Marriage.
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- arthur0
Do you guys WANT the marriage to work? If you both want to, there is a way.
My wife and I were having huge problems a few years back, and divorce was on both of our minds. The only reason we hesitated was because of our young son. We wanted to stay together, but just had debilitating recurring problems that seemed like they could never be resolved. We went to a marriage counselor, and while it was a lot of gut-wrenching work, and nearly broke our bank, it absolutely saved our marriage. We were both amazed at the turnaround. Been together 17 years.
When (and there's no "if" about it) times get tough again, it's what I'll do. It's a bit of a reset, a purge. If you both want to be together, there's not much you can't overcome.
- scarabin0
you need to both pop some ecstasy and have a nice eight-hour talk
- pr20
brow if not the kids i would tell you straight up that your marriage will NOT work out - you guys are simply too young. When i meet a chick nowdays all i have to ask how old she was when her relationship with current boyfriend started (if it started before she turned 26 - it's doomed). People below 26-27 are simply too dumb and inexperienced about life and want to have fun rather than responsibilities that is simply the truth of life.
- ShaunM0
Please read this:
- bliznutty0
i feel sorry for you grizzly
- plash0
got hitched; July5 2014; Chicago, The Field Museum
- bklyndroobeki0
looks like the original poster is about to get married again lol... sorry
- ********0
Before you marry, make sure they are your best friend. Even best friends fall out, but if you're not best friends and understand each other perfectly and grow, your partner is just going to get sick of you and the reverse.
- cruddlebub0
to be honest, marriage is a big deal, and if you were willing enough to go through the whole getting married malarky in the first place then you should take the time to try and resolve it.
if it's impossible and you are at the very VERY end of it all then yeah, ending is the only option, your kids are very young and wont remember it, or at least much of it.
i have been with my fiancee for 9 years this year, we've been engaged for 7 years, and realistically i can't ever see us getting married!
we behave the same as a married couple... we have a mortgage, a pet dog, 4 kids between us.
i wasn't bothered about getting married to begin with and she was really into the idea, now i'd rather get married and she's not bothered. I can go on not being married though, i'm not gunna cry about it.
my lady was in a relationship for 12 years not being in love with her partner before she eventually gave him the hoof...
women do seem to have more power than we want to admit in a relationship.
my lady is my best friend too... that kinda helps.
- autoflavour0
i think people build the actual ceremony way out of proportion .. and as result it puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on the actual marriage itself, both financially and emotionally.
my wife and I eloped one month after I proposed.. no one knew except a few friends in Berlin at the time, and we told all our family and extended network after the fact.
it wasnt without its own stress and bullshit, but the whole circus and bullshit that goes with the "big day" was thrown out the window and our lives were pretty much the same one day to the next..
i have a few friends who have told me after spending so much time, money and tears getting to the point of actually having the wedding, that after all the dust settles, they found that their relationship was changed by the process.. mostly for the worse..
especially once you consider the massive financial burden it puts on a young couple, which lingers long after the honeymoon.weddings are nice, and part of me regrets not having one.. but at the same time given our backgrounds being from different countries, it didnt matter where we got married, one or other family would have missed out.. in the end, everyone missing out equally was the fairest solution.
but yep, the thing i love the most about the way we did it was the continuity from one day to the next.. it didnt feel like we ran a marathon or climbed a mountain.. we just went on a small holiday to denmark, signed some paper in front of some strangers, and went back to our normal lives that we had been living the past 7 years.
marriage is awesome.. weddings are overrated.
- iCanHazQBN0
"marriage is awesome"
Why? Isn't the fact that you're together and experiencing each other on a daily basis the point of being in that relationship? Why does putting a legal "lock" into it make being with that person so much better? It actually sounds sick to me.
It's like: "My love for you and our relationship would be so much better if the government was involved and you signed this contract".
Marriage is from religious roots that's been dragged into the government. What does that have to do with your love for someone? Isn't love an organic thing? A feeling inside when you see that person and spend time with them? If it grows, great, and if it fades, then that's natural too. To hold up a contract and say "You can't leave because the government recognizes us as one" is stupid.
You're just following the script of life that society is writing for you. Trying to incessantly achieve these goals ($, marriage, kids), and not really knowing why, and not taking into account what's really best for you while trying to please you parents or catch up with your newlywed friends with newborns.
Think about it. If marriage hasn't been invented yet, would you go up to your lover and make them sign some sort of contract/certificate promising to be with each other forever? It's childish and dishonest. You're going against biology. Humans were never meant to be with just one person forever. That's why people cheat and over half of marriages end up in divorce.
- People cheat because they marry the wrong person.********
- How many times have I heard people make this phoney speech, then get married a year later, I guess you just grow upgeorgesIII
- "You just grow up", or you just give in to the bullshit?iCanHazQBN
- LOL black and white.. people cheat for a number of reasons. usually because they are cheatersautoflavour
- but neglect, anger, loneliness, regret, chemical imbalances, circumstance.. there is no one answer..autoflavour
- marriages end in divorce because the people getting married shouldnt have in the first placeautoflavour
- people cheat because they are cuntscruddlebub
- People cheat because they marry the wrong person.
- autoflavour0
whatever Icanhaz.. Marriage for some people might not work.. for me it works.. and works well. apart from anything else, it means we can be together, given we are from different countries.. so on a practical level its good.
but your whole argument about buying in to social norms etc is just played out .. if you want to get married, do it.. if not, dont.. there is no gun to your head.
but just because whatever your situation is isnt work/didnt work.. your pissing over mine doesnt do anything.
as for following the script, what script? the script that says eloping at the age of 35 and barely having enough money to pay rent .. yep thats a real fucking life goal there .. we did what we did and do what we do because it works for us. not for anyone else.. like i said, we were together for 7 years before we got married, and it to be honest it was kind of a spur of the moment thing.. it wasnt like i had been planning to ask her for months or anything.. i just did one day..
marriage IS awesome. there is a lot of stuff that is hard, and a lot of days where its not so awesome.. but in my instance, at this time, its working pretty well.. this year we will have been married 7 years.. making a total of 14 years together..
as for religion.. pfft.. yep, lol.. whatever. both atheists.. or at best she is agnostic.
- i think if someone needs marriage to validate their love, it isn't really love.iCanHazQBN
- I think what you mean by "marriage is awesome" is "i love being with my partner".iCanHazQBN
- as unit says below, marriage is just legal status.iCanHazQBN
- love grows and fades organically and has nothing to do with a file in a government office.iCanHazQBN
- the whole different country / visa thing is a different issue. if you want to be w/ someone you love and they'r in a different country, then marriage makes obvious sense.iCanHazQBN
- And you're both atheists who gave in to the religious act of marriage. What do religious acts have to do with your godless belief system?..iCanHazQBN
- .. that's what I mean by following the script. If you're an atheist, marriage shouldn't even pertain to you.iCanHazQBN
- LOL whatever.. Marriage is what is it is.. the fact you dont believe in it is none of my concern.. doesnt mean i love my wife any lessautoflavour
- Marriage is an 8 letter word.********
- ukit20
One thing I never understood though is why people always say things like "marriage is great" or "marriage is a lot of work." Isn't it really being in a long term relationship that is work, marriage is just a legal status given to you by the government.
- it is. but i think that next step making it legal is a huge leap for most.lvl_13
- its a huge leap because of all the pressure from family and friends and knowing that if you get a divorce you'll be dealing with a huge mess..iCanHazQBN
- ..if you have lots of monetary assets and kids.iCanHazQBN
- BusterBoy0
My wife hates me...
- Come on, man. She doesn't hate you. Probably resents you though.iCanHazQBN
- No...pretty sure 'hate' is a better word.BusterBoy
- damn, sorry if that's true.iCanHazQBN
- No that's OK. I can live with it...BusterBoy
- was it always like this this? what you think happened?yurimon
- can you adjust your behavior a little and tell her you appreciate her more? she may start to actually like you a bit.capn_ron
- true, takes two to tango.yurimon
- mekk0
What could possibly be more romantic than a binding contract?
- A well lubricated fist up your anus.********
- A binding contract 3 some getting a fictional entity called the state to join in..thats whutyurimon
- mmmmh fist up my bum. brb bitches.mekk
- LOL @orzalcruddlebub
- A well lubricated fist up your anus.
- EightyDeuce0
I got divorced two years ago and I've never been happier.
- Redmond0
If either partner wants to change the other, than it's not worth it. imo
- OSFA0
100SFA!!!!!!
