female professors or about careers in science...uan
    • Chartered Accountant, Engineering, Investment banker if your after money.eryx
  • eryx1

    My sister in law told me about this one.

    When you kid is ready to have a soother at sleep time don't just put one soother in the crib, if they loose it they will be frustrated and wake up.

    We put 12 in the crib all over the place, now a soother is always within reach and if they decide to start throwing them out of the crib you don't have to keep going back into the room to put it back.

    simple and effective.

    • Ha yep. I sprinkled them bastards of all over their beds. 12 is a good number.Hayzilla
    • nipples everywhere!sarahfailin
    • Excellent idea, but also be mindful of when it's time to phase the soothers out. My now 3 year old is still holding onto his adamantly.kirshar12
    • And it's already causing dental damage, which will be more stress and money very soon.kirshar12
  • Krassy7

    • if only they made toys for kids, thanks a lot toys r usjuanluisgarcia
    • DIY goodnessdocpoz
    • montessori?ArchitectofFate
    • my dad made something just like this for my son...he LOVED it ...kept him busy as a toddler, that's for sure...exador1
    • #defcon #toddlervillageprophetone
    • Someone just told me to make one of these!instrmntl
    • Latch boardinstrmntl
    • Made one based off this exact picture, my kids really enjoyed it.kirshar12
    • this is great, kids would rather play with things they're not supposed to play with. Ours, anyway.ben_
  • skwiotsmith1

    Dad's to be—a couple of thoughts for you...

    My wife & I just had our first. My wife read a number of books, two of which are definitely worth reading: Mindful Birthing & HypnoBirthing. Did she follow everything to the t? No, but the breathing & meditation techniques alone are worth their weight in gold. Yes, there was pain involved, but she also was calm.

    Hire a doula. Yeah, we would have made it through without one, but having that support person there was crucial to us, and it would have been a very different experience (not necessarily for the better)...

    • Or just be tight with your wife and roll with the punches.BonSeff
    • @Bon, I agree. We didn’t do anything like what skwiot did, and all was good. We found having help AFTER the baby was born was most helpful.monospaced
    • Yeah, I can understand what you're saying. For me personally, both were extremely helpful. We were 100% in this together, but having these resources made...skwiotsmith
    • a huge difference for us. Probably the most important thing I realized is—like every baby—every birth is different. Our's was a crazy whirlwind.skwiotsmith
    • Everything was cool in the end though :) And thankfully both our families are able to help now that Lilia's here!skwiotsmith
    • I like the name! I have a Lily and a Lydia.BonSeff
    • Our birth was nuts and it was the 2 of us with nurses who wandered in and out over the 20 hour span to make sure she was ok. It was unreal, but totally doable.mantrakid
    • We had a doula as well who taught us plenty of proactive calming techniques that came in handy and made the process much smoother.ben_
  • err1

    This is the best QBN thread ever! My gf is 20 weeks pregnant and we are both calmly freaking out.

    Anyone got any advice for doing daycare in Brooklyn while having a job? We have demanding jobs and get out of work at 6-7pm how do ppl do this?

    • Option 1: Someone else raises your kids. (Nanny/Family)
      Option 2: One of the parents sacrifices career progression to stay home more
      Static_Line
    • https://www.youtube.…ok_not_ok
    • I opted to stay home from work and we cut back a ton of stuff. It was way harder than working but we felt the point of having kids was to raise them, not have..lemmy_k
    • someone else do it for us.lemmy_k
    • Congrats!instrmntl
  • tank020

    Respons to err:

    No need to freak out man, my son is 4 months old and everything sorts itself out. Parenthood is great (I had some freak out issues too when he wasn't born)

    I run a business together with my wife so we had also some trouble with work. But those first months, in general, daycare is not option I think. Kids just to young. My son starts daycare in september. 4 days a week.

    But here (Antwerp) we have some supergood options by the city. Check out his daycare:

    • I'm super excited about our daycare, but I'm still jealous of this. That, and just generally speaking how Europe handles ma/paternity leave & care.skwiotsmith
    • Well, i'm self employed so i didn't even got one day off. But for the rest, yeah all is taken care of in excellent way. I really don't get why a portion of ...tank02
    • ... Americans are against this.tank02
    • Against what? Daycare? Daycare is a huge business in the US.Hayoth
    • Welp that was 8 months ago I now have a 3.5 month old. And you were right! It worked itself out. (with a lot of prep) He's going to daycare next door to us!err
    • @hayoth, he meant mat/pat leave. Americans don't seem to get much if any on average.ben_
  • stoplying0

    If anybody has any sorcerer's spells for untwisting my car seat straps, please share them. I swear to christ it's a problem that seems so simple, "JUST TWIST THE STRAP THE OTHER WAY" I think, but then fuck no, that's not right. Hey what just happened? Is that an old cheerio?

    • I watched a couple of YouTube videos and then practiced a lot. Like, I literally twisted the straps on purpose to practice untwisting them. I'm pretty good now.nocomply
  • stoplying-2

    ^ Oh and if you feed your little ones cheerios and/or Quaker Oatmeal - I would reconsider. Harmful levels of cancer-causing weed killer have recently been found in them. Find an organic alternative. Thanks Monsanto.

    http://fortune.com/2018/08/15/ro…

  • ok_not_ok0

    • the cut at the end is perfect timinghotroddy
    • he's the father?? he looks like he's 30.sarahfailin
  • chukkaphob6

  • maquito2

    My 9 month old usually goes to bed around 8pm. Since it’s Saturday, wife and I planned some netflix and chill with some beers and a fresh bud rolled. We were counting on the little buddy sleeping by 8:30. The turnaround: Wife and I spent 2 and a half hours trying to make our little buddy fall asleep. In the middle, he even woke up laughing. Wife stayed in bed with the baby sleeping by her side, and I’m in the kitchen writing this, asking myself if I should chug a beer and smoke some weed or go to bed. Peace!

    • Yes to all threelemmy_k
    • Lol, in what order?! Still watching TV and interneting.maquito
    • what lemmy saideryx
  • mantrakid15

    Number one advice i would ever give to a new dad is to be patient / cool with letting go of / sacrificing your personal desires for a while.

    I was not prepared for the amount of attention and selflessness it would require. Sacrificing 'me' time, sleep, emotional states, thought processes, ability to concentrate, time for work, etc etc etc. It was all out the window for quite some time and I found it very hard at first to not get kinda irritated at it all.

    I eventually discovered that it was being amplified heavily by a lack of sleep and that as long as I was getting a good amount of sleep no matter where i could get it (slept on the kitchen floor a few times) i usually felt more chill and better prepared to roll with the punches.

    I never realized what a total shift in perception would be required. Like everything goes out the window and you're starting fresh, re-evaluating **everything** from the point of view of your new role as a father.

    • Sage advice. I find getting some exercise helps too.mandomafioso
    • What about becoming a step dad? Recently met someone and her child is really difficult. Glad you’re seeing some positives going forward thoughIanbolton
    • sleep yes its all about that early on. my 3yr old finally sleeps through and i am able to feel and do normal things againtrooperbill
    • << That was my experience as well.kirshar12
    • All of this.monospaced
    • My first advice is: Adapt, improvise, overcome. Welcome to your new life. ;)ApeRobot
    • 100%
      I was not prepared to make the sacrifice and nearly cratered my marriage. Thankfully, I pulled my head out of my arse.
      ronburgundy
    • I left my partner and kid abroad, coming back for work. Had hoped I could get some sleep in - last two nights have managed same 3 hour increments :(Nairn
    • crazy how that happens, huh? can't even sleep when you shouldmonospaced
  • exador14

    best advice I could ever give new parents of a newborn would be 'shifts'.

    too often, it's the middle of the night, and you hear the crying and you know it's time to either feed, change or something...
    same thing always happens..you're dead fucking tired, and it's *poke, -your turn-... ahhh...no did it last time, it's your turn..etc....
    we tried that for a week or 3 and realized it was NOT working for us at all.

    thus, Shift work. it fucking worked.

    from the moment I got home from work (say, 5:30 or so) til I went to sleep (say 1-2am) i was on-duty. feeding, changing, rocking, playing whatever...it was all on me. so far so good.
    at 1-2 or whatever, I'd put our baby in her crib asleep, and crawl into bed. from that point on, my wife was on duty. so I could get a decent nights sleep and get to work in the morning.

    this all worked for a variety of reasons. one, I'm a night-owl anyhow...so it was not hardship to stay up til 1am or 1:30 or whatever... 2, it was great that our baby from practically day 1, was 100% used to both of us... none of this 'only wanting one parent, and crying whenever we passed her back and forth etc'

    3) and probably most important.... it gave my wife the time she needed to get sleep herself, to go out, to run errands, go to the gym...just GTFO ya dig?... if she's home with the baby all day, she's gonna need to get the hell outa the house for a bit and unwind herself...

    plus, she was and is a natural early riser...so goes to sleep pretty early as well.... so she was able to get a ton of sleep herself... say, from 9:30-10 til 2am or whatever...uninterupted...(usual... must longer, as when i put the baby down at 2-ish, she'd sleep for atleast a few hours before waking up...

    anyhow, it sure as fuck beats 'who's fucking turn is it' games at 3 or 4 am....

    shift work. it fucking works folks :)

    • This is the realisation I've come to, but we've got a small flat and despite being a night owl, I'm a poor sleeper, easily roused, and need to be up daytime :\Nairn
    • and on top of this, it's good to remember that the 'round the clock care only lasts for a couple of months, and it does get better!monospaced
    • Eventually the kids go to bed around 8:30 and sleep until the ass-crack of dawn, and you can have (almost) all the sleep you need again.monospaced
    • I was the late shift :)tank02
    • Yeah shift work definitely works.microkorg
    • through the night i was every shift - knackering. plus doing a full days work #mugtrooperbill
  • Krassy1

  • monNom1

    My two bits of advice for any new dad's, but especially dad's of multiples: SLEEP TRAINING

    We got our girls on the sleep training routine at about 2months old, and after about three nights, they were sleeping 12hrs through the night. Every night. It's been over a year. They never wake up!

    We used the babywise system, as that was what was recommended to us. Dunno if there are others but the basic idea is don't let baby oversleep during the day, and cram them full of food so they don't wake-up hungry in the middle of the night.

    Second bit of advice: when people offer to help, get them to make you a meal that you can freeze and heat up easily. Lack of sleep and proper nutrition are the biggest factors in how you're going to handle the extra stress. Good meals ready to eat makes things go just that much smoother.

    • Funny for me that you post this now. I was 'discussing' this with my partner at 3am this morning, as we've had a few days problem getting lil'un to sleepNairn
    • Lil'un's 6 months and for 3 months had been fine.. just these last few days've not been good. I think we need to be firmer getting her to bed earlier.Nairn
    • At 6 months things start happening. She could be waking up because of teething or more active dreaming. Or growth spurt fluctuations.monospaced
    • You can also look into the “dream feed,” which worked wonders for us starting at about 5 months.monospaced
  • tank020

    No advice, just a story. 1,5 year old fell during running in the living room, chipped a part of tooth of.So much blood, it looked like a horror movie. And ofcourse I'm home alone at the time. Next day, first time at the dentist way sooner than expected;) He is alright now ofcourse.

    • poor little one.Beeswax
    • damnnn. glad he's ok.
      similar story. I freaked out a bit.
      bezoar
  • BusterBoy1

    Was bored the other night at home...watched a bit of Pornhub. Incognito window...stupidly, accidentally left the window open hidden behind some other browser window. I think my 15 year old son may have stumbled upon it as he often uses my PC. Have never felt so ashamed in my entire life...god knows what he thinks of me right now. :(

    • This is a perfect opportunity to have a frank and honest conversation with him about porn. Don’t let this passGnash
    • You can turn it aroundGnash
    • No idea what to do...BusterBoy
    • man oh man :)renderedred
    • "research"ok_not_ok
    • "my friend sent me a link"bezoar
    • perhaps I'm overreacting...think I'll just leave it.BusterBoy
    • dude its just pr0n everybody does it, he probably just remembers to close the window/delete history/cacheArchitectofFate
    • Virus. Son. This is what computer virus do.pango
    • “Son, why have you done this?”futurefood
    • my keeps asking me to remove the toolbar and virus stuff on his computer that are 100% coming from shady porn sites.mekk
    • That's a good way to get your kid to never use your computer again. Clever.Nairn
    • Agree with Gnash here. Try to spin it into an opportunity for him (and you) to learn. If you try to cover it up you'll just continue to feel ashamed.ben_
    • *caveat, that depending on the category you were browsing you might be a little fucked. good luck!ben_
    • My Dad used to ask me to show him how to clear the internet history, this was back in the IE days before incognito windows. I never thought less of him.mantrakid
    • We all gotta wankmantrakid
    • No worries.SimonFFM
    • just do: https://i.kym-cdn.co…renderedred
    • Dude, don't sweat it, remember when we found our dad's porn stash when we were kids? coolest fucking thing in the world!_niko
    • My first thought was.. He's probably found a new site to watch now and has now shared it with his buddies. No shame, just an opportunity to have a talk maybe?sea_sea
    • blame the dog.pango
    • Your son will not think less of you. Don't feel ashamed! We all found our dads collections and everything worked out fine.eryx
    • talking opp. agree with the gnash. nothing to be ashamed of. nerve wrecking i'm sure, but good way to spin some good out of it.umbee
    • Thanks for the words...BusterBoy
    • The big question is what were you watching that he stumbled upon? Anything crazy like hentai bukakke or just some old fashioned, mom-and-pop fucking?elahon
    • Incest porn! Lolpango
    • If you get a nice looking cup with the logo of Brazzers, you know where it's coming from.Maaku
  • mantrakid1

    Actually i wanted to post another story cuz it relates to above. I 'stumbled' across my dad's porn stash (like 2-3 magazines) as a teen, which in retrospect is shitty cuz i was digging through the drawer next to his bed. Anyways, it was like hitting paydirt. Id sneak a magazine out and put it back so many times it started to feel like mine, but one day i went back there and they were gone. I think he maybe realized I was checking it out and he felt embarrassed so got rid of it. But because nothing was ever said, i just sorta used my imagination about how he felt, etc. Having given it some thought i have no idea what he could have said to me about it that wouldn't have been totally awkward.

    • weird, I just posted a story about finding my dads p0rn stash in his night stand too but it disappeared. God, I hope I didn't post it another thread.fooler
    • hahahhamantrakid
    • Or email it to my boss.fooler
  • Krassy1

    Is there a smartwatch you would recommend?

    Needs:
    - texting
    - calling
    - GPS

    Thanks!

    • ...for kids :)Krassy
    • and I would rather solicit personal experiences/recommen... on here than Googling :)Krassy
    • What age range? We have a watch that does that. It's called the Gizmo from Verizon. $5 a month.lemmy_k
    • 5 to 12Krassy
    • I'll take a look at Gizmo! TnxKrassy
    • Nomonospaced
    • @mono ?Krassy
    • Apple Watch.

      There aren't "options".
      ideaist
    • Don't skimp on your lineage,

      Just kidding / FUCK it's hard to justify purchases for ME, let alone my GDMF son(s).
      ideaist
  • Krassy4