Looking for advice...
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- ********0
No worries, the doctor is on his way
- needs more fucking LOL in it.fml
- trying to cheer you up buddy********
- oop. i meant more fucking lol CUBE :) http://lolcube.com/p…fml
- and thanks :)fml
- LOL!********
- BonSeff0
i don't understand why you won't use her infidelity against her.
could mean the difference between paying alimony AND child support.
sack up.- im in a no fault divorce state. it will have very little bearing on judgements.fml
- Move to an 'at fault' state, you only have to be resident for 90 days.mikotondria3
- vaxorcist0
in a nofault divorce state, you can be married to a total psychopath..... and it won't matter.....
there is the difference between "equitable distrubution" and "equal distribution" of assets, depends on the state...
Note also that some spouses hide assets and/or spend everything right before the divorce filing....
- ********0
- vaxorcist0
okay.... away from the netbanging and amusing randomness....
1. It's a no-fault state, so whatever you feel is not part of the law.... whatever you feel is between you and the primal scream therapy.... a mountain range hiking trip while screaming it all out may be a good idea...
2. the "fuck this shit I just want to find the exit" moment is very dangerous, especially when you have kids... my lawyer warned me about this... .but it was too late, I'd already agreed to some completely impossible conditions my ex wanted me to do, I talked to her while in my moment of just wanting to be done with it all... then it dragged on annother 2 years, so remaining civil is good, but just trying to make it all stop by hitting the "exit button" and "signing whatever it is" can be a recipe for being talked into things you cannot actually do, then facing hard consequences of not fulfilling the impossible and the court does not like this.....
3. try NOT to use your lawyer as a shrink.... my ex did, I didn't, her lawyer ended up costing her 5 times what mine cost me for the same case. My lawyer said some lawyers business models is to just keep the client on the phone while the billable hours rack up....
4 try to remain civil, while I don't totally agree with it, there's a book called " the good karma divorce" and it's an interesting read....
- fml0
Holy fuck this shit hurts.
- oh, I bet. Sorry for you :(
It'll get better, I promise.
mikotondria3 - it does get better... I've been divorced over a year now... remarried too!vaxorcist
- oh, I bet. Sorry for you :(
- ali0
Hold in there, feel what you need to feel, let it out, then let it pass like a cloud.
It won't last. The biggest lesson in love and in life is learning to let go when you do that you feel a deep calming peace like you've never felt before.
- rodzilla0
Keep friends and family around you. Even if you can't open up to them man, you have to keep people that care about you near and dear. It will be one of the few things that help.
Don't resort to alcohol and other things to get you through. As most are saying, stay grounded, stay true to what you believe and keep moving toward positivity. I hope like hell this works the way it should for the both of you. Having the kids involved is what makes this even more brutal.
I cannot imagine what I'd do if came across your findings in my own home. It will get better.
- attentionspan0
might help you relax
- ********0
Even if the marriage is shot, therapy can be a good way to clear the air and handle the situation as adults. Just make sure you drive separately.
- vaxorcist0
Definately Drive Separately.
My ex and I argued on the way to the counseling, and/or we were silent and thinking and stewing... sometimes we seemed to get along fine, but we had different ideas of what we said in the car..... ugh!
- fml0
I caved.
I confronted her this morning. It was over text messaging, but I couldn't wait any longer. Didn't sleep all night and was starting to come apart this morning. I was planning on a face to face, but I couldn't take the torture of holding it in any longer.
I'm not sure what the ramifications will be moving forward. But I can't even explain how it feels to have gotten that out in the open with her. She claims she's done nothing wrong, and that it was all just "talking." I know the truth though and that's what matters. I feel like I can stop obsessing over it so much now and maybe work on moving on. Doesn't make it hurt less, but that dark festering shit that was driving insane feels like it's gone. Maybe I will actually be able to sleep and eat again.
Out of curiosity I looked at the phone records (i need to stop that, it only serves to upset me). I wanted to see if she contacted him after we'd texted. Come to find out she was texting with him the whole time I was pouring out my heart out to her and she was denying having done anything wrong.
Not sure how things will go from here. Not sure if she's going to continue to be civil and not turn this ugly. It know it's probably short lived, and maybe a little selfish and reckless to the big picture, but holy fuck - what a relief.
I'm not sure counseling will happen, no matter what I want. She's past it and she'll never admit to it or say sorry. Again - I know the truth, and I've told her that. Now it's up to her to be truthful with herself.
Thanks again everyone. I'm sure this isn't the end of it. Probably just the start...
FYI - the divorce diet is super effective at losing weight. I wish I could package this shit up and sell it. I'd be worth millions.
- oh wowmonospaced
- Good on you. That's a huge step forward, sir.mikotondria3
- iheartfun0
Good for you dude. I know it must be a huge weight off your shoulders and I think it was the right thing to do. It's up to her now to keep it civil as obviously you have shared your feelings and want nothing to effect the kids. Kuddos!
- Fax_Benson0
Sounds like you're dealing with this pretty well (apart from the not eating). It might seem as though she's getting what she wants at the moment, but I reckon you'll come out of this stronger/better person, judging by the way you've handled things so far. Not that I have a clue.
Hope it gets easier soon.
- goldieboy0
Not caving, but making your first step towards your future. It must have been hard, but you did it... Well done man!
- vaxorcist0
she may have a hell of a lot of guilt and/or cognitive dissonance.... keeping her story straight can be very tiring, keeping up a facade like this will break sometime.....
She may actually be relieved when it's all blown out into the open, you never know...
- Jacque0
She sounds like a sociopath, incapable of feelings.
- what an insensitive, naive thing to say ... she's the mother of his children, dudemonospaced
- Insensitive is cheating on your spouse and lying about it.Jacque
- Also, look up what defines a sociopath. From what he's shared, the hallmarks are there.Jacque
- So what if she's the mother.cannonball1978
- fml0
I love my fucking kids. They are so awesome. Had a rough day, despite it being my birthday. Went and picked up my kids from my wife's and about lost my shit on the way home. Got back, and the kids had a present and cards for me. This is the one from my oldest who's 8. Translation below.
Translation: Dad I think you will love the present. I know that divorce is hard, but it will get better. It is still hard for me. But I am having fun with both of you guys. I love you a lot. I've been having fun with Mom. I hope you have a fun Halloween. Love Aidan. I love you Dad.
I've always remained strong in front of them so they don't have to feel like things are out of control. So this was entirely by his own deductions. Fucking amazing kid. Turned my day right the fuck around.
- desmo0
Amazing. Despite all the negative shit going on, your kids very strong. You are doing something right. Keep your head up. Brighter days are ahead.
- fml0
So we're working with a mediator to figure out how everything is going to break down and to help file all the paperwork.
Trying to decide on if the fight to get what's right is worth it. Because I know I'm going to get screwed. I've given her everything that she's asked for so far, and she hasn't given me shit. Luckily nothing is legal yet, so I can still change my mind and fight. Question is, is it worth it...
I have so much fucking contempt for that woman right now. And I can't understand why I'm so broken over losing her.