Marriage.
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- sea_sea0
you both need a vacation without your kids. even if it's a night away. do something wild fun romantic, you get the picture.
something that reminds you why you both fell in love in the first place.if that don't work. get a lawyer.
- JoeGrizzly0
I guess we'll be having the BIG talk soon. I mean I've tried to talk to her about things two or three times today but its just like a brink wall. It's like i'm talking to her father. I'm willing to admit i'm wrong in some of the things I do but she just isn't. Her father dealt with so much with her mother. Bit his tonge so much. Biggest thing about her mom was she never apologized for anything. stubborn full of pride.
I just don't know If I'm that guy who willing to get walked all over his whole life. Maybe because her father wasn't the best of looking guys or he didn't have a lot of pride that was fine but I'm just not prepared for the kind of life. I don't want my kids to see that and realize that's how a long lasting marriage works.
- IMO better to stick it out than to teach your kids that if it gets to hard get divorced. If it is not physical abuse better for your kids that you stay married.imnotaplumber
- kids that you stay married.imnotaplumber
- or you teach the kids to not get married and make the same mistakescarabin
- love doesn't need a contractscarabin
- Marriage is a sacrifice, you give up your life for them but ideally it should be a 2 way thing.imnotaplumber
- why would you start a relationship with a sacrifice, honestly that sounds absurdscarabin
- @scarabin Having kids is a sacrifice too. You give up your free time, money ... because you love your kids.imnotaplumber
- scarabin, just let it be dude. we all know you don't believe in marriage. just let it be.lvl_13
- ...and reading down a bit further, you can call me an ass. you get it. i'm sorry.lvl_13
- Getting married and not getting married are pretty much the same thing. Whatever people prefer, let them do it. No one is "right" about this.Jaline
- JoeGrizzly0
PS. Sea_Sea the worst about about most of this is she is leaving to go to Nashville for a month in a week to get her grooming license and who knows what will happen.
- dbloc0
Only you know what's really going on...If it's over it's over..if it can be repaired, do your best. Whatever you do, you have three kids...keep them out of as much of it as you can.
- scarabin0
how old are the kids?
- sea_sea0
"I don't want my kids to see that and realize that's how a long lasting marriage works."
exactly! good for you. and trust me your kids will thank YOU for it. maybe not now. but in the long run if you allow them to be in an abusive relationship that is what they will learn.did you guys even try counseling? maybe bring that up if you can actually get through the brick wall. and let me get this straight she's going away without the kids? are you keeping the kids if there is a divorce? (nothing worse than a dead beat mom or dad).
maybe this month away will serve you both to figure out what it is that you really want. oh and by the way, you deserve love to.
- dnoobie0
What time zone you in? (if it's late, go to bed), things always look better in the morning.
Also, i think the new "model" of marriage is; you do it once, make mistakes and learn, do it again with new knowledge (second step may go up to 5 or 6.....)
- that's the model of relationships. why is marriage necessaryscarabin
- pops0
Can you try and see a marriage councilor ? Or someone you who you know who is neutral to the situation and you both trust.
- I have 1 friend, my brother-in-law. Not really neutral.JoeGrizzly
- great minds think alike.********
- needs to be someone you're both comfortable with.pops
- ********0
Have you thought about relationship counseling? Before I got married we went to couples mediation and it was a real eye opener. All these tiny differences of opinion we had never discussed came out. It was helpful having someone objective there to direct the conversation. Its worth trying everything before walking away.
- CyBrainX0
Definitely try to see a counselor before making big decisions.
If it's over DO NOT get a lawyer. I'm just about done with my divorce and we never went to court. You can get a divorce mediator and settle your financials that way. I probably saved tens of thousands of dollars. Are you near NY? I can recommend a good one.
- scarabin0
if i were you i'd just get out. both of you know it's over so there's no sense in dragging it out. you could stay together "for the kids", but you may just grow to resent them for forcing you to remain in a life that's not right for you, and growing up with parents that hate each other seems far worse than making the change while they're young and won't remember.
- That's not true for everyone though.pops
- nothing is true for everyonescarabin
- children always rememberJG_LB
- which is why i used the words "may" and "seems like"scarabin
- it's going to effect them a hell of a lot less than it would a 15 year oldscarabin
- my parents split when i was 4 and i have no meaningful recollection of itscarabin
- scarabin0
i don't think a counselor is going to help something so deeply-rooted. she seems to get her stubborn ways from her father (naturally) and i really don't see any amount of work this late in life changing that, especially when she already won't admit to being part of the problem.
- ukit0
Just a thought, but have you considered changing your situation of her working and you being a stay at home Dad? I don't know your personal situation like you do obviously, but a lot of times its the situation/ dynamic that creates relationship problems rather than some innate incompatibility between the two people.
- and this can be hard to see sometimes when you are in the middle of itukit
- monkeyshine0
Don't give up! I'd pull out that Kate Bush song but seriously...relationships are hard #$@!ing work...you have children together - if she's not being the adult, you do it and drag your asses to counseling...for each other and for your kids. Ya'll are so young and you both are still growing, changing, etc...ebb and flow. If you give it a chance, you never know what might happen. If you go into counseling and ultimately decide that splitting is best, then a therapist will help you both through the process so it's not so destructive to each other and your children.
- JoeGrizzly0
I have thought about that but to be honest as much as I would like to go back to work but if that means putting my kids in day care I can't do it. I grew up in day care with a single mom and I don't want my kids growing up like that.
- well, if you divorce that's what is going to happen anyway, no?monkeyshine
- So fucking true!JoeGrizzly
- ksv1230
I have 3 young children, at this time life is a sacrifice for the children, they run the schedule. Up at 5:45am, well so are you. Crying for an hour and you deal. It gets difficult to balance the marriage and have special moments with the wife, which we desperately need. We are finally getting away just the 2 of us the end of June, it has been 7 years since this has happened. You either manage and stick it out, or you fuck up your kids.
A divorce is a simple process when there are no kids involved. When there are kids involved, it is outright selfish. You guys made the decision to have 3 kids, you could have had just one, but you have 3, I am sure beautiful kids. The divorce will not only create more friction between you and your wife but will for sure effect your kids in ways that you cannot comprehend.
Really think about it. I over E, Intellectual thinking over Emotion. Give it a try.
- pops0
I would talk it through with someone you trust and love and maybe not on QBN. And try a marriage counselor before doing anything in the heat of the moment.
- Amicus0
From bitter experience I realise that your relationship must come before the kids. It teaches the kids two important things:
1. How to have a solid, loving relationship.
2. They aren't in charge of the family.Marriage with kids is a three way street (complicated, no?) and all three sides – mum, dad and the kids – have to sacrifice at times. If it is only the parents making sacrifices it is doomed to failure, either through divorce, or selfish screwed up kids and emotional wrecks for parents.
- bjladams0
hey man - my wife and i were married early too, 21- and we've got kids. we're just up the street in kville if you want to get together sometime. we could meet half way, you're welcome here - or, we could drive there... not to sound like the creepy guy from the internet- but we can be objective... we could bring the kids, meet at a park and let them all play together while you guys sit in the car and talk it out... again, you dont know us, but we're qbn neighbors...
feel free to email me if you want, the address on my profile is correct.
- ksv1230
When kids are young they do not have any understanding of sacrifice. Parents teach and guide for many years.