Joke of the Day
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- 677 Responses
- Longcopylover20
- It's so bad I love it. Sorry.Longcopylover
- Dad jokelemmy_k
- what a joker_niko
- Wait, is that the "checking out another girl" meme guy?Akagiyama
- WHOOMP!!prophetone
- Hahaha, shit, that's terrible.
I love it.Continuity - OMG, I'm saying this to my son as soon as he wakes up!elahon
- took me way too long to get it....pango
- I way over-thought this, haha.Nairn
- +++brt44
- username checks out.utopian
- ouch haha there is a facebook group for these jokes. you can feel your brain-cells dying while readingsted
- Hayzilla25
QBN Photoshop Battle
- LOLsoundofreason
- lolKrassy
- Ha!OBBTKN
- >//<utopian
- rofld_gitale
- has the psb thread been deleted ?d_gitale
- yupKrassy
- @d_gitale https://www.qbn.com/…Krassy
- bliznutty16
Talking Dog
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so... I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'
'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a Bullshitter! .... He's never been out of the yard'.- LOLautoflavour
- :)Gnash
- I lol'dRamanisky2
- haha why am i laughingprophetone
- haha this is an ancient jokeernexbcn
- The second pic.,.. lolscarabin
- imbecile11
- lol, took me a secondMaaku
- ^ Ha .. same here.Ramanisky2
- I nearly posted, 'I don't get it.'
Then I did.Continuity - It’s called a ‘set joke’Ramanisky2
- Lol great_niko
- Works best in a shit Irish accentNairn
- Oh neighbor CLINT, use a bigger brush, dude!Krassy
- https://youtu.be/8X_…scarabin
- helloeatbreathedrive15
- That's insulting on several levels... quite clever acutually.Longcopylover
- I’m so slow it took me 3 takes yo get it lol_niko
- Krassy9
- more like "We drink in NYC, then we drink in LA, then that's it" :)Krassy
- i think shellie quitdocpoz
- drink turnouts were less than expected likelyimbecile
- shellie gets shit done.pango
- didn't quit, just have 3 big projects running & moving too. As soon as I get paid Im sending out stickers. I went from no work, to lotsa work. Waitin on chequesshellie
- don't worry shellie. we're just waiting on the battle part.pango
- patiencepockets
- yes, what Pango said and it's what was meant by this post -- just waiting for the PS battle :)Krassy
- I stand correcteddocpoz
- eatsted
- morested
- bananassted
- GeorgesII10
There are 3 Spies that get captured. One spy is French, one is German and the other is Italian. Their captors come into the cell and grab the French spy and tie his hands behind a chair in the next room. They torture him for 2 hours before he answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets. The captors throw the French spy back into the cell and grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair as well and torture him for 4 hours before he tells them what they want to know. They throw him back into the cell and grab the Italian spy. They tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing. 4 hours go by and the spy isn't talking. Then 8 hours, then 16 and after 24 hours they give up and throw him back into the cell. The German and French spy are impressed and ask him how he managed to not talk. The Italian spy responds, " I wanted to!, but I couldn't move my hands!".
- hahaaHijoDMaite
- good one :)sted
- lol_niko
- bene!Gnash
- *clap*
unexpected ending.VectorMasked
- autoflavour4
What’s the difference between a dirty bustop and a lobster with breast implants ?
Ones a dirty bus stationing and the other is a busty crustacean
- Lol.. ruined the punchline in a written joke.. fail.. bus stationautoflavour
- Fuck.. crusty bus station..
Totally screwed that poochautoflavour - multifailhans_glib
- LOL!oey_oey
- Damn this was confusing AFnb
- The fail makes it better.stoplying
- lolBluejam
- I'm so confused.wagshaft
- Lol.. so stupid..autoflavour
- http://invisiblecham…scarabin
- please retry this correctly. i love it too much and can't figure out the real jokecapn_ron
- _niko9
just stumbled on a bunch of soviet jokes:
A worker goes to Stalin and says "Comrade Stalin, there's so many potatoes they'd reach all the way to God!".
Stalin replies "But God doesn't exist."
The worker replies "Yes. Neither do the potatoes."---------------------------
A man in Soviet Russia saves up enough money to buy a car. He goes to the dealership, pays the money and signs the contract. The clerk tells him
"Okay sir, Your car will be ready for you in ten years"
The man replies
"Morning or evening?"
The clerk confused, asks him
"Ten years from now what difference will it make?"
The man tells him
"Well, the plumber is coming in the morning"-------------------
Two Gulag inmates are talking.
"What's your sentence?"
"Twenty years."
"Twenty years? What did you do?"
"I did nothing."
"Well that is impossible."
"Why is it impossible?"
"Because you get ten years for doing nothing."
- Krassy8
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one’s mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It’s also mine
- Projectile9
- [Laughs in ultrasound]palimpsest
- I don’t get itscarabin
- The moth betrayed itself with the response to the call.
Bat: Who let the dogs out?
Moth: Who, who, who... Oh shit!palimpsest - https://www.youtube.…rzu-rzu
- ApeRobot11
Set
- kona8
First Woman lands on the Moon. Soon after...
"Houston, we have a problem"
What is it?
"Oh, it's nothing."
What kind of problem are you having?
"It's nothing, I'm ok"
Please, tell us what's going on.
"I'm fine. It's fine."- lolGnash
- ( hmm. my better half did not appreciate this as much as i did)Gnash
- i don't understand this joke.oey
- < lol.VectorMasked
- BuddhaHat7
My wife left me because I'm too insecure.
- BuddhaHat7
A lawyer gets pulled over for speeding in Chicago.
Lawyer: Is there a problem, officer?
Officer: Sir, you were speeding.
Lawyer: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Lawyer: I would give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Lawyer: Lost it four years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see... Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Lawyer: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Lawyer: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Lawyer: Yes, and I killed the owner.
Officer: You what?
Lawyer: Killed the owner, I had to self defense otherwise he would call the police and I would be in jail.
The Officer looks at the Lawyer and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes five police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Senior Officer: Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please! The lawyer steps out of the vehicle.
Lawyer: Is there a problem sir?
Senior Officer: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and killed the owner.
Lawyer: Killed the owner?
Senior Officer: Is this your car, sir?
Lawyer: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Senior Officer: One of my officers claims that you don't have a driving license.
The lawyer digs into his pocket takes out his license and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.Senior Officer: Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you killed the owner.
Lawyer: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
- Why does he have to be from Chicago?wordssssss
- Wait Until You See What Happens Next! Junior Officers Hate Him!nb
- lol @nbbklyndroobeki
- Why does it have to be a lawyer?MrT