Dad Advice Thread
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- zaq5
convenience and fun
- stoplying1
To each his own, I hope goes without saying
Be careful with whatever rules or parameters you devise for screen time (phone, tablet, tv, etc) It's really easy to just hand over an ipad when they fuss, but just know what kind of expectations that sets for them.
- parenting is hard work. hard work week + instantly need to be there for them.
Its hard to inforce this. So I inforce certain programs/software.mugwart - get good 'qualtiy' games that have some brain power to them etcmugwart
- for my two boys (10 & 8 years old) they earn screen time via reading. 1 minute reading = 2 minutes screen time. max 1 hour a day screen time.Bluejam
- ^ ooohhhhmugwart
- ive been trying to get my kid to code in minecraft. he can play for hour or two if he does 30mins-1hour of codingmugwart
- My buddy makes his 9 year old son do push ups and clean his room in exchange for screen time.stoplying
- lolnotype
- parenting is hard work. hard work week + instantly need to be there for them.
- Beeswax1
This thread is great, I'll check it back in 5 months once ours come out.
In the meantime I guess I don't have much to do as an expecting dad except making money.- get lots of sleep for the next 5 monthszaq
- Go out with your friends and sleep in!Mattjanz3n
- nocomply7
For the parents-to-be out there... Learn how to work the carseat in every which way BEFORE the baby arrives.
You don't want to be franticly dealing with it at night, in the hospital drop off zone, with a crying infant and a stressed out mom when both of you haven't slept in 2 days.
We've got #2 coming any day now. Just gave myself a refresher course last night.
- Fuck. 6 weeks to go and I don't even have the car seat yet. Or a car.monospaced
- @mono - get it now. one of the most complex purchases of my life.fadein11
- < actually a GREAT bit of advicemicrokorg
- I just ordered the city mini stroller and the lightest car seat carrier that I could find. 3 weeks until due date. Gonna start practicing this on my in laws carmonospaced
- Hey. Did #2 arrive strong and healthy without issues? Cheers and congrats!monospaced
- +10000 – this is amazing and i had the exact situation in the underground parking zone. No access to signal for a YT video either!DaveO
- Yes, mono! Our second baby boy, Kaleb arrived healthy and happy. He's 5 months old today. Time flies. Thanks for asking.nocomply
- We ended up at 1am, in a blizzard, with a newborn, waiting for an Uber and using the car seat for the first time. Total dad fail. Hahaha.monospaced
- nocomply1
1.) For those first few weeks/months, when your baby is sleeping in some kind of baby rocker, car seat, etc...
Tie a shoe string to the contraption the baby is sleeping in. Then you can pull on it and rock the baby without getting out of bed or off the couch.
Life: hacked!
2.) "The Secret Weapon" - If your baby is crying and fussing in the car seat, grab the handle of it and swing them in a large, fast sweeping motion. Not some gentle-ass rocking here. Put some real muscle into it and give them a ride. The crying stops almost immediately. Almost every time. This trick was passed along to be by another dad. It's like a secret Dad tip, I hear.
- nylon6
My daughter is 11 weeks old today.
This is a great thread...
The wind/legs/pumping out the farts is brilliant and works!
Hopefully the crying stops next week at 3 months!
- zaq4
- garbage1
"Wrap it up, we don't need any more of you running around."
- dbloc5
Missed opportunity to name the thread Dadvice
- mugwart3
Anyone got any tips on how not to fuck up your kid when your divorced?
My kid is suffering and I'm doing all I can for him, he's a fucking trooper but is genuinely sad. I suffer depression and I'm seeing the early stages of it in him. We talk open about 'sadness' but everything is on my shoulders to sort out (ex gives a narcissistic fuck at the best of times). I have no family to help out either.
I brought a Xmas tree and we are spending next week making decorations. Star Wars the following week and I have saved up for some massive Lego set for present. Yet I feel these are only superficial things.
Any tips/pointers.
- (would take him to see help but I dont want him medicated through life and also I'm a struggling with money)mugwart
- That's heavy, so sorry. Only thing I could say is concentrate on the positives. Like Mom and Dad won't yell at each other anymore, Two Xmass, two birthdays.eryx
- My parents divorced after I left but they were miserable together, They should have done it years ago but thought they were doing the best for the kids.eryx
- They were not doing the best for us and they basically lived separate lives in the same house. When they finally got divorced they were both so happy!eryx
- As a product of divorce myself (i was 8) I can say therapy helps. But also, I appreciate that my mother brought a dependable step dad into my life a year later.shellie
- it seemed fast to me when I was younger, but realize as an adult my parents had begun separating when I was in 1st grade. My step dad was the best thing thatshellie
- what you have to do is get the divorce straight with you and the wife and make the progression to your new life as smooth as possible for all of you...uan
- ever happened to me. I would NOT bring women around him that aren't committed for the long haul to co parent with you. People leaving can be traumatic.shellie
- consider getting professional help and advice for this. once you enter 'normal' new life you can just be dad again, just love your kid and be there for him.uan
- I write this, because I think you are trying to compensate the loss for the kid with stuff and even if it might be cool for a moment, you don't fix the problem.uan
- I also think you are having the right instinct by taking time to spend with the kid. that's basically all he needs. most of all he probably misses you.uan
- Thanks all. My new partner is brilliant & brings a lot to the table for him.
I'll see what is around my area for help.
Thanks all you kick arsemugwart - Thats fantastic you have a new partner to help - another voice can be instrumental. Hopefully you get some help man. I went through the same 2 years ago and nowpedromendez
- find that happiness for kids can be found in the smallest things. Finding something they love doing and enjoying that with them is amazing. Keep it up man :)pedromendez
- thanks pedromendez, the best things we do is just wonder around London. Been teaching him how to navigate around the city!mugwart
- There's help without medication. Not all therapists medicate. See one yourself so you keep your head on straight. Love the fuck out of him.jtb26
- Go see something. Movies are good. Wonders of the world are good too. hikes, museums, arcades. You care. things will hold together. <3jtb26
- thanks jtb26. I do all those above. I'll save my pennies and get him to see help.mugwart
- decorations are cool, but learning how to bake cookies is a lifelong skill—make cookies together! :Djaylarson
- All kids really want is your time and attention. Crack that and you're golden. Damn hard though. Good luck.monoboy
- Someone once told me that their parents divorced when they were young. Their mom struggled to keep shit together financially, bought them christmas gifts, etc...Gucci
- but the thing they remembered the most vividly is their mom randomly taking a day off work and taking them for a picnic to the park.Gucci
- As others have said, time and attention. Find moments together and HAVE the fuck out of them.Gucci
- I'm going through a separation. Kills to hear my 3 y/o cry because "she misses daddy". We're all just floating around figuring shit out here together.Gucci
- I'm in the same position, i got a 3 years old son. I don't know how to explain it to him yet. I'll probably do has soon has i know where i'm gonna live next.ApeRobot
- It breaks my heart that i'm not gonna see him everyday....that is worst than the separation itself.ApeRobot
- Don't miss the mum in front of him no matter how bad she is. That way no good lies.detritus
- sorry to hear I'm not alone out there. It sucks. I dont knock the mum in front of him. I'e told him that I'll tell him the truth one day when hes old enough butmugwart
- to realise that I was very sick at his mums place and couldnt take the fighting anymore. That I'm a better father now I can be me. But fuck its heart wrenchingmugwart
- I dropped him off came back and weptmugwart
- Whatever you do, don't talk shit about his mom. Try to keep your relationship with her sane, for the kid. Nothing hurts more than seeing parents hate eachothersea_sea
- I hated my mom for talking shit on my dad, I loved him. Kids aren't marriage counselors.sea_sea
- I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. I would just say to shower your son with love and do things that make you both happy. Bike rides. Play outside.kona
- Go for walks to the park. Or learn a new hobby, like fishing. Maybe take up a painting class together? Anything for the both of you to occupy your timekona
- focusing on the good so your brain won't drown in the bad. Your bad mood and sorrow will project to your son.kona
- For you, I highly recommend the headspace app. If you can't afford the price, message me. I'll send you an apple gift card to pay for it.kona
- I went through a rough patch in 2015 and came a signature away from divorce. We have 3 children. The headspace app will help you find your center,kona
- relax, focus, and overall feel positive and better about things. I still meditate once a day for about 15 minutes. Stay strong buddy.kona
- Thanks kona, really kind of you. I've been trying to do yoga daily. Been helping loads. 3 kids -- that sucks. Hope your okay now.mugwart
- Yeah man, thankfully we were able to work through it and our marriage is better and stronger than ever. Let me know if I can help.kona
- glad it worked out for the bestmugwart
- helloeatbreathedrive1
Listened, followed, and partnered. Penniless at 36.
- < snap. Buying a house is now out the question.mugwart
- https://youtu.be/FRP…notype
- DaveO6
Me and my wife are living in NY without any parental help, we have two kids and we're literally on our own. Both have busy jobs and she travels internationally once per month to shoot, usually on a different continent. It's hard work.
If you have the opportunity to let your kids spend time with ANY family, do it and take time for yourselves. We have to get on a plane or pay someone hourly if we want time on our own that's not at night, so get over the petty arguments i know people get caught in about family semantics, and just enjoy the fact that the famlily and the kid(s) are likely getting something out of it.
- i share this pain - its hard work to do this without any supporting family/aidmugwart
- I salute you and am here for you!mugwart
- i got the same problem, probably one of the reasons i'm a single dad now.ApeRobot
- ^ yeah, was a major impact on myself and my ex as well. Hang in there DaveO. Any stress go straight to couple counselling - stop any problems as early as possmugwart
- Also to note, if you have a toxic family - do stop that from destroying your life as well. fuck modern life is complex!mugwart
- Only my wife's family is nearby, so my son will be spending time primarily with them, and my family is thousands of miles away. Not ideal but I accept it.monospaced
- It's fine really – just will end up getting harder when the boys get older. Amazing how we earn what i thought was an decent amount of money...DaveO
- ...but with school and childcare its hard to find extra for flight back to England. And moving back to the UK is as scary as staying in the USA!!DaveO
- Thanks for the advice, this is the exactly the reason why I'm not too eager to have kidsmartinadolfsson
- Hayoth-9
Don't ever turn into the guy that whistles or the 40yr old perv.
- Ok, be the annoying whistling dad and the perv dad jokes. Go for it.Hayoth
- True but this is better than finding a corner to die in and doing so in silence!mugwart
- You're a dad?monospaced
- trump supporters have like 12 kids n shitGuyFawkes
- ApeRobot1
How do you tell a 3/half years old that mom and dad are gonna separate?
This is stressing me out.- been there its tough. Be honest and supportive.mugwart
- my experience its not the telling but the conditions. Your going to get it rough, but find a solid place to live and grow.mugwart
- due to finance and london prices I had to room hope and that was the worst thing.mugwart
- but be loving and supportive and try and give them a childhood (toys, safety, warmth) and use QBN to stress out.mugwart
- also it gets very raw after you leave. Make a plan now of places to take your kid and schedules etc before hand so if you do crash you can go into auto pilotmugwart
- Thanks mugwart, it's really tough because i don't have any real family support. I'm gonna have to start from scratch and carry the whole thing on my shoulders.ApeRobot
- Not seeing my kid on a daily basis anymore is fucking me up. I got to deal with me losing my wife after 18 years, and being separated from my son....ApeRobot
- Same but I was 10 not 18. Fucking sucks man. Not going to lie to you. My advice, write a list of all improvments you want to do on yourself (diet, health, art,mugwart
- etc). The days away from your kid focus on those. Improve your life at your worst.
Been there so chime in if you need to. I can give my email if you need.mugwart - thanks mugwart.ApeRobot
- DaveO1
ACTUAL advice:
1 – Breastfeeding. Its great if she can do it but if she can't, make her feel like it's okay and support her. There's so much pressu reon women to succeed in these areas and they can feel like a failure if they don'r manage to do it.First kid was a dream, second couldn't do it. Go figure. Same goes for cesarian birth vs natural.
2 – HSA account. For all those in the USA, get an HSA account and fill it up before you have the baby. It's a ball ache but you will save money
3 – Baby Carrier. Literally the best invention for getting uot and having time with you child. When they're young and naping all the time, strap them on and take a walk around the park with a podcast. I got so much exercise by just having my son strapped on walking around Greenpoint & Williamsburg on my own. When we just had one son this is the time you give to your wife to nap, and they WILL appreciate it.
4 – Strollers. Spend money on it. You will use it loads and its worth it. A good thing for grandparets to help with if they want to contribute. We got the Bugaboo chameleon and it was the best money we ever spent. Don;t think that you can out smart strollers, good gear is worth it, and with a clean up you can re-sell it. Also, when the kids get bigger, this stroller is AMAZING and fits on an in flight overhead bin
https://www.babyzen.com/en/yoyo-…I could go on and on!
- Point 1 is very important. In the UK the midwives and hospitals make you feel like you are giving your child crack if you aren't breast feeding. Cunts.Hayzilla
- And also very true in Brooklyn. We expressed milk for a while with our second son and it's SUCH a time drain.DaveO
- wanna hang out one day, DaveO?monospaced
- A dad symposium!DaveO
- mg335
Get eye-to-eye with your little ones when you need to be stern and authoritative and don't tower over them. Helps for them to see you at eye level and not be domineering when you really need to get them to understand things.
My daughter is almost 3 and I really have to do that often, and tell her "look at my nose, look at my eyes" so I know she's paying attention. I also make sure she says "Yes I understand" when I need to explain something important to her.
There's such a weird balance of being an authority and being a friend and a parent at this age. Hoping to get it right so that it's easy when my son, who is almost 6 months old, is in the 2 - 3 range. AND that we will have taught my daughter good personal discipline so she can help reinforce it with us when he's older.
Also... we've really been working with our daughter on her morning routine. Making sure she understands the order of things in the morning:
1. Wake up.
2. Say "good morning sun!" (it's cute more than anything)
3. Go to the bathroom, take off diaper, put on underwear and get dressed with our help.
4. Sit at her table and eat breakfast, then play a little if there's time before we go.
5. Get shoes on, get coat on, etc.Reinforcing that she's in control of a simple set of tasks is really helping. She was throwing crazy fits a few weeks ago and we really needed to tackle that pretty quick. She seems to feel proud of herself by knowing what she needs to do, and seeing us appreciate that she's doing it.
- makes me cringe when I see middle class parents failing to control bawling frenzies of child-bastardry because they spend too much trying to be 'their friend'.detritus
- "Now Cynthia, you know mummy's very tired, you know this is my me time now, you've already had your... Cynthia - please stop shitting in the aisle. Cynthia?"detritus
- thank youmonospaced
- Just saw this on imgur
https://i.imgur.com/…detritus - @detritus +1PhanLo
- ^ WTF - That's about a kid biting someone else in the store who isn't their parent?mg33
- Just repeating "yes, I understand" without explaining why doesn't mean she understands. She's just telling you what you want to hear.cotton
- ^ At that age, I pivoted away from "I understand" to asking them to repeat what I had said along with me explaining why what is being discussed is important...spadeandheart
- ...to me. In our dynamic, I found myself getting short-tempered when they say they "understand" and then fall short because I wanted to believe...spadeandheart
- ...(a) they truly comprehended my message and (b) I was being an effective communicator even when I was being impatient.spadeandheart
- When I switched to establishing that she heard me, and we'd make time so I'd listen to her, then we'd have a starting point for when either of us fell short.spadeandheart
- Agree on eye-level. I'll sit one stair lower (if we're mid-tantrum) at the start of the convo before moving to eye level. (And "G'morning Sun" is hella cute)spadeandheart
- ^ So you start in the subservient position then move to an equal one? Interesting. I have no issue reminding my children from time to time that his parents areETM
- in charge, even if that is from "dominant" or towering position. I tried this equal level, "do you understand why? stuff when they were young and they did notETM
- really grasp it on the level so many parents *think* they do. I'm sorry. Yelling doesn't work, but you shouldn't need to do that sort of thing merely to takeETM
- control of a discipline issue for a young child either.ETM
- If my kids are out of control upset and we're at home, I sit in the middle of their room...quiet with eyes closed. When they are chaos, my yelling won't restorespadeandheart
- ...it'll just be an admission that I've succumbed to chaos, too. I've fallen into the trap regularly. Each new outburst is an attempt to adjust our course.spadeandheart
- That's not to say that I won't assume a dominant posture. If they aren't in chaos, I get down to eye level, inform them that the next time I address themspadeandheart
- my tone will come from frustration. That my attempts to be clam and reasonable are not being appreciated, and when I become frustrated, I yell. I give them thespadeandheart
- ...opportunity to walk us both back from the edge. Even in striking a dominant posture, I try to hand over the keys so we can all avoid unpleasantness.spadeandheart
- In situations where they're just being pricks, I let them know I respect their desire to make a spectacle of themselves, but that doesn't mean I have to watch..spadeandheart
- ...so I ask them to excuse themselves from the room to go pout or cry elsewhere, or I let them know I'm walking away.spadeandheart
- Beeswax0
Were you with your wife during the labor?
I want to be by her side, but I hate seeing her in pain and I'm afraid I might get a bit over excited and annoy her or get mad at doctors.- I can't imagine not being there for her.monospaced
- I was, for both children. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Fair warning: there will be blood.mg33
- I stood by my ex, even through emergency surgery. On the plus side I got to see her guts! Nothing like zombie films!mugwart
- I was there and cut the cord. It was amazing! 100% you should be there.eryx
- Be there man. 100%.PhanLo
- You will regret it years to come.mugwart
- One of those moments in life you can't afford to miss. Having said that, when my first son was born it was like a scene out of the exorcistBluejam
- I adopted my kids. Trust me....be there. For her. Be there for yourself, and the child you're welcoming. When it comes to family, fuck courtesy.spadeandheart
- When you see her in pain you just get the fuck over it. The docs know what they're doing and she will tell you if you're being a twat. Easy!DaveO
- I was there (M6 in hand...)... for 38 hours the first time and 9 mins for the second.see_thru
- Be there. I literally just went through this. I was worried about the pain. Don't be. She's stronger than realize.skwiotsmith
- Beeswax0
It's been two weeks since my son is born. After 10 days in the ICU we brought him home and its such a joy to hold him in my arms.
But man getting him to sleep is tough.
I hold him, he dozes off and I put him in his crib, couple of minutes later he wakes up with a cry.
Just tonight we'd done this several times. My wife had just fed him too and changed his diapers. I don't get it, why does he hate the crib?I wonder he wakes up because the crib mattress is pretty hard, but they also don't suggest soft mattress because of SIDS.
- shake his booty
https://www.youtube.…BonSeff - rtfm: he misses the body heat and your heartbeat...that's how babies work;-)uan
- there's also the plastic nipples, pacifiers. those give them the chance to find something known when they wake up, calm down and go again into sleep mode.uan
- hard mattress is ok, his body is light as a feather and built to survive on stoneuan
- my boys used to love falling asleep on my chest, i'd carefully move them when sound asleep, or just sleep with them._niko
- but don't worry, only 6 more months and you're in the clear! lol_niko
- Remember that he is blind, and don't know where he is. Spent 9 month in the womb, then sudden separation....ApeRobot
- Keep i'm close to you, like every mammals do. Do not leave him alone in his room...ApeRobot
- http://www.awarepare…ApeRobot
- shake his booty
- fooler1
My 6 year old son just started playing Pokemon and Minecraft and has no interest in BMX bikes, skateboards or any other sport.
What have I done wrong????- add a time limitGuyFawkes
- terrorize him at night as a jiggly pufffuturefood
- Act like an elementary bully. Make fun of him playing pokemon.pango
- Or you can start playing pokemon too. It might just kill it for them.pango
- https://ruinmyweek.c…ok_not_ok
- You need to set some VERY clear boundaries early on. Once he knows the rules, he'll be fine.BusterBoy
- minecraft is good for kids, like affordable modern day legos, dat pokémon though gotta goGuyFawkes
- It’s his circle of influence man. What do his friends like to do?HijoDMaite
- Super League Gaming, it’s like esports little league.. then at least he gets to be social learn team work lolBrokenHD
- I hear kids now a day learn programming on Minecraft.pango
- better those two than Fortnite, do not let him near that gameBluejam
- you can learn code on minecraftmugwart
- rasberry pi runs it. he will learn linux and move into hardware with directionmugwart
- my kid went through this now he's a book worm and plays electric guitar. Just talk to him, say way computers are "bad" all the timemugwart
- kids have it shit these days, we had ET, jacko and micheal J fox. These kids have pedos, murder and trump.mugwart
- The best decision I made as a parent was limiting screens to weekends only. That way my kid isn’t distracted from schoolwork and has to be creative to have fun.soundofreason
- He started playing Minecraft from watching me. So we enrolled him in a programming class on Saturdays to which we bike to (around 40min ride each way).soundofreason
- Screen time on weekends is limitless on theory but we always have other activities planned out anyway. We go to the library twice a week...soundofreason
- ... on Fridays we pick out a movie. The Friday night movie is something the whole family looks forward to. He really gets to appreciate it this way.soundofreason
- I would avoid setting a time limit. He won't see that screens are something you can live without and use that shit like a junkie. Waiting for that 4pm fix!!!soundofreason
- Personally think 6 is too young for video games. At that age kids should be developing imagination + motor skills with physical toys/exploring outside.shapesalad
- My nephew is 6 and still into lego and drawing and matchbox cars. If he had a chance to play a video game, that'd be the end of toys and developing imagination.shapesalad
- At least old atari/amiga/dragon32 games were so basic you had to use tonnes of imagination to enjoy them as a kid.shapesalad
- Games today are way too good for kids, so immersive and fun and most concerning: addictive.shapesalad
- I also always get into whatever his interest are, not to discourage him like pango suggested :D but to encourage him into just not being a passive consumer.soundofreason
- Pokemon could be a good way to get into taxonomy and proper evolution. At their age anything is a good learning experience.soundofreason
- As the saying goes "Anything's a dildo if you're brave enough".soundofreason
- Not sure where you are, but you;r elikely just coming out of Winter. Summertime's for BMX and skateboards. Winter's for nerding.
Both are better.detritus - @soundofreason you're the , well, sound of reason!Krassy
- Ya... Don't let me baby sit your kids.pango
- Computer at weekends only.microkorg