Quality jokes
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- valentim0
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten"
As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod appears and says, "Your wish is granted" and lo and behold Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time went on and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his Sad plight.
While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and can't believe his luck. Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begs the cod to change him back, so lo and behold, he is turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal.
"Where's Christian?" he asked?"He's at home distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain the torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked."
Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed...
////////////////////////////////...
..."I've found Cod, I'm a prawn again Christian."
- uncle_helv0
A South African gold miner lost his leg in an accident. Choking back the tears later he cried,
"It's over! who's gonna want a one legged gold digger?" Then his phone rang. "It's Paul McCartney."
- haile_unlikely0
What's the biggest draw back in the jungle?
An elephant's foreskin!
- kev_charlton0
There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.
The little girl says "Mommy what are they doing?"
The mother hesitates then quickly replies "Ummm..... they are making cakes."
The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having s*x.
Again she asks her mother "What are they doing?" And her mother replies with the same response, "They are making cakes."
The next day the girl says to her mother "Mommy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the living room last night, eh?"
Shocked, the Mother says, "How do you know?"
( Wait for it.............)
She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."
- ********0
That duck joke is a classic. But to tell it right you have to go on for ages and then sneak the punchline in at the end when your victim is getting as annoyed as the bartender.
Got any bread?
No.
Got any bread?
No fuck off
Got any bread?
No we don't have any fucking bread
Got any bread?
Look duck you are really pissing me off.
Got any bread?
>>>>10 more minutes of this>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Punchline.
skt
(May 11 06, 03:41)true skt.
we have a joke like that here, one for the pub, i heard one that lasted for 30 minutes!
altho its different and has more variation.
and then the punchline is the lamest ever.
the joke's always on the one who tells it!
- ********0
lol kev!
- ********0
http://www.guardian.co.uk/german…
Tabea Rudolph, 26, StuttgartThere are problems in the woods. The animals of the forest are always drunk, so the fox decides to ban alcohol. The following day, the fox spies a rabbit hanging out of a tree, clearly wasted. The fox ticks him off, and carries on his way. But the next day he sees the rabbit drunk again, and gives him a final warning. The next day, the fox does his rounds and there's no sign of the rabbit, but he notices a straw sticking out of a stream. Wondering what it is, the fox scoops it out, only to find a very drunk rabbit on the other end of it. "How many times do I have to tell you that animals of the forest aren't allowed alcohol?" says the Fox. "We fishes don't give a toss what the animals of the forest aren't allowed to do," says the rabbit
- uncle_helv0
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection.
His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of "Here I come again. ONE,TWO,THREE UUH!" all Nightlong.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection." The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get on the bed."
- uncle_helv0
A man had great tickets for the World Cup Final. As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the empty seat next to him.
"No," he says. "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible!" says the other man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting event, and not use it?"
"Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married."
"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?"The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."
- rafalski0
a rabbit walks through the forest and sees a bear mum doing laundry in the mountain brook. He looks around, and without second thought hops on her back. She doesn't seem to notice being fucked from behind, continues her laundry. A minute in she says: "rabbit?".
"Uh huh.." he answers panting. "Are you at least healthy?"
"uh-huh" pants rabbit, still going on.
"do you have papers for that?" she asks
"uh-huh"..
"Well, you can tear them up now, rabbit"
- elahon0
What't the difference between a geneologist and a gynacologist?
A geneologist looks up the family tree. A Gynacologst looks up the family bush.
- nicko0
Two Indians were taken to hospital last night after they snorted chilli powder.
One's got a dodgy tikka and the other's in a korma
- elahon0
What's the worst part about eating bald pussy?
Sorry in advance.
Putting the diaper back on.