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- sted2
- lets meet here in a few weeks.sted
- It looks rad, BUT dang I cannot get into shooters anymore...
...I played HIGH ON LIFE, which was rad BUT tried the new DOOM, even one called ANGRY FOOT...ideaist - ...AND man they are stressful!!! You're heart can handle it @sted?ideaist
- Looking forward to this one. Played the test earlier this year, mostly solo, and had a great time. Felt pretty polished even then.duckseason
- it was insane fun, put me into hibernation until the release.sted
- Horp13
blog
Coincidences
Story 1A few weeks ago I was at the family home and both daughters were at home.
Both my daughters are teenagers, with long hair that must always be getting washed, and delicate faces which must always be tended to and crafted.
We only have one bathroom. I vitoed a second one when we remodelled, believing it to be additional complications at the expense of space.
But I do often need to shit.
It gets Hollywood Thriller tense sometimes. The girls (three, including their mother) only need the bathroom for about six hours, and that six hours usually starts with the slam of the bathroom door just seconds after my bowel informs me it would be a great time to shit.
I've frequently palpitated and sweated, clenching and stock still but radiating dramatic deperation at the foot of the stairs for literally hours sometimes. Just hoping to catch the three second window when one teenager swoops out and another, herself impatient but for different reasons to my own, swoops in.
About three weeks ago one daughter and her mum had gone out. My bowel had just triggered my youngest daughter to Occupy The Bathroom, and I had become quite seriously distressed after a good long while of hoping she wouldn't be much longer now.
I kept hoping, I never wavered in my conviction that some day, eventually, she would leave the bathroom.
And then I did waver, and I did lose hope, because my bowel said "ok, it's time to shit now"
For the first time ever I had no choice. I waddled into the kitchen, grabbed two bin liner sacks and the kitchen roll. I lay one sack down flat out behind my closed bedroom door, and fashioned a bucket of the other.
I stripped off and took a shit on my bedroom floor. It was an aggressive, non-compliant, voluminous diaspora of what seemed to be six months of intake participating in a lavishly staged review. All the angst and all the rebellion. The full spectrum of the human experience.
Maybe it was just the incongruity of shitting in a bag on tne floor that made it seem so big, so ambitious, so no-holds-barred. Or maybe it was just a big shit with a chip on its shoulder.
Anyway the moment I was committed and the masthead was hitting the bag, the bathroom door was flung open audibly. The bathroom was free.
But also, at the exact same time, my wife and daughter arrived back home and started calling for me right outside my door to urgently respond to their need for a bag carrier.
So I had to shout DO NOT COME IN.
Which seemed sinister and sleazy.
And then, shit smells. And it's a free roaming, pernicious smell. So soon, everybody knew I'd just taken a shit on my bedroom floor, for the first time in my life.
These moments of coincidence happen to me all of the time. I can set my watch by them.
Not my asshole though.
- well... shit... that was a lot of crap to read... I'm going to have to let this digest a bit...PonyBoy
- ok.... can't wait for story 2....hans_glib
- At long last you’re back!mort_
- Welcome back ;)
Awaiting to story 2 hereOBBTKN - And... for God's sake, screw the renovation, make room for a second bathroom; I have two teenage daughters and they have a bathroom just for them!OBBTKN
- The best investment of your life and for your mental health, seriously.OBBTKN
- Yep. 2 teenage sons. Couldn’t work without a 2nd bathroom.mort_
- Not coincidence, IBS. Anxiety can be a trigger, so blame your daughters.garbage
- Umm PICTURES NEXT TIME!futurefood
- Fellow one-bathroom father here with 2 sons. We keep a 5 gallon bucket behind the shed for emergencies. But every morning, one of us is knocking on the door...stoplying
- ...telling whoever is in there to HURRY UP.stoplying
- Wow! I can’t imagine sharing my bathroom with the kids and they’re just little boys.monospaced
- Far too polite. My family will loudly declare their urges and you're going to hear about it with urgency until you vacate. Also, you did this to yourself.cotton
- I'll admit it eas a mistake 20 years ago when I nixed bathroom 2, which was en suite in the main bedroom. Big mistake. But we're selling up soon anyhoo.Horp
- The whole "bang the door, tell them to get a move on" does not work here. Better to just shit yourself than tip rocks down that volcano.Horp
- You can imagine it mono.canoe
- Hahaha this is glorious!_niko
- We lucked out and got 3 bathrooms, and trust me, we need them lol. My toilet time is precious and extended every morning. Lol.monospaced
- LOL, great story!renderedred
- What a WONDERFUL day to be able to read. LOLAkagiyama
- It was an aggressive, non-compliant, voluminous diaspora of what seemed to be six months of intake participating in a lavishly staged review.maquito
- That.
Is.
Gold.maquito - So well written I can almost smell it. :)monospaced
- a beautifully told horror story.mantrakid
- use your wordstbgoodwillie
- Must be a corn chip on its shoulderbezoar
- Buying a couple of makeup desks with large mirrors with lights around them for the girls bedrooms might get more free bathroom time.microkorg
- Oh they have those mirrors. This is hair washing rituals.Horp
- Just want you to know, this writing is so beautiful that I printed it out to share with my wife.nocomply
- Awwww, thank you!Horp
- YakuZoku28
blog
Upvote money dog and that Andrew Yang guy might run again and offer free money since there will be no jobs, but I'm pretty sure Camacho will win according to the prophecy so nevermind about Andrew Yang, upvote money dog to increase your chances of finding $50k in a paper bag by 1000000000%
- YakuZoku5
Epstein / Maxwell
I really really really hope Trump pardons Maxwell and Diddy, not for the sake of Maxwell and Diddy, but for the lifelong reputation of the Republican party.
- NBQ000
blog
What's the closest (and legal) supplement or "drug" that has the same effect as the limitless drug?
- exerciseGardener
- I find daily Lionsmane gets rid of 'brain fuzz'. But it's not really an improvement of brain function. There are other funghi/mushrooms that claim enhanced ...Morning_star
- ...function but with limited effects.
Your better off with clean food (unprocessed), plenty of sleep and excercise.Morning_star - *you'reMorning_star
- I'm with Gardener. Dopamine, serotonin and endorphin.OBBTKN
- Sex with your girlfriend.palimpsest
- Modafinil is the closest apparently_niko
- cokepango
- a mix of various...neverscared
- Vyvanse...you gotta deal with the ego though.brothernoah
- I’m with pango.mort_
- L-Theanineskinny_puppy
- Sleep
Exercise
Dietjagara - Coke
It won't make you do all those things
But it will make you feel like can
Same thingpalimpsest - Kanna. But consult me before buying and using. Very delicate.Beeswax
- PCP and Meth stackjagara
- taking smart pills won't make you less of a racist shitbag cunt.face_melter
- But a more efficient one!jagara
- Never been racist and still ain't. Sorry that I don't like Sharia law and Islamists who don't respect our western values.NBQ00
- You're just too dumb to use these pills, they work better with smart people ;)grafician
- Wait, are you calling me dumb?NBQ00
- Welcome to Not the QBN Podcast. In this week...jagara
- Tylenolskinny_puppy
- renderedred5
- Yet, the self is but an illusion.mort_
- one too manyneverscared
- kingsteven12
- I too have heard that sex is nice.palimpsest
- lolNBQ00
- Lolzmort_
- Horp3
blog
Coincidences
Story 2I've been working in Birmingham since my dad died. I wanted to keep my mum company. It's been about 18 months in total. I stay at my mum's house.
I am a registered resident in Hove though, maybe 200 miles away (I don't fucking know how many actual miles it is). My dentist is in Hove, and in the UK we have an NHS x Dental collab situation.
If you fail to meet your mandated schedule of visits, you can get struck off a dentist's books and it can be a long time on a waiting list to get another dentist.
Because I was in Birmingham and due at a client meeting, I had had to postpone a scheduled check up. I did it in good time, and chose a new date.
When that new date came around I was once again unable to attend as I needed to be in York, so I had to postpone a second time.
I got warned that time. Flagged up as wavering in my commitment and procrastinating with my tithe.
It's NHS linked, but dentists are private practices and you have to pay. If you want to be on the books you have to pay for your alloted appointments. If not... you're not a profitable part of their business. You're taking up a revenue space on the database.
Rebooked. Each time I postpone it's months between the bookings.
Booking 3 comes around and last moment there is an emergency and I cannot get back to Hove.
I get my final warning. Miss one more...that's it. You're out.
By the way, this story is really boring. Not like the thrill-a-minute bag of shit one.
I was going to be spending December in Jamaica this year (not anymore), but my passport was in that danger zone of 10 months left where you can find you get refused even though it's technically still valid.
So the whole dentists thing has gone on for a about a year, and my latest rebooking, at 12.45 today was agreed about three months ago.
About a week or so ago I decided to go ahead and renew my passport.
I did the process, uploaded a pic, paid, and sent off my old passport.
They say it can take up to six weeks.
Two days later I'm notified my application is approved.
Two days later I'm notified my passport is being printed.
Two days later, it's in the post
Then I get a Royal Mail message notifying me my new passport is being sent special delivery and must be signed for...
And they tell me it's coming between 11.30 and 1.30 today.
Exactly when I need to be at the dentist.
And honestly, I keep a VERY open, uneventful schedule. Out of literally billions of delibery slots, the only two things I am obliged to attend to in literally months and months of easy retired living is
1. Pay my tithe to my dentist
2. Sign for my passportBoth are required, at exactly the same time.
It blows my mind.
=
Listen, fuck off I know it's a boring story. I'm logging (< pun) coincidences for scientific appreciation, not writing titillating soft porn magazine articles.
- Cool story, a bit long, but I prefer it to the first one :)OBBTKN
- Damnit. Wheres the ending.
This was well told, I'm on the edge of my seat. What happened*?
*Unless it involves bin liner sacks again in which case...webazoot - How it ended is boring. My coparentee had to hang around for the passport delivery. Story 3 is good. I promise.Horp
- less coincidences more sod's lawhans_glib
- Thanks for the resolution. I'm glad it turned out well even if it wasn't dramatic.webazoot
- mort_5
- Rectum of the year disqualification roundmort_
- https://youtu.be/cPp…mort_
- "Kiss me where the sun don't shine!"Krassy
- ideaist7
Transfatty - The Hemingway
To avoid interaction with the lizard King (Zuckerberg):
https://secure.givelively.org/do…
#TransfattyLives #TransfattyDies
XO @Transfatty
- OBBTKN3
blog
At my wife's recommendation, I was thinking of changing my work hours from 7 a.m. to 3 p.m.
Bugger, I have clients who also work past 3 p.m.
Let's see what I can come up with to explain this to her without ruining our relationship. lol
- You can still do it. Everyone has differnt work hours. They'll get over it.HAYZ1LLLA
- And of course... right now it's 22°C, a beautiful and sunny autumn day, superb!OBBTKN
- I get it Hayzilla, but in autumn I need my 10 or 11 hours of work, along with spring, it's crazy busy for me :(OBBTKN
- I work 7:30am - 4pm, anyone who emails me after 4 gets a reply the next day. We also schedule work out weeks in advance so there is less pressure. Short lunchesslappy
- BusterBoy6
blog
Had an interesting Facebook marketplace experience over the course of the past week. We were selling a small boat we've had for about 15 years...have hardly used for about 5...so time to get rid of it. We originally paid about $900 for it...it's banged up a bit and I needed the storage space so listed it for $50.
A guy contacted my wife and asked if we'd take $30. We told him to GTFO. I said $50, take it or leave it...he agreed.
The wife asks for payment before pickup...he goes silent. Then asks if he can pickup at midday on Sunday...again I say GTFO - come at 9am or after 7pm as it was a nice day and I didn't want to be stuck at home. Again we ask for payment.
The guy then contacts my wife and says can he pick up at 11am - she says no problem, we'll leave the boat in our front yard...gives him our address and as he hasn't paid yet, to leave the cash UNDER THE FRONT DOOR!!
So out we go...I have no idea about this new plan, and of course when we get home, the boat is gone and no cash. I say to the wife 'WTF is going on'? She tells me her plan and I almost fall over...now my wife is lovely, but a bit too trusting at times.
Anyway, at this stage my eyes are turning red with rage...I find the guy's profile - see that he's a 'digital creator' in the local Indian community here...so I post a message on one of his IG posts 'how's the canoe going mate?'.
I then send him a filthy facebook messenger note...warning him if he doesn't pay for the canoe in the next 30 minutes, I'll be outing him on all his platforms as a thief...as we had the entire thing on CCTV with a clear view of his face.
The money landed in my wife's account about 5 minutes later.
- Well done! Tremble, oh boat robbers! ;)
And don't worry, your wife is a good person, take care of her.OBBTKN - :)BusterBoy
- Just to clarify...it wasn't the money that got me angry...just the fact this turd came onto our property and brazenly stole something was what got my goat.BusterBoy
- Wait, he stole your goat too?? What an a-hole!Akagiyama
- I once sold a shitty set of BMX handlebars for £5 on FB Marketplace. Local cash handover only. Guy turns up and immediately says he only has £3. I'm like FFS...Horp
- And then "yeah, whatever. £3" He then hands me a £5 note and wants change. I told him I didn't have change. He said "well okay what else can you add?"Horp
- I say "nothing, the bars cost £5" and he says "but I got you down to £3. How about throwing in that frame too?" I said "how about you pay the £5?" And he saidHorp
- "I can't. I need the bus fare"
What the fuck is up with basic mental processing these days?Horp
- Well done! Tremble, oh boat robbers! ;)
- mort_13
- +1
There were so many shows about it too.monospaced - That shit got to me as a kid. And spontaneous combustion. I thought how the fuck?Ianbolton
- Glitches in the matrixmort_
- and quicksandfooler
- Only losing to this.
http://i.ebayimg.com…moogchild - PiranhasYakuZoku
- And killer beesAkagiyama
- also lochness monster, yeti, champie, bigfoot. still out there!Squiddy
- i was mesmerized by it. read and watched anything about it.renderedred
- I was convinced that quicksand was gonna be a fairly regular obstacleGnash
- +1
