QBN fiction
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- fyoucher10
Jessica had spilled water all over herself. She was dripping wet. The water, being infected, had turned into a zombie herself. She was hungry but Greasy Joe's was closed, so she ate Tony's ears. Tony was now blind, deaf, and dead but alive. Someone starting touching him. He thought it was Jessica but couldn't tell who it was....
- jon_d0
The sequel was over, but yet another epilogue:
From the ashes of Zuckerbergs cyborg corpse there was a calm peace. All of the children from all different parts of the world joined hands and shouted in unison:
Kill everyone. Die bitches, die.
end of epilogue.
- cannonball19780
... with an m16 that shoots $100 dollar bills.
- jon_d0
...thats what cannonball dreamed about as his head disintegrated into dust.
- doesnotexist0
so he ate her. immediately, without hesitation.
- honest0
cannonball1978's will was too strong to be destroyed at this point and a few tiny cells escaped and floated in the air to be breathed-in by...
- ukit0
As Tony finished scarfing down what he assumed were Wet Jessica's remains, there was a knock on the door of her house.
- Beeswax0
Drud pushed a button embedded in his seat and turned off the viewer.
"What the Zak was that?"
"I told you, humans are utterly irrational" said Braka looking at the empty screen with sleepy eyes.
"Did you travel zakking 23 kazbands to bring us back this shit? What did scientists say about this?"
"They don't know how the inhabitants of W%^23 managed to survive on that planet for thousands of years. They are now calculating the probability of chances."
"Looks like it's going to take them some time to get a result."
- ukit0
Cannonball's remains float through the air, sort of like the feather in Forrest Gump, only to land in the nostrils of a zombie Mel Gibson.
Gibson, clothed in the traditional Scottish dress from his 1995 film "Braveheart," is shuffling alongside the rapidly decomposing corpses of Adolf Hitler and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
"Jeeeeews," he mumbles.
Gibson drools out Cannonball's remains onto the ground, where they they are immediately consumed by a pack of ravenous hyenas.
- Beeswax0
"Did you able to get a sample of their reproductory organs?" asked Drud, still looking a little tense for watching a record of what seems to be the daily life of humans.
"I did but Rakus hold on to them."
"Rakus the frik sucker!" said Drud
"Why do you say that? he doesn't suck friks"
"Oh yes he does.
Why do you think he left in the middle of this transformation"
Braka was silent for a moment, then he opened his eyes like he discovered something.
"Do you think that he wants to keep both of his reproductory organs and not complete his cycle?
But that's illegal!"
"Sure it is my old friend, and guess why he wanted to hold on to those human reproductory organs?"
- CALLES0
(wait the jessica we be referring to is JSK... right?)
- cannonball19780
Years pass. The seasons turn—Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. And back again. QBN grows old, gray, dies of old age. Their kids die of old age. Their grandkids die of old age.
Then, suddenly, one day in the halls of an agency no-one would have even imagined years and years ago... a janitor swears he sees a walking upright nervous system, wandering the halls at night.
Then a week later, the office manager swears she sees a skeleton looking out an office window.
A copywriter drops his coffee when he sees a jumble of organs operating the holo-copy machine.
A month passes when suddenly, there is a brilliant blue light in the main conference room and Cannonball1978 appears, naked and blue in the middle of the Virgin Galactic pitch meeting, wagging schlong and all.
"I have... returned..."
- dbloc0
and then the QBN Fiction thread got spammed.
- is this a real post, because... uhhhpopfodders
- it's not real.dbloc
- ok he hepopfodders
- But suddenly, I can't add a post.CyBrainX
- dbloc0
He's Dead Dammit! He's Dead!
- jon_d0
The boss begins a slow clap, soon the whole office joins in.
Tony has done it... he has saved the firm from utter demise.He glances over at the new receptionist that he has been keen on.
She gives him a "Im going to fuck you brains out look"
All is well with Tony.
But, no... TACOS, BATMAN, TACOS, BATMAN!!!!!
Tony realizes he is slipping in and out of consciousness..he is still hanging on a rooftop. The world below him obliterated by a half-functioning zombie megatron. A half-functioning zombie megatron trying to give Optimus Prime some weed!
"What do you know, dammit?"
"Theres no time!" - screamed batman"I dont know!!!" Tony replies.
"If Megatron wasnt made of Kryptonite maybe Superman would have lived. But Lex coated him with Kryptonite." batman mumbled to himself.
"it's all over. The world is destroyed. Why Lex... WHY?!??!"
- dbloc0
A moment of silence please..........for Tony.
- ukit0
...a voice from outside the house said.
- sigg0
Lex replied... "Because, when all things are said and done and all the cards are on the table,... banana."
- ukit0
"Myeh."
Drud gave the Drwjathiqwikuarian gesture for who gives a fuck. "Let's head back to the station house. Haters gonna hate, my nigga."
It was a term they had picked up from the recording.
Braka eased the ship, whose engine was the technological equivalent of 15 Large Hadron Colliders, into high gear. Settling in for the 500 year space flight, Drud slouched next to the viewing device and lit a blunt.
He hit the rewind button on the viewer and watched in a state of semi-boredom as the tape played from the beginning.
- vaxorcist0
Jason's mom's car had just been repossessed, because she'd blown all her money on meth and the house was about to be forclosed.
She'd hope that some excuse would happen so she could send her kid to live with his sister.... and soon.... even though his sister was herself a suicide-girl reject and worked at a job she'd hope nobody would find out about....