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- mugwart20
Had some shit innings. Terrible parents fucked up my youth and mindset - this lead into me marrying young to a abusive drunken wife.
Adding to this my dream (a script writer) was stolen from me and made into major films. Felt that I had many 'invisible' doors shut off to me but I manged to survive in VFX.Skint, and a life of poverty led me deep into depression. Not had a holiday for like 5-6 years.
35 in a few months, now divorced and trying to retake hold of my life. Things are coming along really well. Depression leaving me and I have an incredible GF and 8 year old son. Managing to save each month now.
I'm still in film but not exactly where I wanted to be but still 'on' that but in an cool department. Trying to take a holiday to Berlin for my birthday.Working tirelessly to create a new writing app that will hopefully revolutionise writing and hopefully allow me make some money so I can take some serious time off to finish my book.
Determined to make the remainder of my life positive and my son as safe from toxic people as possible.
- Ooh, I'd love to know what idea was stolen*, but more importantly - when's your writing app going to be released? What sort of writing - screen/plays, novels?detritus
- * and I fully expect you not to answer that particular question :)detritus
- I've been there man. Abusive parents, ex wife was a sociopath. I know it sounds cheesy but PMA. You seem like you're focusing on the positivesGM278
- and heading in the right direction. Don't ever let the negative people in your life win and certainly don't become the trashcan for their emotional bullshit.GM278
- Sounds like you're coming out the other end better and wiser :)set
- Is that why you're an vegan? Lol I'll stop now.
Ya I know how it feels when your idea was used by someone else. It's even worse when she's hot :/pango - And then she won something for it... god damn it!pango
- wow upvotes! name of film, shouldn't say as its almost impossible to prove, it best I dont mention. I have meet others whom have experienced this - its commonmugwart
- To the app - I'm on the final major development task but its rebuilding a text undo system so fucking major.
Had to learn c++ to do this so taken over a year.mugwart - GM278 - whats PMA?
yeah toxic people fuck your shit right up.mugwart - pango - sort of! In curing myself i ended up vegan (and t total!). Ex wife was pretty but my new gf is heavens sent (and fucking hot!)mugwart
- PMA - Positive Mental AttitudeGM278
- Ta!mugwart
- Congrats on your divorce. Divorce is forever, marriage is not. - Louis CKnthkl
- Dear Mugs: You've always impressed me with your kindness and talent. I think you're doing pretty well.garbage
- one of the nicest cunts on qbn.inteliboy
- there you have it -- a movie about your own life.
11 oscarsdrgs - It sounds like none of this is your fault at AT ALL.robthelad
- @robthelad - this is what terrifies me. surrounded by extreme narcissism I panic I'm one and the 'victim' is my mask.mugwart
- @drugs - but I'll still suck at chess!mugwart
- @garbage, inteliboy - don't worry I'm still a cunt!mugwart
- Some roads are smooth, some are rough, trick is to stay on the road until you get to a nice place. Peace brah :)mrAtor
- Hey @mug - Try not to worry, to know one's fears is the first step to overcoming them :)robthelad
- BusterBoy10
Tool old. Bored shitless. My problem is always looking for the next 'big thing'. Came super close about 10 years ago to making an absolute fortune but alas it didn't pan out. Have since had my head in the frikkin clouds rather than looking after the day to day stuff.
Have a great family...but haven't been truly happy for many years.
- Christ, this is brutally honest.
Well done!
xdetritus - nice one dude..sureshot
- woah man, visceral if trueOBBTKN
- lovely honest answer - hope you find the happy place.fadein11
- sounds about right, minus the family.Fax_Benson
- Watch Sagmeister "The Happy Film"...canoe
- Time to move?canoe
- What can we do to help?Hayoth
- Jesus dude. This speaks to me. It's as if I had written it myself. Thank you for your honesty man.kona
- Having that level of self awareness is s huge asset. Age is not a factor in your happiness and what might have been shouldn't be either. Best of luck.CyBrainX
- Kinda feel the same way. I dunno where or when my life got fucking derailed.sureshot
- Ugh ... without the whole family thing, I'm exactly in this place, too. And it isn't fun.Continuity
- Just have to plough on. Think if I went back to a 9 to 5 job, I'd think my whole life was a waste. I do have hope...BusterBoy
- ...but at times it can really put a strain on the present. My wife continually tells me to live in the real world. I don't want to...and it drives her nuts.BusterBoy
- I really envy people who are truly happy. Last time I remember being TRULY happy with everything in my life was 1995. :(BusterBoy
- Man, I am feeling you. Try refocusing your thoughts once or twice a day. My personal mantra these days is "Focus at the task at hand". Best of luck!riskunlogic
- Christ, this is brutally honest.
- matski10
40, Newcastle, England.
I started as a graphic designer, moved to London after graduating and worked at a few design agencies for 13 years. I got to my limit working as a designer, was very bored, disillusioned with clients etc, so decided to do what I really love, which is painting. Now I am a full time artist.
I sold my flat in London, brought a house by the sea, from where I now paint. I'm about to launch my new career as an artist as I've been busy putting a big collection of works together. I wouldn't have been able to do this but for the fact I am alone, no kids or dependents.
I can relate to many here about being alone, but for me, this is because I have an acute speech impediment (stutter), so communicating verbally for me is very difficult. Not being able to talk, has without doubt held me back, not only in my career as a designer, but also life in general. Its very frustrating, but you adjust and adapt. I've come to terms with being alone, it doesn't bother me, and I enjoy a simpler way of life.
My health is good, and I've found as long as I do three things everything is ok with the world:
• Keep things in perspective
• Keep things in context
• Accept life isn't fairI think accepting life isn't fair is really important. When you come to terms and actually accept life is not fair, it helps to move on. I wouldn't necessarily say I'm happy now, but I am definitely more happy now than I was living and working in London.
- I have a stammer and issues communicating. I share your frustrations. Fantastic life though. Love to see your art works.mugwart
- Re: last paragraph - London's the worst place in the world for a sense of fairness, esp these days. Would love to move to Toon, but foreign partner isn't keendetritus
- NIce man, i want to get back to painting too.i_was
- Good luck with the painting Matski!nylon
- Good on you mate. I have no speech impediment and struggle to communicate. Good luck to you.BusterBoy
- "When you come to terms and actually accept life is not fair, it helps to move on." - The Man has his foot on your throat and you're okay with it.robthelad
- Bennn10
This thread ;-)
- nar its more fight club! We'll be space cadets any at momentmugwart
- why 2 pics? one would have been sufficient to get the point across, no?chukkaphob
- its gonna be okBennn
- I honestly thought the first pic was a prayer meeting. Thank you for clearing things up with the second picfuturefood
- hehhehbklyndroobeki
- bliznutty12
Just turned 40 years old
At this point I've become pretty good at running my life and am truly living out my dreams. I grew up and spent my 20's in New Orleans partying my ass off. I spent half of my 30's living in Vail,CO snowboarding, mountain/dirt biking, camping and living the mountain life - the other half in Denver building out my tech career and meeting tons of new friends. The past couple years I've been totally involved in the burning man scene. I have a huge krewe of amazing friends and we call ourselves the Wizards. I recently built and now lead a Burning Man camp that is very successful. www.wizardscamp.org. I just bought a vintage camper for hauling the camp and running around to festivals throughout the year - am very excited to be going to Oregon Eclipse fest soon. I'm also vegan, healthy, and happy. I am a professional work-from-home software engineer with a solid career. I play drum and love to craft (& sew) clothes & such. I have a beautiful little 18mo old chocolate lab. I have an amazing family that I see very often. I'm very motivated and just super positive in general about everything. All I know is I have a wonderful life and work hard everyday to make it that way. The future is very bright!
- -1, -1,- 1! How dare you be positive?!
:)detritus - ANOTHER VEGAN!!! ;-)
your life sounds amazing. Love to make it out to burning man. Im curious about clothes making - do you have any examples?mugwart - i don't have examples i just like to get into dressing up and do a lot of crafting and/or minor sewing of outfits. i did sew the 25ft tall Wizard Hat tent ;)bliznutty
- my bff k-rad is professional af and makes a lot of clothes for me. https://www.etsy.com…bliznutty
- cool to the tent! hope it was hand stitched!!
nice accessories - but are they vegan ;-)mugwart - was joking btw! I wear leather boots to remind myselfmugwart
- she's not vegan. lol. she taught me to sew. not hand stitched at all! each seam is double stitched the right way and i used a 1953 all-metal commercial machinebliznutty
- ^ cool. Keep us updated sounds amazingmugwart
- -1, -1,- 1! How dare you be positive?!
- colin_s8
This is a fantastic thread, thanks for the bump. Strange to look at where I was, where everyone has gone to.
I'm 34 now. The corporate gig I left in SF helped sustain me for a few years in Portland with freelance and some references. A bad break up and some friends taking different directions in life lead me to re-evaluate things (adult for "have a nervous breakdown") a few years back.
So I left my nice apartment and moved in to an anarchist art collective, I was drunk in and out of various dive bars for a couple years there. I painted and wrote and made books and spent too much time watching (and emulating to some extent) "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." Learned about life and myself from the perspective of a gutter, I suppose.
Now I am poorer than poor but my art is getting to where I want it to be. I can't find design work for the life of me, as I haven't had a normal job in 5 years. I run art shows out of the studio space I am a part of that are getting pretty hip in PDX. I've had a solo show in Portland each month this summer. I'm in a pretty great group sound project / band type thing recording an album next week in a garage. For lack of a better term, life is punk as fuck.
That being said I'm still a 34 year old who is one medical accident away from fucked-for-good status. I'm trying to figure out how to survive in America, especially now, especially the way things are going, and I don't know. Still single, no kids, no money, no responsibility - It's going to be an interesting and terrifying next five years. I'll see you then.
- May the force be with you! You might be one gig away from something incredible as well.mugwart
- great post - sounds like your soul is nurtured which is all it comes down to in the end.fadein11
- I should also clarify "anarchist" is not black bloc leftists, but rather a communal mindset of equal responsibility and little to no oversightcolin_s
- But thank y'allcolin_s
- That was very interesting. I'm sure we'd love to see any work you'd like to share.CyBrainX
- he's shared loads in the past - lovely stuff.fadein11
- Your life just sounds very european.Longcopylover
- Yes, welcome to EU ;)OBBTKN
- since197910
Miami,
I used to work broadcast design. I was (and still am) a beast in Adobe After Effects. It was lucrative for awhile but increasingly tedious. I then became a producer and started making full campaigns for on-air and then, for some stupid reason, I became enamored with and learned flash thus becoming an interactive designer for broadcast networks.
That severely exhausted me so I took a sabbatical and began writing using paper and pencil. It wasn't the programming that killed me, it was the revisions and the file size compression that had me up extra hours of the night.
I wrote a screenplay, then another. Simultaneously, I landed an art director gig at a film production company. That led me to start a community program there to help actors with their skills.
That was my first "directing" gig that wasn't attached to a commercial entity. It was purely artistic exercise and it was liberating. I was used to style guides and quick deadlines. I witnessed how that limited my creativity. I was a robot.
I've spent the last 7 years making independent films and growing as an artist. I have expanded my writing through various outlets. I want to release a couple of poetry books and my second graphic novel because I like to make those between film projects and there is stagnation.
I've never had a huge budget on these films and my next approach is to work with bigger budgets and shit so now I have to create some packages, etc.
This was a decent exercise. Glad I wrote it. Thanks.
- oh and I wrote and produced a play. that was an exhilarating experience to say the least.since1979
- fucking cool. whats the name of the films and graphic novel?mugwart
- Seconding mugsy's question.garbage
- nothin worth mentioning, smallish personal projectssince1979
- Still love to see! Prefer that stuff than anything elsemugwart
- orly, my next shorts gonna be sicksince1979
- Miguex5
I'm about to turn 37, I have absolutely no grasp or control on where am I or WHEN am I.
I'm an atom of a spec of dust particle floating in the cosmos, I'm completely insignificant and so is all the time I placed into that logo I just finished.
- AMENsince1979
- You do pretty awesome stuff, even more considering that whole black hole issuedyspl
- The thing about the universe is that sure it's huge but it's more than anyone, so you have to relate to the universe on your own terms.CyBrainX
- Forget infinity and maximize your own surroundings. If you can manage that in some way, you're a deity in your own mind. Fuck anything else.CyBrainX
- scale is a man made constructinteliboy
- Don't listen to Jesuit space propaganda. You're not meaningless.robthelad
- You are utterly unimportant compared to the universe. You are immensely important to your family and friends. Relativity, baby.jagara
- The sun is completely unimportant to the galaxy.jagara
- And so on.jagara
- This is why you don't take shit from egomaniacs.freedom
- It's ok man, listen to Tyson: https://youtu.be/Da8…jtb26
- scarabin9
learn learn learn
werk werk werk
skipping burning man this year to focus on these things.
starting as a beginner at a place that feeds my mind but dominates my time. complete reversal of previous years.
ended a 12-year relationship, still going strong in a 20-year one. don't want kids because i don't feel like i'm qualified for that sort of thing.
living humbly but rent-free in an old house but doing things to make it cozy.
i try not to compare my path to others or think of the fact that it's half over. just do my best day-to-day, not be a dick, and enjoy what i have.
i do need to travel more!
- No one is really qualified to have kids. We just have them and adapt fastbreadlegz
- yup, you learn on the spot with kids.microkorg
- share your pain about learning. With kids, your view will be the best view. No one is qualified. Its better to question your logic than be confident and 'know'mugwart
- defiantly travel more. I'm itching as well. We all should do a QBN road trip!mugwart
- It's fun to meet someone all giddy and excited about going to burning man and say to them in a dead pan face, "yeah I've gone a few times, it's pretty cool..."robotron3k
- d0mino9
34, Melbourne, Australia
Grew up in Brisbane. Studied design to work in Advertising.
After graduating started working for a real pack of dickheads designing Annual Reports. These reports are all due on the same day, so we had horrendous crunch times. Worked minimum wage without a day off (that's weekends, too) for months on end. They ended up firing me after a year, which was a great blessing.
The day I was fired was also the day that applications for an advertising program (AWARD school) closed. I had been toying with the idea, but thought I would tough out another year doing annual reports before jumping ship. Think I didn't have the time or energy to put an application on the day it closed. GF at the time really pushed me to do it, gave them a call and got an extension of 2 days. Applied, got in, and that set me on my path to work in Advertising. If GF wasn't there to push me my life would be very different.
Got a job at a great agency doing finished art. Really inspiring creative leadership. Worked my ass off doing FA with the hope of rising through the ranks. Got a job offer from a competing agency as junior AD with a writer I did AWARD school with, told my employer I was going to walk. They really wanted to keep me, so put me up to junior AD and I worked directly with the CD (writer) for about a year until they put on a junior writer to team up with me.
Worked there for 6 years. Learned so much. Did great work with great people. The CD and MD ended up selling the business to a big global group about 4 years in. The culture really changed in those last two years.
In those 6 years I married that GF, we bought an apartment. Life was good, but didn't really have a sense of the world. Was pretty sheltered in the creative dept there.
During that time wife got really caught up in a design niche and got lucky with timing. We moved to Melbourne to start a business together, bigger creative industry to work with.
It's been almost 6 years and the time has FLOWN by. We were living in the studio for the first 2 years. We have a 2 year old boy now, and we bought a house in the burbs. We have 4 staff, not including ourselves.
Late last year I bought into another business, doing digital development servicing creative industries (design studios). It's been a learning experience but great so far. A QBN hookup was a godsend. For this I am super thankful. You know who you are. Biggest change is business partners not being my wife.
Went into business for myself for flexibility – saw my CD going home at 6pm for half an hour to read his kids a story before bedtime and then head back to the studio with us to see the night through. Didn't bother me working late in my early 20's, it was fun. Good work, good crew but if I were to have a family I wanted to spend time with my kids. Fast forward to now, currently working 4 day weeks, spending one day with my boy. We go to the zoo almost every Friday together, just me and him and the spider monkeys. It's great. Squeeze in extra work during naps, and evenings, but it's on my schedule. Not sure how sustainable this is though.
The pressures of running 2x business is real. We're renovating our house. Wife is keen to have another baby. Am I happy? Things are super, super tight at the moment. I think that is feeling the risk of new business and the slowing in growth of the old.
Watching the bottom line, chasing monthly sales targets is exhausting.
I have a lot of responsibilities to a lot of people.
- I knew a bunch of dicks that did Annual Reports...in Melbourne. Richmond to be specific! :)BusterBoy
- these dicks were Brisbane based. After I left they folded a year later because one of the dicks was cooking the books.d0mino
- The pressure is high. I had 7 staff at one point all relying on me to bring in the work.breadlegz
- BusterBoy7
The one thing that comes out of this thread...and I hate to use a cliched line, but everyone has their 'stuff'. At times I (and all of us I guess) can sit and think we are alone with all the weird and wonderful feelings we have...but truth is, most of us go through the same shit at one point or another. It's how you deal with it that is key.
Myself...I get stuck in these massive ruts that I just can't seem to get out of. My current one has been going for about 10 years...sucks balls big time.
But I live in hope. That's all I really have (apart from 2 great kids). I spend a LOT of time alone, which I am comfortable with, but not sure it helps. SO after years of thinking, I have finally booked in to seek some help. I don't think I have any major depressive illness...but I just need to talk to someone.
So here goes nothing.
Keep it up dudes and dudettes. You're all loved!
- Try out therapy, good luck homie. It helped me figure out a thing or two.BonSeff
- Only thoughtful intelligent people get depressed. It is very common. Therapy helps. Been there, so I know.SimonFFM
- I need to try therapy also. Thanks for your input man.riskunlogic
- I've just started. My first therapist said I was to much (goth street cred plus 100) and I'm about to start a Jungian therapy session. quite excited actuallymugwart
- I tried CBT two years ago - first it was very good but some how it got me in a worst state.mugwart
- notype5
almost debt free, (fuck you sallie mae)
pup on the horizon.
home by 2020?
married by 2021.thank you upstairs neighbors for your noise and selfishness, putting fire under my belt to not be complacent, without them I'd probably want to live here forever.
- yes! nice work. get debt free and you'll actually have money to yourself.capn_ron
- thanks capn_ron, i'm putting a nail in this coffin for sure. maybe home by 2024, add a little buffernotype
- i feel this list. I'm on the same boat.shellie
- dont come to the UK! never get debt free over here! Still saving up for a deposit for a mortgage ...mugwart
- you're killing it this year shellie. we both are. glad share an oar or two with you.notype
- Your dreams are so plebeian.robthelad
- Good :)notype
- Bennn8
My first post was really negative. Here's some positive things ffs > I'm in the best physical condition i've ever been, thanks to martial arts, its gonna be 4 years in november i started this. maybe the best decision i've take lately starting martial arts, it gives me confidence and i learn lots of good life lessons. 'the fight is always against yourself, not the other' is one of them.
I travel every year and visit many places with my gf, we do a lot of thing i wouldnt do if i were alone. I have a condo in a cool part of the city. I make a really decent salary and dont have cash problems. I can buy almost every gadget i want.Thats better now :)
- Longcopylover7
This thread is confusing:
It's as frustrating as it's motivating. But I start loving you all.- (Yes, I am a bit drunk.)Longcopylover
- It had to come to that.CyBrainX
- Sober again, still love you.Longcopylover
- lolsea_sea
- Continuity6
43. Munich. Advertising CD, currently unemployed (this is unintentional). Not married/no kids (this is intentional).
On the one hand, I've had an amazing run of using my career to see the world. Left Canada in 2006, did Belgrade (2 yrs) > Amsterdam (2.5 yrs) > Copenhagen (2 yrs) > London (3 mths) > Montréal (1 yr) > Munich (2.5 yrs) > Düsseldorf (2 yrs) > Berlin (6 mths) > Munich again (since Oct last year).
On the other hand, since arriving in Germany, I've had a string of bad luck with agencies losing clients/needing to reduce headcounts within six months of my arriving there, so I was the last-in/first-out guy (except for that one multinational agency I worked for, and quit because I absolutely couldn't stand the people there).
I'm starting to really feel the pressure of age in this industry, and also recognising that, at my level, there simply aren't that many jobs to go around. It's really discouraging.
- Last bit, yes.tank02
- We're the two 'Germans' here at QBN, right?SimonFFM
- oey lives here, too, as does mekk, I think!Continuity
- Oh. And Georges. But he lives in Düsseldorf, so that doesn't count. :)Continuity
- me too (from Berlin)... I don’t really post anymore, but I’m still hanging aroundpressplay
- Hello pressplay! Didn't Georges say he's in Italy? I'm confused. Also thought mekk was in Turkey. Don't ask me why...SimonFFM
- he used to be, since then he relocated to D’dorf... don’t know about mekk...pressplay
- also autoflavour was in Berlin, he had an office in the same building as me but he moved back to Australia I thinkpressplay
- Oh, Arne is here, too. He of the magical landscape photos. He's in Baden-Württemberg. I think.Continuity
- sothere8
I just got a new job. I start on Monday!
Looking forward to starting and getting the career moving again.
thanks to those of you who offered advice and said kind words.have a good friday!
- riskunlogic6
36, married, three kids.
Worked my self from junior to senior to creative director. Got bored by the industry. Worked in three startups. They all failed.Founded my own startup with three cofounders seven years ago. We raised 4,5 mil had some success which poisoned the egos of two of my younger cofounders. Betrayal. Lies. Fights. Anger.
Exited last month with one of the cofounders. Started a digital consultancy. Hating corporate clients. Depression. Losing my mind and soul.
Searching for a whole new thing now. Miss being with my family. I n e e d something new. Want to start anew but got too dependent on cash flow. In search of wisdom, mentorship and advice.
Still love this place.
- That was intense. I wish I was more entrepreneurial. Best of luck.CyBrainX
- Cash is the killer. Its hard to step back once you are used to a standard of living.thumb_screws
- Thank you guys!riskunlogic
- bklyndroobeki8
You guys inspire me.
- OBBTKN6
45, Basque Country, 2 years in solo mode after more than 20 years in 4 diff. companies (13 years in my last fulltime job), crashed and recovered at least 3 times.
Exhausted in this overworking mad year (would love to be exhausted for riding my bike :(), but with great projects on sight.
Love doing illus, but web and developing work pay the bills. No debts, whereby, when i turn off my computers, i can focus on my loved wife and daugthers.
I realy love cooking for family and friends, and would love to open a small restaurant with my wife, but i am not rich enough.
Simply i try to enjoy life with my loved ones.
No retirement in mind...
- lmao, too much love mate!OBBTKN
- nope nice.
another non ego on here :)fadein11 - If you love cooking don't open a restaurant, start hosting dinner parties. Running a restaurant is mostly about management, not making food.zarkonite
- @zark, We do it for friends... at least, once a month we cook in our garden for them, 20ish people, love it, lol!OBBTKN
- Awesome man, isn't cooking for others the best thing in the world? It's definitely my favourite hobby.zarkonite
- SimonFFM6
41, Frankfurt, Germany
I live in Frankfurt for 20 years now and would like to move. Frankfurt is just a hub for me. With an international airport and good train connections to France, it makes it possible for me to travel to places. But somehow it feels stupid to live in a place where we neither have suitable models nor locations. If only I knew where to move. I cannot decide this for myself as my wife should be moving with me. From afar this might sound simple, for us it isn't.
In 1997 I came here to study design and always worked independently. Being self-employed never was easy, but it's the only way I can work.
Currently I work on very exciting projects. One is my second photo book that I will publish in October 2018 and another is a client project I am not allowed to speak about. It involves naked women, so a lot of people are jealous of me.
- That last line. I was waiting for you to chime in, mostly so I could apply for an assistant position.garbage
- What about Amsterdam? Hubs and I'm sure models and its not quite London price. Or why not France itself? Get a large barn and create a studio?mugwart
- Amsterdam is cool, but a lot of rain. Zero nude models there as well. Paris is too expensive. I don't even need a studio. We will see how things progress.SimonFFM