QBN fiction
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- jon_d0
cannonball 1978 then turned into a snake and ate himself.
- jon_d0
He was surrounded my nothing but milk, milk everywhere... the walls were made of this sweet nectar and his mother, formed from the milk, pushed cannonball's head to her teet.
"Drink of me. For I created you."
Cannonball had no choice, his naked body attracted to the teet like a magnet attracted to it's polar opposite. He drank.
- jon_d0
The spock tattoo's were Cannonballs only visual as he surped the organic syrup.
- vaxorcist0
unfortunately, his mom forgot to remove both nipple rings, and canonball ended up swallowing one
- jon_d0
after swallowing it, he looked up at the white sky and screamed at the top of his lungs the only thing he felt compelled to scream at that point...
"KAAAAHHHHNNN!!!!"
- vaxorcist0
The paramedics dragged Canonball's writhing body back to the ambulance and tried to ask him a few questions....
- CyBrainX0
He was confused until the doctor placed his hand on Cannonball's head and said "REMEMBER".
- vaxorcist0
he wished he didn't remember quite a few of the recent things that happened, especially .....
- honest0
that time in band camp when...
- cannonball19780
Cannonball1978 came to, with pee and poop in his pants, still in the school attic, wondering what had just happened to him since the last time he posted what he was doing.
"What... what the hell is happening to me," he choked, coughing up a bit of bile and wretching. "Fuck my head hurts."
He looked down at the book. The two snakes eating each other, the orin symbol that he thought was the Never Ending Story cover... seemed a little off. It wasn't published in Germany, but in Taiwan. He read the cover again, aloud.
"Never... Ending... Hallucination?!"
Fucking knockoffs, he thought to himself. Great. Now I'm in a school attic tripping my balls off about weird spock tits and swallowing peircings and being spit out of universe anuses as zombies. I just need to calm down... get off... whatever this is.
One thing was sure: he wasn't going to look in that book again.
- This really puts it in perspective. Tony's a winner with lumpy pants.CyBrainX
- ukit0
Then he rubbed his eyes one more time.
- ukit0
Suddenly the screen goes black.
Camera slowly zooms out...
Cannonball is now a fetus floating in space.
Tony the blind, earless, flatulent zombie floats behind him, clawing aimlessly into the void.
*Theme music plays, reaching a crescendo
*Credits roll
- jon_d0
The camera comes on after the credits.
Bruce Wayne is getting a pedicure by Alfred.
"Hey... the shows over folks. Get out of here. Yeah, you.
Don't make me get my bat-bat and swing on y'all.Shoo."
- Beeswax0
Drud pushed a button embedded in his seat and turned off the viewer.
"What the Zak was that?"
"I told you, humans are utterly irrational" said Braka looking at the empty screen with sleepy eyes.
"Did you travel zakking 23 kazbands to bring us back this shit? What did scientists say about this?"
"They don't know how the inhabitants of W%^23 managed to survive on that planet for thousands of years. They are now calculating the probability of chances."
"Looks like it's going to take them some time to get a result."
- Beeswax0
"Did you able to get a sample of their reproductory organs?" asked Drud, still looking a little tense for watching a record of what seems to be the daily life of humans.
"I did but Rakus hold on to them."
"Rakus the frik sucker!" said Drud
"Why do you say that? he doesn't suck friks"
"Oh yes he does.
Why do you think he left in the middle of this transformation"
Braka was silent for a moment, then he opened his eyes like he discovered something.
"Do you think that he wants to keep both of his reproductory organs and not complete his cycle?
But that's illegal!"
"Sure it is my old friend, and guess why he wanted to hold on to those human reproductory organs?"
- ukit0
"Myeh."
Drud gave the Drwjathiqwikuarian gesture for who gives a fuck. "Let's head back to the station house. Haters gonna hate, my nigga."
It was a term they had picked up from the recording.
Braka eased the ship, whose engine was the technological equivalent of 15 Large Hadron Colliders, into high gear. Settling in for the 500 year space flight, Drud slouched next to the viewing device and lit a blunt.
He hit the rewind button on the viewer and watched in a state of semi-boredom as the tape played from the beginning.
- vaxorcist0
The tape was a strange format called VHS... and it had once inhabited an oddball place on that "earth" planet called "blockbuster" .... after playing a while, it began to get a very shaky picture, right when a woman with dark hair and a red bikini top climbs out of a swimming pool and runs towards the camera, opening her top very slowly with water dripping off, only this part was very hard to see, because the tape had been paused so many times by earthlings at this part......
- jon_d0
Braka stared at the footage in awe.
"Look at those mammaries."
Drud agreed as he obsessed over the screen.
"Yeah those would look great next to my Xyaxxs""Oh you are so bad."exclaimed Braka," Mammaries cannot be upsondered onto your body yet. It's against code.."
"Fuck code, you think I give two Qak's about Quintesson law?"
"Im going to get some human mammaries upsondered sooner rather than later. And I know just the human that I want to take them from ."Drud took out the torn magazine page from his wallet and looked at the image of Pamela Anderson for the 1000th time, rubbing the paper in an obsessive manner.
"Borat, my god, you were right."