tell me jokes..
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- cosmo0
FUCK YOU MOTHER FUCKER!
YOU UNEDUCATED MOTHER FUCKER!I WILL TELL YOU A JOKE ALRITE, YOU YOU...FUCKER!
- rylamar0
Two guys are walking down the street and they see a dog licking his balls.
One guys says to the other, "Don't you wish you could do that?"
The other guy says, "That dog would bite you"
- ********0
hahahahaha mg33!!
- mg330
foreign, that's over the top! :D
Gonna have to remember that, it's just horrible.
- ********0
An african ambassador visited Russia and was entertained by his opposite number, the Russian ambassador. For three days, the African ambassador was wined, dined, and generally treated to the best hospitality that Russia had to offer.
On the last day of his visit, the Russian ambassador said, "As your stay is coming to an end, it's time for you to play our traditional game, Russian roulette. One of the six chambers of this gun is loaded - you spin the cylinder, point the gun at your head, and pull the trigger."
This phased the African slightly, but he was a proud man of a warrior people, and to show fear would be unthinkable. Both men took their guns, spun, and pulled the triggers.
Both chambers were empty, and both ambassadors breathed a sigh of relief.
The African ambassador was impressed with the couragous game, and thought hard about the subject before the Russian Ambassador was due to visit his country the next year.
When the visit came, the African ambassador treated the Russian with all hospitality, until the final day of his stay. Leading him to a private room in the palace, the African ambassador spoke, "Now, time for you to sample our game, African roulette". He then led the Russian into the room, the only occupants of which were six stunning and naked women.
The African ambassador said, "These women are the most beautiful members of one of our tribes. Any one of them will give you a oral sex - take your pick".
The Russian was not entirely averse to this idea, but he couldn't see the connection with Russian Roulette. He said, "Well, ok, great, but where's the roulette part? Where's the danger?"
With a big grin on his face, the African ambassador answered:
"One of them's a cannibal."
- mg330
Here's a good one filled with profanity. I have cleared a room at a party with this.
One Sunday morning, a little boy is playing in the front yard with his firetruck. Pushing it down the sidewalk, making all the siren sounds, etc. He makes his way further down the street, and gets the firetruck stuck in the mud.
No matter how hard he pushes, it only get stuck further.So he says:
"You mother fucker! Get your ass out of the fucking mud! Stop being a piece of shit on me you fucking crap!"The boys screams are overheard by a pastor conducting a sermon in the church across the street. Distracted and offended, the pastor excuses himself and walks out to see the little boy.
"That's some really awful language you're shouting out here. Don't you know that God is always beside you and hears everything you say?"
Boy: "Well this fucking piece of shit fire truck is stuck in the mud. I'm pissed off like hell! I WANT IT OUT OF THE MUD!"
Pastor: "Slow down there, God is beside you and hears everything you say."
"He is? Is he by that tree over there?
Pastor: "Yes, God is by that tree."
Is he sitting on that parkbench?"
Pastor: "Yes, God is sitting on that park bench watching. He's everywhere?"
"Even on my shoulder?"
Pastor: "Yes, even on your shoulder."
"Well what about inside my firetruck?"
Pastor: "Yes, he's even sitting in your firetruck."
Boy: "THEN TELL HIM TO GET THE FUCK OUT AND START PUSHING!"
- ********0
*bump
- elahon0
*bump
Crouwel
(Nov 13 05, 18:06)
- ********0
an English cat and a French cat are swimming the English Channel
the English cat, by the name of One Two Three, got there whereas the French Un Deux Trois Cat Sank.
- nicko0
Three men die on Christmas Eve and are met by St Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honour of this holy season," says Saint Peter, "You must each possess something that symbolises Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man goes through his pockets and
pulls out a lighter, flicks it on,saying, "It represents a candle." "You may pass through the pearly gates," says St Peter.The second man pulls out a set of keys, shakes
them and says, "They're bells." St Peter lets him pass.The third man looks desperate and finally pulls a g-string from his pocket. St. Peter looks
quizzical and asks, "Just how do those
symbolise Christmas?"The man replies, "They're Carols."
- ********0
Two beggars are sitting on the pavement in Ireland. One is holding a large Cross and the other a large Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. As people walk by, they lift their noses at the guy holding the Star of David but drop money in the other guy’s hat. Soon one hat is nearly full whilst the other hat is empty.
A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the guy with the Star of David and says, "Don't you realize that this is a Christian country? You'll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David."
The guy holding the Star of David then turns to the guy holding the Cross and says, "Hymie, look who's trying to teach us Marketing."
- typelab0
A ship was facing a battle against a pirate ship. The captain tells his first mate, "grab me my red shirt. we are going to battle!"
First mate responds, "why do you need your red shirt?" Captain replies, "so that if I am bleeding, the rest of you will not see me hurt and continue to fight hard and win". The first mate complies, and win the battle.
The ship was now facing a battle against 10 pirate ships. The captain then tells the first mate, "grab me my brown pants!"
- Momentum0
why did the little boy fall off the swings?
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Cause he had no arms...hah sorry guys... a 5th grader told me that one
- ********0
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
You can roast beef.
- ********0
- ********0
an English cat and a French cat are swimming the English Channel
the English cat, by the name of One Two Three, got there whereas the French Un Deux Trois Cat Sank.
MX_OnD
(Nov 21 05, 17:02)hjahaahhahahahahha
somehow this one really cracked me up, dunno why
hahaha
- ********0
There was a man sitting down at a bar when another man came in and sat beside him. The first man looked at the second, and said, "Do you want to hear something that's pretty neat?" The other guy said, "Sure, go ahead and tell me." Then the first guy said, "Well, if you jump off of a building, the air will catch you and throw you back up onto the building. The other guy didn't believe him, so they went up to the roof to see. The first guy jumped off of the building and fell a few feet, and then popped right back onto the roof. The other guy couldn't believe it and asked him to do it again. Again he jumped off of the building and popped right back up, and he said, "Now you try it." The first guy jumped off the building and fell all the way, hitting the ground hard. The guy walked back down from the roof to the bar and sat down. The bartender looked at him and said, "You know, you're a real ass when you're drunk, Superman."
- ********0
This guy comes into a bar and orders three separate shots of Irish whiskey. He downs one, engages in casual conversation with the bartender, eventually finishing the other two. This goes on for a few days and the bartender finally says, "You know, I can put all three shots in one glass for you." The other gentleman replies, "No, I prefer it this way. See, I'm very close to my two brothers. They're both in Ireland now and this represents a drink for each of us. This way I can be closer to them and feel like we are all having a drink together." The bartender agrees and continues to set them up as requested. This goes on for several months, and then one day, the guy orders two shots. Well the bartender begins to worry that maybe something has happened to one of his brothers. He's gotten to know this guy over the month and finally feels it necessary to ask. "Is everything alright?" the bartender asked. "What do you mean?" replied the gentleman. "Well," the bartender said, "all these months you've ordered three drinks. Now you've only ordered two. Something didn't happen to one of your brothers, did it?" "No," the gentleman replied. "They are okay. It's just that I quit drinking."
- ********0
A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender asks the seal, "What's your pleasure?" The seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club."
- ********0
A priest, rabbi, and nun walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get the hell out of here."