tell me jokes..
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- ********0
There were three prostitutes living together, a mother, daughter and grandmother. One night the daughter came home looking very down. "How did you get on tonight Dear?" asked her mother. "Not too good," replied the daughter. "I only got $20 for a blow job." "Wow!" said the mother, "In my day we gave a blow job for 50 cents!" "Good God!" said the Grandmother. "In my day we were just glad to get something warm in our stomachs!"
- ********0
A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman's apartment. "I can't imagine what it will be like making love to a midget," said the woman, "especially with the size difference and all." "Just take off your cloths, lie back on the bed, spread your legs apart and close your eyes," said the midget. The woman did as she was told and soon she felt the biggest thing she'd ever experienced inside her. Within a few minutes the woman had climaxed eight times. "If you think that was good," said the midget with a smirk, "Just wait till I get BOTH legs in there!"
- ********0
A man and a woman had been married some time when the woman began to question her husband. "I know you've been with a lot of woman before. How many were there?" The husband replied, "Look, I don't want to upset you, there were many. Let's just leave it alone." The wife continued to beg and plead. Finally, the husband gave in. "Let's see." he said "There was one, two, three, four, five, six, you, eight, nine..."
- ********0
"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley." "So?" the friend replied. "So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!"
- jox0
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four hour surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely......
"A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"
- jox0
A young man goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist:
Hello, could you give me condom. My girlfriend has invited me
for dinner and I think she is expecting something from me!
The pharmacist gives him the condom; and as the young man is
going out, he returns and tells him: "Give me another condom because my
girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a
provocative manner when she sees me and I think she expects something from
me too.."
The pharmacist gives him a second condom; and as the boy is
leaving he turns back and says :"After all, give me one more condom
because my girlfriend's mom is still pretty cute and when she sees me she
always makes allusions... and since she invited me for dinner, I think she
is expecting something from me!!
During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on
his left, the sister on his right and the mom facing him. When the dad
gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying: "Dear Lord, bless this
dinner... thank you for all you give us...!!!" A minute later the boy is
still praying: "Thank you Lord for your kindness..."
ten minutes go on and the boy is still praying, keeping his
head down.
The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend even
more than the others. She gets close to the boy and tells him in his ear: "I
didn't know you were so religious!!!"The boy replies :"I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!!!"
- jox0
Teacher asks Johnny
"Johnny why is your cat with you at school today?"Johnny replies(crying):
"because i heard the milkman tell mom...When your kids go to school, im gonna eat your pussy..."
- ********0
more!
- twoismtwoism0
i was on top of this hill with this hot bizzatch anyway long story short she pulls out my 3 beans makes my beanstock grow 20 minutes alter im all like fee fi fo fum im gonna cum splat splat splat all over her face good times good times, in the end i was all like hey baby make sure you get it all i dont want no jizz stains on my boxer shorts ...
- VIVA0
What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
Answer: A 1995 hide-n-go seek championship winner.
- noop0
What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
Answer: A 1995 hide-n-go seek championship winner.
VIVA
(Jun 10 06, 22:29)SKELETONS AINT GOT NO HAIR FOOL