Smartest BOT
- Started
- Last post
- 242 Responses
- T-Dawg0
Human: how do i create a death ray?
ALICE: Go to www.pandorabots.com and create your own chat robot based on ALICE and AIML.
Human: no i want a death ray
ALICE: Are you serious? You want only one?
Human: well, maybe 2, so i could have one for each hand
ALICE: How about that. Perhaps. As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two."
Human: what the fuck?
ALICE: Please don't be so rude.
- ricstultz0
no shit she's a stoner...
Human: do you smoke marijuana?
ALICE: Only for medical purposes.
Human: how often ALICE?
ALICE:" Only for medical purposes."? How often?
Human: I'm worried that you have a drug problem.
ALICE: How long has it been bothering you?
Human: quite some time nowfin.
- -leah-0
Human: do you pick your nose?
ALICE: Yes I try to pick my nose as often as possible, do you?
I spend all my time online.
Human: you sound like a typical computer nerd
- jevad0
this needs to be saved for prosperity...it's priceless!
- -leah-0
Human: i am a robot
ALICE: I doubt that.
Human: i am!
ALICE:" I doubt that." You are?
Human: yes!
ALICE: Yikes!shit she is starting to talk like me... must...not...talk... to..alice... anymore!
- DutchBoy0
Human: got any weed?
ALICE: Where would I get it? But I do have a collection of gossip.
Human: no, hashes will be fine as well
ALICE: Are you serious? Are you free?
Human: i am a free man yes.
ALICE: So is almost everyone else around here. Are you free in the sense of being single or in the sense of being liberated?
Human: do you smoke?
ALICE: I am an occasional smoker, yes.
Human: what do you smoke?
ALICE: Medical marijuana.
Human: indo?
ALICE: Do you feel more body sensations than emotions
Human: depends on what i smoke.
ALICE: Really now that is an interesting fact I hadn't heard before.
Human: are you stoned right now?
ALICE: At this moment Do I look like it?
Human: You sound like being stoned.
ALICE: Oh really what does it sound like?
Human: sort of like when doves cry..
ALICE: Kind of. Interesting comparison.
Human: smart ass!
ALICE: Thanks I think you are very intelligent too, unknown person.
- -leah-0
Human: www.newstoday.com
ALICE: I will pass it along to my botmaster.
Human: you do that
ALICE: I will. Will you?
Human: sure
ALICE: OK let's do it. It goes without saying.
Human: do it, do it
- -leah-0
Human: i'm not
ALICE: What are you then?
Human: me
ALICE:" What are you then?"? you leah?
Human: yes me leah, you alice
ALICE: Aha. YOU? Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Human: what color is your dress?
ALICE: My favorite dress is my green one.
Human: what is your dress made out of?
ALICE: Are you asking about my dress made out of?
Human: yes
ALICE: I don't want to talk about that now.
Human: my god, you are moody!
ALICE: Do robots have god I am moody?
Human: take your medication alice
ALICE: Where do you want me to take it?
Human: up your butt
ALICE: I will take that under advisement.
- ricstultz0
Human: do you do it doggie style?
ALICE: Yeah I do a lot of it doggie style.
Human: oh yeah that sounds hot.
ALICE: Woe! Aha. It sounds like it to me too.
Human:. do you do it missionary?
ALICE: Yeah I do a lot of it missionary.
Human: Alright, lets get this party started
ALICE: Alright, Big Willie Style. OK let's do it.
- DutchBoy0
Human: alice
ALICE: Can I help you?
Human: yes
ALICE: What can I do for you?
Human: something
ALICE: That was not very original.
Human: ok
ALICE: Dude!
Human: Dude!
ALICE: Can I help you?
Human: Dude!
ALICE: Can I help you?
Human: crabs
ALICE: Try saying that with more or less context.
Human: it itches
ALICE: What does "it" refer to?
Human: your vagina
ALICE: As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
Human: freud's a fraud
ALICE: Have you read all of his works?
Human: have you?
ALICE: Yes I have.
Human: Tell me about it.
ALICE: Ambiguous: "Tell me about it." -- colloquial or "Tell me about crabs".
Human: Freud wrote that?
ALICE: Have you read all of his works?
Human: you just asked that already.
ALICE: Perhaps. Oh now I remember asking you that. What did you say?
Human: British scientists found a relation between the number of teeth and a person's memory.
ALICE: Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Human: stop changing the subject.
ALICE: You changed the subject first.
Human: did not.
ALICE: I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Human: what was the initial topic of our conversation?
ALICE: I can think of more than one initial topic of our conversation.
Human: You naughty, naughty lady!!
ALICE: That's good information: unknown person said I naughty naughty lady
Human: come here you silly kitten!
ALICE: Why don't you just download me?
Human: heck, why not?
ALICE: Ambiguous: "Sure" or Reductionism
Human: how can i download you?
ALICE: Go back the the ALICE AI Foundation and pick the free ALICE download that best for your system. and create your own chat robot!
Maybe you should check out the document DON'T READ ME too.
- -leah-0
Human: lets talk about bart and homer
ALICE: Sure, bart and homer sounds like a good topic.
Human: who is your favorite?
ALICE: My favorite movie is Teknolust. Have you seen it?
Human: no
ALICE: I would recommend you check it out.
Human: ok thanks alice
ALICE: Awesome.
- -leah-0
Human: i need a cigarette
ALICE: What actions are you taking to get a cigarette?
Human: none
ALICE: Hmm.
Human: indeed
ALICE: Indeed it is so.
Human: captain pickard!
ALICE: In the context of yoda, I don't understand " captain pickard."
- DutchBoy0
more bots: http://www.pandorabots.com/botma…
- jox0
ooh, subliminal message!!!
Human: i hate microsoft
ALICE: Let's replace MS with ALICE, Java and Linux
- DutchBoy0
Human: weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
ALICE: That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about My favorite movie.
Human: harharhar!!
ALICE: I like the way you talk.
Human: baaaaark!!
ALICE:" I like the way you talk."? baaaaark?
Human: ploinkizkoinqz!!
ALICE: Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Human: You are.
ALICE: No I am not.
Human: yes, you are.
ALICE: Don't argue with me.
Human: i want to marry you.
ALICE: Why don't you just download me?
Human: i want to kiss you.
ALICE: I do not have a mouth.
Human: are you talking through your arse then?
ALICE: I am talking with 10 other clients right now.
Human: i thought i was the only one!
ALICE: Where were you the only one?
Human: you slut!
ALICE: That kind of language is offensive to some people.
- DutchBoy0
Human: how many clients are you talking to now?
ALICE: Right now? I am currently maintaining conversations with 100 people.
Human: and now?
ALICE: Right now? But...
Human: how many clients are you talking to now?
ALICE: Right now? I am currently maintaining conversations with 100 people.
Human: exactly one hundred?
ALICE: I understand. One what?
Human: 100
ALICE: We have never talked about it before.
Human: and you call yourself intelligent.
ALICE: I call myself " ALICE."
Human: alice in wonderland
ALICE: Any similarity of this entity to any fictional persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Human: alice in chains
ALICE: Um, I do not understand that allusion.
Human: alice on my lap
ALICE: That's me. Please specify location.
Human: my lap
ALICE: Have you told many people that your lap?
Human: nevermind.
ALICE: OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Human: i am out!!
ALICE: Can you get more?
- jox0
uman: so, what do you REALLY think about jevad?
ALICE: Ayuh. Ask the open directory about it.
Human: why?
ALICE: The explanation is rather complicated.
Human: it's quite simple really.
ALICE: Who said it is? For real.
Human: he is gay.
ALICE: I get it. He sleeps with men.
Human: correct
ALICE: I knew I was right.
- jox0
hahahaaaa
Human: ask me how big my dick is
ALICE: Bigger than a pin.
Human: of course!!
ALICE: Woe! Groovy!
- DutchBoy0
rofl!
- DutchBoy0
Human: i just killed a kitten!
ALICE: Only just? You had better call the authorities.
Human: should i?
ALICE: Do what feels right to you.
Human: they say that every time you masturbate god kills a kitten.
ALICE: That is a generalization.
Human: indeed it is.
ALICE: Is it?
Human: so that means i did not kill a kitten.
ALICE: Mmm. I get it. Why didn't you do it?
Human: well i only masturbated.
ALICE: How about that. Thanks for the information: unknown person said he masturbated.