QBN fiction
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- vaxorcist0
In each of the safes was a single dark blue rubber glove with the middle finger cut out, a long red lock of hair with a rubber band holding it together, a photo of a semi-disembowled cannonball1978 hugging the talentless film producer.... and a crumpled up note.
- honest0
... upon hearing the news, a collection of individuals headed back to their apartments and unlocked hidden safes in their closets.
- Beeswax0
A piece of concrete that came out of no where bursted the shop window first and then the 65" LED Tv on the display.
Seconds later people with masks on their face stormed into the electronics store with baseball bats and iron bars in their hands.
Almost all of them have some icons on their clothing that resembled communism.These were communists,
in the heart of capitalism,
The Wall Street.
- jon_d0
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*end commercial interruption*
- Beeswax0
react with the soap that he'd use and turn blue.
Couple of days later, he was sitting in his modest living room decorated with a dark brown desk an old green couch and a dirty yellow rug.
He looked at his fingers.
"Bluefingers!" he thought
"That should be the name of my next movie!"
- honest0
...little did he know that the yellow stains on his fingers would later-
- vaxorcist0
The talentless film producer finjshes readiding aloud the excerpts from the film script he found in the trash at in-n-out burger and hands it to steven spielberg's assistant after wiping off the mustard stains.
- cannonball19780
Years pass. The seasons turn—Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. And back again. QBN grows old, gray, dies of old age. Their kids die of old age. Their grandkids die of old age.
Then, suddenly, one day in the halls of an agency no-one would have even imagined years and years ago... a janitor swears he sees a walking upright nervous system, wandering the halls at night.
Then a week later, the office manager swears she sees a skeleton looking out an office window.
A copywriter drops his coffee when he sees a jumble of organs operating the holo-copy machine.
A month passes when suddenly, there is a brilliant blue light in the main conference room and Cannonball1978 appears, naked and blue in the middle of the Virgin Galactic pitch meeting, wagging schlong and all.
"I have... returned..."
- ukit0
Cannonball's remains float through the air, sort of like the feather in Forrest Gump, only to land in the nostrils of a zombie Mel Gibson.
Gibson, clothed in the traditional Scottish dress from his 1995 film "Braveheart," is shuffling alongside the rapidly decomposing corpses of Adolf Hitler and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
"Jeeeeews," he mumbles.
Gibson drools out Cannonball's remains onto the ground, where they they are immediately consumed by a pack of ravenous hyenas.
- honest0
cannonball1978's will was too strong to be destroyed at this point and a few tiny cells escaped and floated in the air to be breathed-in by...
- jon_d0
...thats what cannonball dreamed about as his head disintegrated into dust.
- cannonball19780
... with an m16 that shoots $100 dollar bills.
- jon_d0
Bill Murray shoots cannonball1978 in the face.
- cannonball19780
Id read more of these if they followed some semblance of order with each other.
- jon_d0
The throng of Zombies approached Willis.
"Today is as good a day to die as any." Bruce murmured.
Zombie Ashton approached first, Willis decapitates him with a forearm shiver.
"Sorry Ashton."
Willis grabs Kucher by the ankles and proceeds to create a tornado of offense not unlike Street Fighter's Zangief.
"Ugghhhhh!!"Zombie parts flew everywhere and for 5 minutes Willis was in control.
But it was too much to overcome. Out of the pit emerged Zombie willis.
"MTV awarrrdddsss." uttered Zombie Bruce Willis.
Was all hope lost?
Is this the end of civilization as we know it?
"Not so freakin' fast."
It was Bill Murray.
"You must defeat Sheng Long to stand a chance."
"And I wooped Sheng Long's ass.""Haaa- doouuuuu- keNNNNN!!!"
A huge fireball formed from Murray's hands destroying all of the Zombies in his path."That's right you ugly son-of-a-bitches."
- ukit0
Now endowed with Godlike powers from munching on the pizza, zombie-Tony begins organizing a campaign to conquer the world as we know it. With no more "All My Children" to serve as a distraction, Tony is easily able to amass an undead army millions strong.
The only thing standing in the way: an aging, arthritic Bruce Willis.
- ukit0
Meanwhile, ABC’s All My Children’ ended its 41-year television run.
- ukit0
Talentless film producer stuffs the fifty in his pocket and unrolls the note.
It reads: "Look the fuck out."
Talentless film dude looks up with a blank stare and blinks once.
Suddenly out of nowhere zombie Tony leaps into view, emitting a blood curdling snarl. A combination of blood, spittle and feces fly from his rotting corpse mouth.
To everyone's surprise however, Tony doesn't attack either Hunter Thompson/ Cannonball or the talentless film guy but instead opens the box of pizza and takes a bite.
"Nom nom nom."
- vaxorcist0
Meanwhile back at the ranch house where the talentless film producer delivers the pizza the door is answered by the ghost of hunter s thompson inhabiting the body of cannonball1978 .... he hands the delivery guy a $50 and a rolled up notr
- ukit0
Meanwhile, hovering approximately 100,000,000,000 feet above the Earth, God confronts the conundrum of how a character who has been reading the QBN Fiction thread can also be a part of it.
"The existential contradictions and narrative discontinuity are simply unacceptable." God pulls out a Walther P99 from his robes, inserts the barrel in his mouth and squeezes the trigger.
Approximately 100,000,000,000 feet below, bits of God-brain rain on the talentless film producer's pizza.