Joke?
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- Teeuwen0
in hindsight i slightly regret not voting yes. even though i had very valid arguments back then.
- marikeeler0
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a
super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
- Teeuwen0
(for the ladies who love to call in sick)
------A woman visits Dr. Chopra with a migraine. He asks her to strip and do a handstand, which she does. He then rests his chin between her legs and stares in the mirror. "What are you doing?" asks the woman. "Well, your migraine is a classic example of someone trying to escape a situation they cannot cope with. And I always wanted to see what I looked like with a goatee."
- Teeuwen0
along same lines
--A beautiful woman walks into Dr. Chopra's office, and tells him that she has been having persistent pain in the glands in her neck. Chopra tells her to take off her dress and then her undergarments. "But why should I do this doctor?" Chopra smiles and said, "Well, some people have nothing better to do than to get sick. So I thought I'd check out your tits."
- Teeuwen0
What's better - Alzheimer's or Parkinson's?
Parkinson's. Better to forget how much you drank than to spill the pint...
- Teeuwen0
What's blue and fucks old ladies?
Hypothermia.
- Teeuwen0
What's blue and fucks old ladies?
Me in my lucky blue coat.
- Teeuwen0
What's got 100 balls and fucks old ladies?
Bingo.
- Teeuwen0
How do you get a Granny to shout "Cunt!"?
Get another one to shout "Bingo".
- Teeuwen0
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
- mattyd040
A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a Boston courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Boston Red Sox, whom the boy firmly believes is not capable of beating anyone.
- Teeuwen0
What did the blind man say about the cheese grater?
He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
- Teeuwen0
What's got 4 legs and 1 arm?
A doberman in a kiddies playground
- Teeuwen0
How do you make a hormone?
Don't pay her.
- Teeuwen0
I went to the zoo.
There was only one dog there.It was a shitzu.
- Teeuwen0
Did you hear about the man with five penises?
His pants fit like a glove.
- Teeuwen0
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust.
- Teeuwen0
Had me first blow job today.
Fucking five whiskeys and I still can't get rid of the taste.
- Teeuwen0
If a girl is uncomfortable watching you wank, is it because:
A. She is a prude
B. You don't know her well enoughor
C.*drumroll
You should have sat somewhere else on the bus
*badabing!
- Teeuwen0
If you have a donkey and I have a rooster and your donkey eats the feet off my rooster, what do we have?
2 feet of my cock in your ass!