QBN fiction
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- dbloc0
and then the QBN Fiction thread got spammed.
- is this a real post, because... uhhhpopfodders
- it's not real.dbloc
- ok he hepopfodders
- But suddenly, I can't add a post.CyBrainX
- vaxorcist0
Canonball1978 looked around and noticed nobody was watching, so he clicked on the link that said "Stupendously Amazing Discount Nike Intergalactic Orgasmic Shoes" and his computer started doing something rather odd....
- popfodders0
Odd in that it had a mechanism installed that allowed him to read the thoughts of Mark Zuckerberg.
- vaxorcist0
There was this weird chorus of young women's voices he'd never heard before in his head.... they were contemptous and mocking, each one saying in a bit of a boston accent some variation of "no you fucking idiot, I will not sleep with you!"
- Beeswax0
he saw zuckerberg sitting naked in front of a computer with his left hand on the mouse and constantly repeating "one day, one day you will all beg me, bitches, you will aahhlllhhh!"
- monNom0
...but it turned out, it was all a dream
THE END.
- whereRI0
but then it wasnt
- jon_d0
The sequel was over, but yet another epilogue:
From the ashes of Zuckerbergs cyborg corpse there was a calm peace. All of the children from all different parts of the world joined hands and shouted in unison:
Kill everyone. Die bitches, die.
end of epilogue.
- vaxorcist0
It was a bit before down, somewhere in a dark muddy foggy suburban back yard tree house. A boy named Jason had just discovered a white plastic hockey mask in a cardboard box of shit his uncle had left when he was evicted by his own family....
- Projectile0
He took the mask to show his friends. Andy, the larger of his friends, and something of a bully, decided that he wanted that mask, and so took it from Jason.
But Jason was insistent that, as the mask was his, he should be the one who decides who gets to wear it. He confronted Andy about this, but Andy was hearing none of it. Jason welled up with anger, and snatched it from him, cursing and insulting. Instantly a fight broke out between the two. Jason's mother came running out of the house, dragged him inside and, among scoldings, explained that she was tired of his antics in whilst with his friends, and that she was going to send him to live with her sister in Bel Air...
- vaxorcist0
Jason's mom's car had just been repossessed, because she'd blown all her money on meth and the house was about to be forclosed.
She'd hope that some excuse would happen so she could send her kid to live with his sister.... and soon.... even though his sister was herself a suicide-girl reject and worked at a job she'd hope nobody would find out about....
- vaxorcist0
Jason took an all-night megabus for the trip to Bel Air.... the A/C was busted, but the ticket was cheap, and the last $18 his mom had on that stolen credit card she'd gotten from her dealer after she did a few favors....
Next to Jason sat this hairy fat guy, furiously typing on his iPhone, while listening to some irriratingly bizarre motivational speaker on headphones that didn't cover his hairy freckly ears at all...
- vaxorcist0
Jason was about to go to sleep when the fat guy belched and farted and got up to go to the bathroom, as he stood up an altoids tin fell out of his pocket and a whole bunch of fortune cookie papers fell out, all over the floor. The fat guy grabbed for them as if his fortunes would change rapidly if he didn't get them all before anyone else could read them.... Jason just sat there and tried to look normal....
- jon_d0
Fat dude then was all like " yo jason hit that bong G"
Jason" yeah"hits from da bong ensued.
jason started doing the running man, fat dude was like "yo, watch this" he did a spin off his stomach until the fat wore off completely.
"oh shit im skinny!" said the now-skinny fat dude.
Jason could only smile.
"word."
- vaxorcist0
The stoned fat-now-skinny guy looked at the now stoned Jason and started asking him a series of carefully worded questions....
fat-now-skinny-guy:Do you use soap?
Jason: uh... hey, I don't stink, what are you tryin' to say?fat-now-skinny-guy: Hey, I'm just asking... no worries...
Jason: okaaay.... uh...fat-now-skinny-guy: Do you take any vitamins or drink any energy drinks?
Jason: well, maybe sometimes, if they're lying around the house....fat-now-skinny-guy: Have you ever heard of Quixtar?
Jason: Isn't that the name that Netflix just gave their DVD by mail service they had to spin off for some random bullshit copyright reason?fat-now-skinny-guy:Do you want to lose Weight like i did and make lots of money very fast?
Jason:uh... I'm not in need of losing weight... but I sure cound use some money...fat-now-skinny-guy: Well, have I got an offer for you.... Quickstar is not to be confused with a DVD company, it's got a long history, under a different name, but I'll get to that later... and...
the fat-now-skinny guy's voice changed an octave lower and he delivered what seemed like a canned sales pitch to Jason, about how he should sign up for a meeting and start signing up other people for a meeting and go to lots of meetings and make sure he has space in his new place for a lot of boxes of things that will come in the mail....
and Jason became an MLM guy just like that.... the Multi Level Marketing meetings were an odd addiction for him, he met the most interesting people there... and he couldn't stop going to these meetings...
- jon_d0
Jason traded the mask for glasses and started trading his knives for Organic cookbooks.
life was certainly changing for Jason.
No more Megadeath, now... Phil Collins.
- jon_d0
Freddy went to visit Jason for dinner.
Jason, I am proud of you. I wish I could change but... nah, F that. WHat the hell is wrong with you man? You used to be real, G. Now... you drive a damn beamer, damn son.
- jon_d0
Jason: I do not appreciate your tone or half-baked lingo Fred.
The world has changed. Evolve or die.
Freddy started to get that look.
- jon_d0
"I'll bring you right back to my world Jason."
"Never forget."