Stress when semi-asleep
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- TheGreatGlorpo
Serious question for you. Wondering if anyone here experiences something similar in their lives. Hope this makes sense.
I'm usually a pretty positive guy. Upbeat, happy with life, plenty of typical worries like anyone I guess. But I have noticed for the last couple of years that if I fall asleep on the couch at night, usually by myself while my wife is already in bed asleep, I wake up to a lot of really raw, heavy anxiety and shifting thoughts about my life. Wondering if I am a good person. Wondering if I am really living a good life. Worry about whether we will have kids after a lot of trying for a year. Then worry about if we will be good parents. Intense feelings of what I'd do if something happened to my wife. Just very focused self- awareness and contemplation about these things.
The heaviness of it only happens in those times I've dozed off and woken up realizing I need to go to actual bed. I never wake up in the morning feeling like this. I rarely go to bed in our bed with that kind of worry. Life is pretty good; I'm happy and content when I'm falling asleep together with her.
Does anyone here experience anything like this? I don't know if they are mild panic attacks, or anxiety attacks, or just very focused bits of worry in a kind of vulnerable and exhausted/depleted state. It feels like weight pushing down, almost like I have to try and remember to breathe in my chest. Part of me thinks this happens because when I wake up at these times, I'm without all the distractions from during the day. I feel like my mind is targeting these thoughts that maybe I should be more serious about more often, because I can't switch to another topic or task in those moments.
There's a good group of you here, maybe someone has had a similar experience. I keep it to myself, but maybe someone has some advice. Thanks guys.
- scarabin0
place a TV in front of your bed. fall asleep there
- mikotondria30
I think I recognize the feelings you're talking about, if not having had them in exactly the same situation. I think the clinical term for it - and it is a legitimate one, is 'dread'.
My experience of it in its clearest state is waking up with a hangover - not just the physical effects, which I obviously got used to over the last 25 years or so, but as I became a responsible husband and father, as I started to 'come to' after getting a bit loose was a forboding feeling, that things could slip through my fingers, and get out of control - my mind would race in lots of directions about how this might happen, all of it related to my ability and efforts to control the support network of our little family. The feeling of 'dread', is, to me, slightly expansive, if not overtly psychedelic - the consciousness is furtive and somewhat non-linear, multi-threaded, almost dream-like, and the body not entirely connected. It is this feeling that leads me to connect my uneasy hungover mentality with the inter-sleep you describe. Do you regularly drink late at night and does this correlate ? Anything else ? It's no good having the same chemical habits as you did 10 years ago, you can't drive an older car like a new one.
And I wouldn't put a tv in your bedroom and fall asleep to it - that's just so much uncontrollable noise and information going into your brain non-stop, that shit'll make you depressed real quick.
Or more depressed - could you have some mild depression that you're managing to keep under wraps ?
Honestly I would speak to a doctor about it, it is a symptom, it'd be good to find out of what, rather than hoping it goes away, which it might, but what causes it might go unrecognised.
If you are anxious about starting a family and not being able to - that's a significant worry, explore it and deal with it.
I hope you find the peace you deserve, best wishes to you and your wife, let us know how you get on. All the best, mate :)
- studderine0
I struggled with sleep for the last two years due to stress and anxiety. The only thing that really helped was seeing a sleep therapist who taught me better sleep habits. However, my mind still has a tendency to race and worry about my general well-being. I found that exercise and logging my daily worries in a journal ease the tension before bedtime.
- ohhhhhsnap0
Get rid of that couch! It's haunted.
- BusterBoy0
I totally understand what you're going through...I was kind of the opposite though. Lying in bed at night caused the anxiety. My issues were all medical so bed just freaked me out...too much time to think. The only way I could sleep was to fall asleep watching TV.
My only advice FWIW, the sure fire way to guarantee you'll keep having these same feelings is to just continue exactly what you're doing. You need to somehow break the cycle and do the things that make you less anxious. If that means going to bed before you fall asleep on the couch, then just do it. Your mental health is much more important than falling asleep on the couch.
Good luck!
- colin_s0
firstly, you have nothing compared to what i have. if i don't go to bed drunk i wake up with nightmares, and have anxiety to the state that it wakes me in paralysis while i have delusions about talking to people.
so, what you first need to do is learn to breathe.
seriously. wake up in anxiety, learn to breathe. in and out, heavy breaths.
now, if that doesn't work and you are still in a state of heavy anxiety, start tensing and releasing your muscles, with the outermost first (fingers and toes) working toward the inner (chest and lungs).
if, in the end, nothing is stopping you from a fear of dying or innate doom, contact the hospital, because that is a panic attack and you should probably get at least a 30 day prescription for something along the lines of loreazepam.
i've been dealing with sleep-related anxiety for quite some time, and this is as close as you'll get to feeling okay, unless you pick up a drinking habit. that usually solves things, because you pass out.
- sorry, that first part sounds cocky. i'm just trying to say i have a lot of experience in this. nothing more.colin_s
- dude...you need to see a sleep therapist. drinking yourself to sleep sounds like one way street to alcoholism.studderine
- SunSunSun0
All helpful answers guys.
I would maybe see it from a more spiritual point of view.
When you're half asleep you are much more in touch with what is REALLY happening in in yourself. Your brain is not doing it's usual covering over of noise and distraction. These are good times to figure out if there are things in your life that you can maybe improve upon or things get highlighted that aren't doing you any favours.
There is also something spiritual that happens when you are sleeping next to your wife and that's probably why you sleep better next to her. I know it sounds a little crazy but you guys are spiritually connected. It's really positive you feel so protective over her and your kid. That's a really healthy level of love in my opinion.
One very practical thing that helped me was to stay really hydrated. Your brain does really weird things when it doesn't have enough water. Also could it be coinciding with a caffeine crash? Just some ridiculously simple ideas I found were affecting me big time.
I started fixing the stuff that would make me feel disturbed at that time of night and reading up on more spiritual goings on in myself and I never have these experiences anymore.
Oh, also MAGNESIUM is a super amazing mineral that relaxes you before you sleep.
- inteliboy0
Yup, caffeine and alcohol = anxiety for me. I love both, so have to really pick the right times to fall for these vices.
Though I haven't really figured out my odd mental problems so can't really give any advice. Though it sounds like you have a wife/someone you love, and that alone is an amazing thing, your life may be pretty damn good and any ill feelings may be just work stress/booze/drugs. Don't over think it.
- ORAZAL0
Just stop falling asleep to Miley Cyrus' videos.
"Why do I want to nail her so hard right in her pussy when I watch that Wrecking Ball video? I'm talking RIGHT INSIDE IT. RIGHT IN THAT HOLE."
- GeorgesIV0
Hey, TheGreatGlorpo, I've been suffering from this condition for almost my entire life, I don't have a name for it because I don't feel anything is wrong with me, but often just before I go to bed, the craziest things will go through my mind, often some really sick scary things too, like what would happen if a loved one got killed, what if I could help them but was too late, what if... etc etc,
I tried smoking before going to bed, sleeping pills, alcohol, leaving the radio on, etc, etc than one day I found something that works for me,
I listen to podcast, I will find the most obscure podcast ever, no matter the subject, history, cars, esoterism, movies, kitchen, carpentry,... and I'll put my headphones on and listen to people talk by themselves or with a guest, max 30 min and I'll be deep asleep,
it drowns out my flow of anxiety and I actually learn something in the process, good luck man
(try to find the radio that don't have advertising, it's fuckn annoying having a break every 5 min)
here are some of my favorites:
anything from http://www.blogtalkradio.com/
http://binnallofamerica.com/boaa…
http://www.corbettreport.com/
http://www.redicecreations.com/
http://scotthorton.org/category/…
- ohhhhhsnap0
lay off the spicy foods.
i'm serious.
- _niko0
Amazing, I go through the same thing. The noise of day seems to be cancelled out and you have a moment of extreme clarity during the dreaming/wakeful state.
I start dreading the fact that time's running out and that I will not have left behind anything of significance or importance in this world. Never became the great artist i wanted to be, never became the great film maker i wanted to be, never became the great comic book creator I wanted to be. See my dead end job or career as what it is and that I'm wasting my time not doing the things I truly love and it freaks me out.
Then I go on QBN and waste the day everything's great once more lol
- monkeyshine0
Stating the obvious but...stop falling asleep on the couch. More directly, create more of a bedtime ritual for yourself that gives you a sense of calm and relaxation. Read in bed next to your wife rather than watch tv on the couch.
And secondly, what you are experiencing is normal. Everyone worries about all of the things you mentioned on some level at some time in their lives. It sounds like you're at a crossroad in your life and relationship (trying to get prego, thinking of life as a family/parents rather than just as a couple)...that's a big life shift so give yourself a break.
Anxiety turns every day worries into the monster under the bed. If this happens again just lay very still, take some slow, deep breaths and focus on each scenario. Often when we focus on or walk through a scenario of our worst fears, they dissipate a bit because they're built on irrational fear rather than anything concrete within our lives.
- BaskerviIle0
I can associate with what you're talking about. Having big thoughts about life when everything's quiet late at night.
I remember reading something by a doctor/therapist that said don't do daytime things like reading, using a laptop, watching tv in bed because it forges a mental associated with bedtime that is anything other than sleep, which is bad. Like someone else said, a bedtime ritual is a good idea.
Also, I find it helpful to be really tired when i eventually go to bed. Luckily work is busy and I usually go for a run/to the gym after work, so by the end of the day I'm both mentally and physically tired. If you don't already do much exercise this could really help. I imagine being sat at a desk all day is a a direct factor in people not sleeping that well.
Hope it clears up for you
- ideaist0
HAMMOCK
Listen to it at an appropriate volume and breathe slowly.
; )
- TheGreatGlorpo0
I appreciate the responses. Thanks so much.
Interesting to see that some of you have similar issues, or have in the past. To answer a few questions: I don't drink caffeine. Gave it up entirely a few months back. Don't drink too much. Occasional glass of whiskey or scotch.
I also don't fall asleep on the couch too often. It's more of just that "I'm not ready to go to sleep" feeling that keeps me there, or just actually falling asleep watching a movie after like 11 or 12 or something, especially if the show doesn't hold my attention.
Those feelings never seem to happen if I'm going to sleep in our bed. I usually fall right asleep and sleep well then. We've got a nice bed, I get a great night's sleep there.
I think I'm just trying to understand what those thoughts are telling me and what I need to do to feel better about them. I'm a confident person in daily life, and I might worry about the same things when I'm fully conscious and going about my day, but never as intensely as after waking up at night like I described.
I really think some of you are right with that "moment of dread" and "moment of intense clarity" aspect. I think those might be parts of my personality that I am good at masking and pushing away during the day or when my mind is fully occupied. Truth is, and I am not alone in thinking this, life can get pretty intense. GeorgesIV mentioned a lot of similar things: what will happen to other people if I were gone, what would I do if I lost someone close to me. I think that we can get really overwhelmed sometimes at the finalities of life - realizing we won't live forever, realizing we will all experience loss that is life changing and will crush us.
I think I really need to try to stay away from mobile phone, iPad, computer screens late at night. There is plenty of info about the negative effects of looking at bright devices before going to sleep. We also talked a few years ago about picking a couple nights a week to read actual books or magazines in bed to fall asleep to. The problem is right now, I am not working, so every day is a Saturday, and I don't have a regular bedtime schedule. Wife works so she's usually in bed earlier and I'm still awake.
Thank you again for the comments.
- ^ You'd be amazed how much some basic ambient music and deep breathing can assist you... We're all over thinkers...ideaist
- moldero0
I woke up the other night swatting at mosquito's that weren't there, I dream of these fucking assholes, these mother fuckers are everywhere now. Im going to take a deet bath.
but yeah seriously, I hear you GreatSoulGlow, I went through that as well, I think being over worked did it for me, especially when it was either clients I loathed, like a certain oil company, working my ass off for a client I hated. Not so much because it was Gas, but because we did political ads for these cock smokers, shit I cant even mention online without possible serious repercussions coming back to me or the rest of our team, so basically we sold our souls and did some shit that really got to us as individuals, OR clients I didn't give a shit about because the work just wasn't stimulating enough because of agency politics putting restraints on creativity. + I just felt like I was wasting my life to pay an over priced mortgage in a city full of other miserable fucks trying to survive in an over priced city just like myself.
Make a drastic change in your life, the mind is fuckin genius, if you dont give it stimulation, it will stimulate you in the worst ways possible, iow, control it before it controls you. change man change. the more drastic the better and the more you'll learn and grow from the experience as well.
Get a passport, get out of your comfort zone for a while, it will do wonders, and if you grow the cahones, move out of your comfort zone for a longer while, life is too short to only know 1 culture.
- 74LEO0
Stay present in this moment. Do you meditate? Do yoga or martial arts. You have to discipline the mind and upkeep the body. If ever there is a field that needs stress management it is ours.
How is your diet?
What do you eat before you go to bed?
Are you and the wife practicing enough?I'm no Dr. but these general rules can be a profound help.
