Quality jokes
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- DavidFelt0
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her as an altar boy
- ********0
now delete this thread.
- ********0
How do you make a dead dog float?
Half dead dog. Half Ice Cream.
- DavidFelt0
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose???
Full!
- KuzII0
A Pakistani man goes home to his wife with a trophy in his hand, and his wife says – “where’d ya get that trophy?” the Pakistani man says, “well I won it. I was coming home and nipped into the pub, and they were having a big penis competitions.” And his wife gizzit, “oh, you didn’t pull out your cock did you? In front of everyone?” and the Pakistani man goes, “no, course not... well, only enough to win!” haha, do you get it? Cos it’s true what they say about Pakistani men.
- tank020
this whole racist joke thinh reminds me of the office...
that epsiode where brent is telling the black man's cock joke and the clack dude suddenly shows up...
you know all my black friends find these jokes really funny. and they make same jokes about us, or the asian...
don't take it that serious.
- paraselene0
so sister anne is in the tub at the convent, cleanliness being next to godliness, when she hears a knock at the bathroom door.
who is it?, she asks.
it's the blind man, answers the voice from the other side of the door.
hmmmm... she thinks to herself. i suppose it can't do any harm. i mean, he is blind, after all. and there's only the one bathroom.
she hesitates a moment and then says, come in!
a man with a tool belt walks into the room, looks at sister anne and says,
nice tits, love. where d'ya want the blinds?
- KuzII0
yes but in that situation tank you were meant to laugh at the stupidity of brent to get himself in embarassing situations, not the jokes he was telling!
- 5timuli0
What's black and white and can't turn round in lifts?
A nun with a spear through her neck.
- ********0
What's blue and fucks grannies?
Me in my lucky blue suit.
- DavidFelt0
A guy is in his local pub one night, absolutely pished, and when he stands he finds himself flat on the floor, like his legs wont work. Thinking that fresh air will sober him up, he drags himself out of the pub onto the street and tries to stand again, same result, bang, back down to the floor.
Anyway he thinks, i dont live that far, ill crawl home, maybe the journey will sober me up, so he crawls home and summons all his strength to try and climb the stairs, but no luck, so he drags his sorry arse up the stairs and into bed, where his wife is (luckily), fast asleep.
The morning comes and his wife says 'you went to the pub last night and got smashed again didnt you'?
'yes' he admits 'but how did you know?'
his wife replies 'the landlord rang this morning, said youd forgot your wheelchair again!'
SORRY
- neenaw0
haha. hadn't heard that in a while. Great joke David.
- DavidFelt0
A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"
Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.
The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."
To which the mother replied, "April fool!"
- DavidFelt0
The salesman stopped at a farmhouse one evening to ask for room and board for the night. The farmer told him there was no vacant room.
"I could let you sleep with my daughter," the farmer said, "if you promise not to bother her."
The salesman agreed. After a hearty supper, he was led to the room. He undressed in the dark, slipped into bed, and felt the farmer's daughter at his side.
The next morning he asked for his bill.
"It'll be just two dollars, since you had to share the bed," the farmer said.
"Your daughter was very cold," the salesman said.
"Yes, I know," said the farmer. "We're going to bury her today."
- uncle_helv0
Two guys are walking down the street and they see a dog licking his balls.
One guy says to the other, "Don't you wish you could do that?"
The other guy says, "That dog would bite you"
- DavidFelt0
There's a young couple in the cinema. The girl says, "I must have a piss, can I squeeze past you?"
"Why don't you squat down on the floor and do it" says the boyfriend. "You'll have to disturb all these people, besides its dark, no one will see you."
"OK" she says. She pulls her drawers down and squats on the floor. The bloke starts feeling horny at the thought of her down there, so he reaches down and makes a grab.
He feels something long and hard and says, "Urgh! Have you changed your sex?"
"No" she says "I've changed my mind... I'm having a shit instead."
- ********0
Superman was flying around metropolis, he was thinking that he needed a fuck and lois lane just wasn't doing it for him anymore, so he decided to find someone who could give him what he needed
He flew to gotham city and asked Batman who he thought the best fuck in the universe was...and he replied Wonder Woman!! definately no doubt!
Superman decided to get a second opinion so he went to ask Spiderman and he said the same...
"jeez" thought superman 'didn't realise that wonder woman got around so much"
So Superman flew off to see if he could find Wonder Woman...he saw her lying in a field..naked with her legs wide open...Superman decided that he could swoop down at the speed of sound and be in and out before she noticed anything..
So he gets the speed up and flies down...in,out,in,out and flew away again...quick as a flash....
Wonder Woman sat up and said what the hell was that??!
The Invisible Man replies...
i haven't got a clue but my ass is killing me!
- DavidFelt0
A guy stops to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. His friend says, "My feet are cold. Would you get me my sneakers for me?"
The guy goes upstairs, and there are his friend's two gorgeous daughters.
He says, "Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to fuck you."
The first daughter says, "That's not true."
He says, "I'll prove it."
He yells down the stairs, "Both of them?"
His friend yells back, "Of course, both of them."
- poomoo0
hahah! the superman joke is a total classic
- ********0
That superman gag tends to divide people I find...you love it or you hate it