Joke?
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- acescence0
I met this girl, she was an actress, and she gave me her number. It started with 555.
i don't get it..
Teeuwen
(Sep 18 06, 14:21)in the states, fake numbers on the telly begin with 555
- _niko0
Mitch hedbergh is one of the funniest comics ever, RIP, his delivery was so cool.
• One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger. "Here's a picture of me when I am older." "You son of a bitch, how'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera."
- Teeuwen0
THAT one is funny.
- mg330
I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs...
I won't even paste the rest of that.
- _niko0
mg33 come on tell me this isn't some funny shit
- mg330
thanks niko. I recognize him now. I guess it's all in the delivery.
Is he blind?
- mg330
Actually, the jokes are not that funny.
- Teeuwen0
What's hard, 6" long and fun to play with in the toilet?
A Nintendo Gameboy.
- Witt0
jokes? hmmm, let's not speak about my biography.
- Teeuwen0
A burglar was cruising through a posh suburb looking for an opportunity. At one house he saw a truck unloading a big screen television, stereo, and video outfit. That night, without a moon in the sky and a heavy fog, he drove up to the house. He rang the doorbell and when no one answered, broke the lock on the kitchen door and went in.
It was pitch black inside as he made his way through the kitchen, then the dining room and into the den where he expected to find the things he wanted to steal.
"Jesus is watching you." a voice said. The burglar froze in his tracks. "Jesus is watching you." the voice said again.
When nothing more happened, the burglar took out his flashlight and shined it in the direction of the voice. All he saw was a parrot on its perch.
"Jesus is watching you." Said the parrot again
The burglar laughed. "Hello there little fella," he said. "What's your name?"
"Bartholomew." The parrot replied.
"What kind of person would call a parrot Bartholomew?" The burglar muttered as he closed the drapes before turning on a lamp. He turned to check out the room and that's when he saw the great big, razor-toothed Rottweiler sitting under the parrot's perch, glaring at him.
"The same kind of person who'd call their dog 'Jesus'." the parrot said.
- Teeuwen0
The lord once said "John come forth and receive eternal life", he came fifth and won a toaster.
- Teeuwen0
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of mycoxafloppin. Also considered were: Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, Ibepokin.
- Witt0
ahahah Teeuwen, you must drive down here for a beer. or two. you must drive thru Brusels tho...
ok. no lols...
in case you haven't noticed, this was a EU joke... :]
i love the EU. seriously. i always vote YES on principle.
- Teeuwen0
in hindsight i slightly regret not voting yes. even though i had very valid arguments back then.
- marikeeler0
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a
super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
- brooke0
What's 12 inches long & white?
Nothing.
- grunttt0
How many boring people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
just one.
- Crouwel0
always wanted to know what nothing was all about. :)
- brooke0
How do you make a dead baby float?
One scoop of ice cream. One scoop of dead baby.
- grunttt0
Why don't Junior Leaguers participate in orgies?
too many thank you notes.