tell me jokes..
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- mattyd0
a guy walks into his house with a sheep under his arm.
his wife looks at him and says, 'what the hell is that?'
the man says, 'well, this is what i sleep with when youre not around.'
the woman says, 'excuse me???'
the mand responds, 'who the fuck was talking to you?'
- ********0
Why isn't NT like a zoological?
there's no rational animals... ohoh... sorry :]
- blaw0
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
Doc says, "It's Not Unusual."
- smalls0
Larry wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to
open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and
a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing
in front of him, all clean and pressed. Larry looks around the room and
sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean. So's the rest of
the house.He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table
"honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. I Love
you."So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast
and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table,
eating. Larry asks,"Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and
delirious. Broke some furniture, got sick in the hallway, and gave
yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Larry asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean,
and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when
she tried to take your pants off you said,
"Lady leave me alone, I'm married'!"
- ********0
my dad was always drinking. he saw an ad that said "drink Canady Dry". So he went there
- Gorbie0
knock knock..
- vb_0
One day, Little Suzy goes swimming in the lake with her grandmother. After they get out they go to shower.
"Grandma" Little Suzy asks, pointing between her grandmother's legs. "What's that?"
"Oh," her grandmother replies. "That's my beaver, dear."The next day Little Suzy goes swimming with her mother, and they go showering afterwards too. "Mommy, is that your beaver?" asks the girl.
"Er, yes it is, Suzy. Where did you learn that?" her mother answers.
"From Grandma. But I think hers is dead because its tongue was sticking out."
- timg0
hey, did you hear about that scary new pirate movie.. ?
yeah, its rated a-R-ghhh!
- vb_0
who's there?
- Gorbie0
Lesk.
- vb_0
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies, and a Ferarri?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
- vb_0
Lesk who?
- vb_0
What's the difference between an onion and a dead hobo?
I cried when I cut up the onion.
- vb_0
omfg!
- vb_0
How does an Arkansas mother know her daughter is having her period.
Her son's weenie tastes funny.
*fetches coat
- vb_0
What has two legs and bleeds?
Half a dog.
- vb_0
A man calls into work and tells the boss he can't come in because he's sick.
"How sick are you?" asks the boss."Well, I'm currently screwing my daughter."
- vb_0
What's green and eats nuts?
Syphilis
- kbags0
what's green and smells like miss piggy?
kermit's finger
