Joke?
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- tasty
tell me one.
- PolaroidMan0
so this guy walks in to this talent agents office...
- ninjasavant0
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her
nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack."Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
- SecretPenguin0
Know what I heard?
-sheep!
Know what I saw?
-wood!
- kinetic0
so this wont be funny here because i cant execute it like you can in real person
ask someone
"hey, did you hear about that celebrity that killed her husband today??"
intrigued your victim will say "nooo waaaay WHO???"
to which you reply
"reese something......."
to which they question
"witherspoon???"
to which you reply
"no... witherknife"
trustme....it's funny shit to let that one loose on someone
- dirtydesign0
You here the one about the industrious prostitute?
She had a vagina surgerically implanted on her hip, so she could make some money on the side.
- kinetic0
did you hear about the blind prostitute?
you really gotta hand it to her
- blaw0
where can you find a legless turtle?
right where you left it.
- mg330
(This was posted by someone in the PVN a while back, so credit to whoever)
(Requires knowledge of "labiectomy" - when a woman has surgery to her labia for cosmetic purposes.)
A woman goes to her doctor and says "I really want to have my labia size reduced, they're just too big and I think men are grossed out by it. I'm sick of being single and need it to look a little more normal. But I need this to stay confidential! No one can know I had this surgery."
Doctor says "Sure, everything confidential here, it's just between you and I."
The woman goes to the hospital for her surgery, and afterwards wakes up in the recovery room to see three vases of flowers on the table next to her bed. She freaks out, wondering how anyone knew about this if it was so confidential.
The doctor walks in and she is livid. She immediatly yells "What's with these flowers? I thought this was just between you and I!"
The doctor says, "Now, now, I can explain. The first bouquet of flowers is from me, I do this for all my patients."
"And the second vase?!" she says?
"That's from the hospital, they do this for everyone in recovery. They have no idea what you're here for, it's no problem."
"Well than what about the third one!" she screams.
The doctor hesitates, then says "Oh. Thoser are from a boy in the burn unit. He loves his new ears."
- mg330
Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
Because they have no attachments.
- mg330
How do you get a Liberal Arts major off of the porch?
You pay for the pizza.
- nocomply0
A skeleton walks into a bar and order a beer and a mop.
..ba boom ching!
- mg330
how do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
it's not hard.
- flavorful0
so this guy walks in to this talent agents office...
PolaroidMan
(Sep 18 06, 11:42)hahahahha!!!
Now that's a +1 in my book!
- blaw0
a man with three eyes, no arms and one leg is hitchhiking.
a brit spots him, pulls over and says, "aye, aye, aye... you look 'armless. hop in."
- Teeuwen0
(for the ladies who love to call in sick)
------A woman visits Dr. Chopra with a migraine. He asks her to strip and do a handstand, which she does. He then rests his chin between her legs and stares in the mirror. "What are you doing?" asks the woman. "Well, your migraine is a classic example of someone trying to escape a situation they cannot cope with. And I always wanted to see what I looked like with a goatee."
- Teeuwen0
along same lines
--A beautiful woman walks into Dr. Chopra's office, and tells him that she has been having persistent pain in the glands in her neck. Chopra tells her to take off her dress and then her undergarments. "But why should I do this doctor?" Chopra smiles and said, "Well, some people have nothing better to do than to get sick. So I thought I'd check out your tits."
- Teeuwen0
What's better - Alzheimer's or Parkinson's?
Parkinson's. Better to forget how much you drank than to spill the pint...
- Teeuwen0
What's blue and fucks old ladies?
Hypothermia.