Quality jokes
- Started
- Last post
- 133 Responses
- todelete__20
(((((((RING))))))
"Hello?"
"Hi honey, this is Daddy, is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul"
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"
"Uh, okay then, ... this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down
on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to
Mommy
that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway""Okay Daddy, just a minute"
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy"
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and
ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on
the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!""OH, NO. What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared
and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I
guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean
it, he hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??... Is this 486-5731??
- poomoo0
the 'jokes' were defamatory, degrading and therefore racist, not to mention, totally unfunny.
- KuzII0
because you identify with the assertion that black people are inherently criminal and are amused by the witticism that reinforces your prejudices, as you nod in agreement that any two black people standing in a line is organised crime.
- Crouwel0
A duck walks into a bar. The bartender is a bit surprised as the duck hops onto the bar and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender says, "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't." Dejected, the duck hops off the bar and waddles out. The next night, the very same duck walks into the bar. He hops onto the bar and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender shouts, "Look, Duck, I told you last night that we don't have any grapes! Now get out of here, and if you come back tomorrow night and ask for grapes, I'll nail your beak to the bar with a hammer!" Terrified, the duck scampers out of the bar. The next night, the bartender warily eyes the door as the duck walks into the bar. The duck carefully climbs onto the bar and asks, "Do you have a hammer?" The bartender shouts, "No! Of course I don't have a hammer!" So the duck asks, "Do you have any grapes?"
- Ramanisky20
Saul is working in his store when he hears GODs voice from above: "Saul, sell your business." He ignores it. It goes on for days. "Saul, sell your business for $3 million." After weeks of this, he relents, sells his store. GOD says ‘Saul, go to Las Vegas." He asks why. "Saul, take the $3 million to Las Vegas." He obeys, goes to a casino. GOD says, "Saul , go to the blackjack table and put it down all on one hand." He hesitates but knows he must. He’s dealt an 18. The dealer has a six showing. "Saul, take a card." What? The dealer has -- "Take a card!" He tells the dealer to hit him. Saul gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. "Saul, take another card." What? "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!" He asks for another card. It’s another ace. He has twenty. "Saul, take another card," GOD commands. I have twenty! Saul shouts. "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!!" says GOD. Hit me,Saul says. He gets another ace. Twenty one.
GOD goes: "un-fucking-believable!"
- HelloWorld0
u can laugh at racist jokes and not be racist u cant explain why something makes u laugh...it just does...
- Ramanisky20
what do you call a Jewish womans breasts
JEWBS!!!
thank you Cartman
- nicko0
Two Indians were taken to hospital last night after they snorted chilli powder.
One's got a dodgy tikka and the other's in a korma
- KuzII0
you mean like that joke - how do you drown a nigger? burst his lips! cos they have big thick rubber lips, most of em, and you can imagine em bleeding forever until they drown. thats just not funny, its simply racist as it grossly charicaturises people of black descent.
- rafalski0
a rabbit walks through the forest and sees a bear mum doing laundry in the mountain brook. He looks around, and without second thought hops on her back. She doesn't seem to notice being fucked from behind, continues her laundry. A minute in she says: "rabbit?".
"Uh huh.." he answers panting. "Are you at least healthy?"
"uh-huh" pants rabbit, still going on.
"do you have papers for that?" she asks
"uh-huh"..
"Well, you can tear them up now, rabbit"
- poomoo0
if you want to take part in the degradation of a race then i suppose thats up to you.
- elahon0
What's the worst part about eating bald pussy?
Sorry in advance.
Putting the diaper back on.
- uncle_helv0
Q: How many designers does it take to change a lightbuld...
A: 10, 1 to change it and 9 to say how they could have done it betterQ: How many designers does it take to change a lightbuld...
A: What? change it, fuck off!!Q: How many designers does it take to change a lightbuld...
A: Does it have to be a lightbulb
- JazX0
How do you double the value of a Triumph vehicle?
Fill it up with gas!
- SecretPenguin0
You wanna know what I saw?
-Wood!
-----
You wanna know what I heard?
-Sheep!
-----
You hear about those corduroy pillows?
-They sure are making headlines!
- skt0
To black men in a sleeping bag... a twix?
Fuck off.
Are you 10?
- haile_unlikely0
What's the biggest draw back in the jungle?
An elephant's foreskin!
- xenicon0
http://www.guardian.co.uk/german…
Tabea Rudolph, 26, StuttgartThere are problems in the woods. The animals of the forest are always drunk, so the fox decides to ban alcohol. The following day, the fox spies a rabbit hanging out of a tree, clearly wasted. The fox ticks him off, and carries on his way. But the next day he sees the rabbit drunk again, and gives him a final warning. The next day, the fox does his rounds and there's no sign of the rabbit, but he notices a straw sticking out of a stream. Wondering what it is, the fox scoops it out, only to find a very drunk rabbit on the other end of it. "How many times do I have to tell you that animals of the forest aren't allowed alcohol?" says the Fox. "We fishes don't give a toss what the animals of the forest aren't allowed to do," says the rabbit
- kev_charlton0
There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.
The little girl says "Mommy what are they doing?"
The mother hesitates then quickly replies "Ummm..... they are making cakes."
The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having s*x.
Again she asks her mother "What are they doing?" And her mother replies with the same response, "They are making cakes."
The next day the girl says to her mother "Mommy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the living room last night, eh?"
Shocked, the Mother says, "How do you know?"
( Wait for it.............)
She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."
- Ramanisky20
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."