dad jokes
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- stoplying1
What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay?
- mort_23
I told my wife, “I won the Leslie Nielsen prize at the office today.”
Her: What’s that?
Me: It’s a place where people go to work, but that’s not important right now.
- https://i.chzbgr.com…prophetone
- WOTDWordsworth
- Standing ovation.garbage
- DAD LEVEL 80cherub
- Shirley, you're jokingkoma_
- Leslie Nielsen was the Lord of All Dads.CyBrainX
- Elwin740
Taylor Swift is going to the doctor's office: 'Doc, my hair is falling out, my poop is transparent, I pass out all the time, and as you might notice, I'm in a wheelchair. I think I'm dying...'
Doc: 'Thank god, I thought you came in here to sing!'
- mort_4
- Being sueco I'm obligated to laugh, but there are a lot better ones if you wanna go hard on the seal-clubbers from norwahiArchitectofFate
- BuddhaHat2
An elderly man rear-ended a guy driving an expensive European sports car. Enraged, the guy hops out and confronts the old man. He yells,
"Look what you did to my car! You're going to give me $10,000 right now or I'm going to beat you to a pulp!"
"Oh my..." the old man said nervously. "I don't have that kind of money. Let me call my son,” he said with hope. “He trains dolphins and he will know what to do."
"Dolphins!" the other driver huffed while rolling his eyes.
The old man pulled out his phone, dialed his son, and just as his son answered, the irate man snatched the phone away from the old man.
"So, YOU'RE a dolphin trainer, huh?” The irate man yelled, “Well, your old man here just rear-ended my car and I need TEN GRAND right now, or I'm going to beat you AND your old man to a pulp!"
"I'll be there in 10 minutes." says the voice calmly on the other end.
Exactly 10 minutes later, a Jeep pulls up and a guy hops out and proceeds to pulverize the bully, leaving him in a heap on the side of the road. When he finished, he walked over to his father and said,
"For the last time Dad, I train Seals... Navy Seals. NOT dolphins!”
- that's a man with a porpoise right there_niko
- "Youthful porpoise"palimpsest
- _niko10
- Ramanisky214
- I chuckled_niko
- hahahahans_glib
- huh?nbq
- ^ hmm .. I’ll bite
curiosity killed the ...Ramanisky2
- NBQ00-3
What's the name of my pet Moth?
Mothew.
- jagara6
- I am the CEO one of the largest Mexican cheese manufacturers.
- Que. So?
Just made this one up. Thank you.
- *ofjagara
- 'K, so?
Would be more "legible".
#hooked on phonics.palimpsest - OK, so? also works.
Oh, queso?palimpsest - Lol. Loved pali's accurate edits.maquito
- But "Que" is Spanish, which adds extra depth to this phenomenal pun.jagara
- 1.Qué didn't work because it's pronounced Keh. 2.When you make a pun in writing you want to use the misdirection and have the reader hear the pun in their head.palimpsest
- But you do you, chief.palimpsest
- The more accurate one is it's being pitched to American Big Cheese, and the response should be inverted:garbage
- "Y que?"garbage
- I, too, am hooked on phonics.Continuity
- @garbage
You're gonna have to explain that one, champ. Because eye know compren-day.palimpsest - To quiero Taco Bell. Run for the border.monospaced
- mmmKay. So?wagshaft
- It's the common expression for "So what?" Kraft wouldn't give two shits about the CEO of a large Mexican cheese manufacturer. I didn't say it was funny.garbage
- @mono there is no "to" personal pronoun. "Tengo ni el tiempo ni los crayones", as the saying goes.garbage
- (That I probably butchered, but that was what one of my profesoras would mutter when I wasn't getting something)garbage
- LOL
So you were just flaunting your Spanish.palimpsest - Si, siempre. Estoy muy.. rusty?garbage
- I am glad this content sparked relevant debates and exchanges.jagara