Advice
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- ********0
The sad part, doesn't it still come down to $, no matter live in GF or wife? Fucking $.
- Horp0
I urge you to consider my advice on this matter. I am, after all, a published writer.
- ********0
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
- Groucho Marx
- CALLES0
also when they say "plenty of fish" dont forget that possibly more than half are this
- ********0
"Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him."
- Groucho Marx
- Miesfan0
Unless you're a burning man, my advice is to spend a season without company. Then, quietly, you decide.
- bulletfactory0
I skipped a few pages, but read all of page 1....
Relationships take work, period. Doing nothing will most certainly make you both (more) miserable.
It sounds like there is a lack of communication from both sides. Open communication is a key factor in any relationship (romantic or otherwise). You're trying to coast through on the history you share and not building steam to move forward.
- pr20
"The cheating thing I am positive on. I definitely respect that there are plenty of women out there who flip their tune, but my gal is not that type. She is dignified enough to break it off before something like that happens."
This means you don't see as a woman but another guy with great ass and set of breasts.
Man and woman are really, really different. we interact with the world, perceive it and with similar facts jump to totally different perspectives. Accept and embrace the difference.
You gotta make a mental list of what matters to you.
cute face - check
great ass - check
breasts with nice nipples - check
those are the obvious ones but then deep deeper:ability to enjoy cooking for her man - nope
getting mature and giving up drinking - nopeetc, etc
After it's a "simple" equation of positives and negatives.I'm dating a wonderful smoking woman right now and after 2 years i can attest that feeling change. Sometimes the desire is not there and then you ask yourself what has changed? (then you dig up some old pics and see that nothing physical changed so the transformation had to occur within). Then other qualities kick in (joy of cooking etc from above). If there is nothing to hold on to but the memories of happy past then i say move on.
- Have you tried asking her to give up smoking?Horp
- You could spnsor her, like $10 a day for every day she doesn't smoke.Horp
- Or nicotine patches maybe. I hear great things about those.Horp
- Also,Horp
- You haven't mentioned whether she likes anal, which is pretty rare for you Pr2.Horp
- But I'm sure she does. What kind of a crazy world would it be if she didn't, huh?Horp
- But anyway, I digress. Maybe hypnotherapy would work.
^ For the smoking I mean.Horp - of course she likes anal, that's besides the questionpr2
- I think my point, the one I was trying to make, sarcastically, is that its always beside the point but...Horp
- ... you always fit it in somehow. Sort of like you're compensating for something. Know what I mean?Horp
- i actually don't.pr2
- rattail0
did I write this? I have the exact same story except we married after 10 years and have a kid now. Oh, and I'm the one who still gets black out drunk.
Relationships are hard... Take a break, go on a vacation by yourself or with your mates. Hopefully you'll see the spark that attracted you in the first place. If not move on now before you get married and have a kid. That will only complicated things 100000%.
- e-pill0
in 13 years and you arent married and no kids.. she isnt pulling her weight, goes out on her own and uses your time to get drunk and really isnt with you..
it is time to move on.. i was married 10 years and lived was together with my ex wife for a total of 14 years..
a lot of what you mentioned i lived thru.. and all the negatives otu weighed the positives..
its been 4+ years since we broke up and divorced, but there isnt a day that goes by that i dont think of her. she was my bestest friend..
the feeling you have as you posted... i say if you do move on.. do it now!!
you are not married.. have no children.. and she sounds like she loves you but doesnt care much for you or your feelings.. she uses you as a crutch to be her stepping stool and still does as she pleases..
it sounds like hell!! or really what my marriage was just before we separated..
i wish you the best of luck.. but there is 1 answer.. break it off.
i wish i wasnt saying that to you.. but i doubt most people here giving you answers have been thru that long of a relationship..
maybe 10 of us.. and everyone else is just feeding into your negatives.. they may say what i am.. but they really dont know what you may be losing..
today i am happy-ish.. but i am much better off than drowning in a negative lifestyle that only fed to its entropy..
good luck.. it will be hard times.. but if you continue it might just be worse.. and all the things you mentioned that you believe isnt happening.. just might happen.. and you really dont want to be part of that..
also i recommend you talk it out with her over us.. however as you said she isnt making any change to help your relationship.. what i hear is she is using your time for her sake and not giving you anything out of it..
move on.. find yourself and others..
- Back on the kronk then epill...Horp
- kronk?e-pill
- SP.
KronicHorp - no way.. have no need for it.e-pill
- Ha, fair do's... to be honest I was making fun of your crazy spellings, but now when I read back I see you didn't...Horp
- ... make any crazy spellings, so I must have skim read and mis-read. As you were!Horp
- UKV0
I think your chosen name "scaredshitless" is the best insight yet, and where you need to start. Start with your own fears, analyze your path and how you wound up here. Write it down. Read it over and over again. But take responsibility for your decisions, good and bad, that led you here and then take control of your fears and master them. Make them your pony bitches and have 'em pull a fookn wagon for you if that's what needs to be done.
"I jumped into the abyss, and it was but knee deep."
- CALLES0
*COUGH
Well after fifty pretty honest replies i think we all deserve a little feedback you ingrate bastid
- TheBlueOne0
"she uses you as a crutch to be her stepping stool "
Jesus, what's with the mixed metaphors man?
- TheBlueOne0
If you play this correctly, in a few short weeks this could be you:
Think about it.
- bliznutty0
TLDR
- moldero0
or this:
- horton0
sounds like you need to hook up with a Sidney Fife.
- scaredshitless0
Thanks for everyone's input. Most of it has been valuable, in that I have a mix of different perspectives on what appears to be a fairly common, but of course a serious issue as well. I need to spend a few days internalizing and analyzing more deeply. I will probably create a list of things I feel can improve the situation and "build steam for a future" as someone put it. I will sit down and have an adult discussion about them, but after the holidays, and see where we land. One thing that is a lot more clear now is that it would be really unfair to make any sort of decisions with myself before I can come to the table with her and absorb her perspectives.
Really appreciated some of the advice in this thread. It was very helpful to hear nuggets from other people's divergent experiences. Thanks, again.
- monNom0
By the sounds of it, your relationship has developed into a sort of parent-child dynamic. If you're the sole breadwinner and she is reliant on you for everything, it reduces her status in the relationship. Look at how teenagers treat their parents, does that look familiar?
In an unequal partnership you inevitable end up with feelings of resentment that can spiral into self destructive and rebellious behaviour.You can either break it off, or if you're willing to keep trying, see if her getting out and earning for herself helps to shape things up. This gives her economic power in the relationship, a sense of worth and self esteem, and may result in those current issues melting away.
...or you could just be living with an alcoholic perma-child that will never ever change. The willingness to work at it is the determining factor.
my $0.02
- monNom0
option #2 is that she's been with you 14years, still no kids, and on a very primal level her instincts are pushing her away from you while she's still young. The biological clock is no-joke.