Joke?
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- Crouwel0
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...
- Witt0
During a visit to the Asylum, the Prime-Minister asks the director which are the criteria to assess if a person is mad or not.
'Well', says the director, 'We fill a large bath-tub with water and ask the patient to remove it from the tub. We also give him a tea spoon and a coffee mug."
The Prime-Minister says, 'Oh! I see, a sane man would choose the coffee cup, because it's bigger!"
'No...', the director sadly replies, 'A sane man would open the valve'.
- Bottlerocket0
How many designers does it take to change a light bulb?
"I am not changing anything!!!"
- JerseyRaindog0
What's the difference between a Mac user and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with terrorists.
- chossy0
that tarzan one was..........
amuzing.
- Concrete0
A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre -
so he gave her one.
- Crouwel0
hahahahaha
- indian_pole0
When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex? "Tarzan not know sex" he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said
"Oh,....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree." Horrified Jane said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground. "Here" she said, pointing to
her privates, "you must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her
in the crotch !Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed "What did you do that for ?" Tarzan
replied, "Tarzan always checks for squirrels."
- grunttt0
Why don't Junior Leaguers participate in orgies?
too many thank you notes.
- brooke0
How do you make a dead baby float?
One scoop of ice cream. One scoop of dead baby.
- Crouwel0
always wanted to know what nothing was all about. :)
- grunttt0
How many boring people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
just one.
- brooke0
What's 12 inches long & white?
Nothing.
- marikeeler0
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a
super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
- Teeuwen0
in hindsight i slightly regret not voting yes. even though i had very valid arguments back then.
- Witt0
ahahah Teeuwen, you must drive down here for a beer. or two. you must drive thru Brusels tho...
ok. no lols...
in case you haven't noticed, this was a EU joke... :]
i love the EU. seriously. i always vote YES on principle.
- Teeuwen0
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of mycoxafloppin. Also considered were: Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, Ibepokin.
- Teeuwen0
The lord once said "John come forth and receive eternal life", he came fifth and won a toaster.
- Teeuwen0
A burglar was cruising through a posh suburb looking for an opportunity. At one house he saw a truck unloading a big screen television, stereo, and video outfit. That night, without a moon in the sky and a heavy fog, he drove up to the house. He rang the doorbell and when no one answered, broke the lock on the kitchen door and went in.
It was pitch black inside as he made his way through the kitchen, then the dining room and into the den where he expected to find the things he wanted to steal.
"Jesus is watching you." a voice said. The burglar froze in his tracks. "Jesus is watching you." the voice said again.
When nothing more happened, the burglar took out his flashlight and shined it in the direction of the voice. All he saw was a parrot on its perch.
"Jesus is watching you." Said the parrot again
The burglar laughed. "Hello there little fella," he said. "What's your name?"
"Bartholomew." The parrot replied.
"What kind of person would call a parrot Bartholomew?" The burglar muttered as he closed the drapes before turning on a lamp. He turned to check out the room and that's when he saw the great big, razor-toothed Rottweiler sitting under the parrot's perch, glaring at him.
"The same kind of person who'd call their dog 'Jesus'." the parrot said.
- Witt0
jokes? hmmm, let's not speak about my biography.