tell me jokes..
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- danthon0
A cabby picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why is he staring.
He replies, "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend
you."
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a Nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive"!
Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a Nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single; and I'm Catholic too!" OK" the Nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
He does and the Nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?"
Forgive me Sister, but I have sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's, OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."
- danthon0
what do inbreds do on halloween?
pump-kin
- nicko0
Doctor to George Best: George, I'm afraid I've got
some good news and some bad news for you.George Best: OK Doc, but gimme the bad news first.
Doctor: I'm sorry to tell you that you only have an
hour to live... but the good news, it's Happy Hour!
- brooke0
Three women were sitting in a sauna - two very sophisticated business women, and a hillbilly.
The three sat quietly, relaxing in the mist, when suddenly there was a beeping sound.
The first woman pressed on a small lump in her forearm, and the beeping stopped. The hillbilly lady was obviously puzzled & asked what the noise was.
"That was my pager," the woman replied. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second woman lifted her palm to her ear & began to speak into it. When she finished, she explained, "That was my cell phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The hillbilly lady felt decidedly low-tech. And not to be outdone, she knew she had to do something just as impressive.
So she stepped out of the sauna and went into the bathroom. She returned moments later with a piece of toilet paper hanging from the crack of her ass.
The two business women were startled & looked at her with raised brows.
The hillbilly woman turns to the two and says, "Well, wouldja look at that! I'm gettin' a fax."
- gruntt0
LOL brooke
- Ramanisky20
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
- Ramanisky20
A guy comes home from work, walks into his bedroom, and finds a stranger fucking his wife. He says, "What the hell are you two doing?" His wife turns to the stranger and says, "I told you he was stupid."
- ********0
hahaha!
- MLP0
what did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
he wiped his ass.
- Ramanisky20
wiped his ass
hahahahaaaaa
LOLOLOLOL
- nicko0
Hear about the lepers playing cards?
One threw his hand in, the other laughed his head off
- danthon0
I picked up a magic 8ball the other day and it said to me "Outlook not good"
I said everyone knows that, but M$oft still ships it.
- cmann0
how do you shut up a blonde girl?
ask her: "what are you thinkin'?
- nicko0
What do you call a naked bull fighter?
Señor Cojones
- ********0
A woman, pregnant with triplets, was walking down the street when a masked robber runs out of a bank and shoots her three times in the abdomen.
Luckily, the babies were okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate. She gives birth to two healthy daughters and a son.
They were fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears.
"What's wrong?" asks the mother.
"I was urinating and this bullet came out," replied the daughter.
The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom, I was urinating and this bullet came out."
Again the mother tells her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
A week later, her son walked into the room in tears.
"It's okay," says the mother, "I know what happened...you were urinating, and a bullet came out."
"No," says the boy, "I was masturbating and I shot the dog!"
- nicko0
lol @ royboy
- bliznutty0
what's the difference between a prostitute with diarhea and an epileptic oyster shucker?
One shucks between fits.
- nicko0
This is the best popbitch has to offer this week:
Doctor says to patient: "I have some bad news about
the bird flu you have caught."Patient: "Oh, not. What is it doc?"
Doc says: "It's unTweetable."
- mg330
A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde waves at him and says hello.
He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from, so he says, "Do you know me?" to which she replies "I think you're the father of one of my kids".Now he thinks back to the
only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My goodness, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my ass with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my butt?"She says, "No, I'm your sons math teacher."
- foreign0
So this older lady goes into a plastic surgeon. She wants to get a labiaectomy, which is basically a trimming up of flappy vagina lips (real procedure). She asks the doctor to keep it real low key, she doesn't want anyone to know about it. Doc says "Of course ma'am, doctor patient confidentiality forbids me from talking" So she decides to have the surgery, and it's succesful.
When she awakes afterwards she's furious because there are 3 boquets of flowers by her bed. She says "DOC! I told you not to tell anyone, what's the deal with the roses?"
Doc says, "Relax, This boquet is from me, I always give them to my patients after a succesful surgery. The second is from the anasthesiologist, he likes to give flowers to patients when they wake up, he thinks it's good luck."
She says, "WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER VASE!"
Doc says "Relax Mrs., that one is from the kid in the burn unit, he absolutely loves his new ears."