Looking for advice...
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- capn_ron0
fml,
I think you should be thinking about what you need and what you would like in this deal. The mediator is there for a reason. I caved in and basically let my ex take whatever she wanted and then I had to make tons of purchases for random crap. Don't just give in and let her take what she wants. Stand up for yourself and keep some of it. You're going to be paying anyway, so you may as well get a toaster and a blender and a good knife outta the deal. Just stay strong and think about what you need to get by everyday.
- Gnash0
Don't worry about the little things, like furnishings and other detritus of the daily grind, those things get replaced. make your stand on the big issues that will affect you for the rest of your life; parenting agreement, financial support, separation of major assets. Do not not give in on those issues. You have to remember that you will need to provide for your kids as well. Being the 'nice' guy will get you absolutely nowhere. Just be fair - don't fool yourself into thinking you'll get any points for being generous. you won't.
- fml0
thanks capn_ron.
i'm trying hard to choose my battles now. trying really hard to let the petty shit go (as much as I'd like to punch her). biggest things for me are getting the time i deserve with my kids, and not going fucking broke supporting her lazy selfish ass. (hah, can you tell I'm finally getting to the "fuck you" stage?)
- "Haven't found a way to say 'fuck you' politely."
-- Swollen Membersmonospaced - the fuck you stage will carry you out of depression. just don't let it take over your true self.sea_sea
- "Haven't found a way to say 'fuck you' politely."
- vaxorcist0
My lawyer told me of a couple who spent over $1000 in lawyers fees fighting over who would get a $240 lawnmower....
But she did say to never just "say take anything" because it's interpreted not just as a "blank cheque" but sometimes as an indication that the marriage "meant nothing to you anyway" and this may actually cause more fighting, rather than less.....
there's no need to be an asshole, nor a doormat, just think about what matters to you... and yes, I realize that a divorce causes you to question what you thought matters to you....
think what will matter to you in a few years... not now...
- cannonball19780
One thing that should be a priority:
Get some awkward strange. Get on that bike ASAP or it will be harder later.
- aaah, the therapeutic effects of 'the strange' are miraculousmonospaced
- yeah - need to get out and start being social again. will be fucking weird after 11 years...fml
- cannonball19780
Sorry that was insensitive. But to be honest, the best way to survive is to plunge daggers into whatever remains of your feelings for her.
- No stewing. No simmering. No lids. Flash frying and brutal chopping. Hot sauces. On the plate - bang.mikotondria3
- cannonball19780
Also find/curbjob the other guy.
- fml0
Thanks again everyone.
Finally got all the terms settled and I should be divorced by the end of this month. Still hard as fuck to swallow, but shit doesn't seem nearly as dark as it did a few months ago.
She's buying me out of the house (well... her mom is). Plan on using a little of that cash to go buy some toys. Just bought a new mountain bike a couple of days ago. 29er hardtail! Plan on taking my agressions out on the trail.
Being back on the dating scene after 12 years is weird as fuck. I feel like I forgot how to talk to women. But amazing how a bit of the strange does change your mood. :)
- dbloc0
similar situation. In the midst of a divorce myself. I was with her for 9 years, so dating at first was a bit weird, but get a few behind you and you'll be back in the game.
- fml0
So, it's what - almost a year later? I got my shit back together. Just bought a new house, have a new dog, and been seeing someone super cool (and hot, might I add). Crazy ass shit. Never thought I'd pull myself out of that bullshit. It's like fucking night and day. Life is good again.
Thanks again, QBNers.
- fFuck yeah dude. Send the old hag a postcard now.cannonball1978