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Joke of the Day 345345 Responses
Last post: 1 day, 3 hours ago | Thread started: Oct 26, 08, 7:33 p.m.
- MrOneHundred
I think you need to re-assimilate before you post any more.
;–)
- Dog-earOct 26, 08, 7:38 p.m. – Permalink
- BannedKappa
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
"The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: ‘My friend is dead! What can I do?’ The operator says: ‘Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.’
"There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: ‘OK, now what?
- Dog-earOct 26, 08, 9:27 p.m. – Permalink
- kezza_2
A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are sitting in the garden of a psychiatric hospital.
With nothing to do and completely bored the sadist says: "Why don't we torture a cat?"
Then the zoophile says: "Yeah, we'll torture a cat and then we'll f*** it!!!"
The murderer agrees, "We'll torture a cat, f*** ... Read Moreit and then kill it!!!"
The necrophile says "We'll torture a cat, f*** it, kill it then f*** it again!!!"
The pyromaniac goes, "We'll torture a cat, f*** it, kill it, f*** it again and then set it on fire!!!"
There's a sudden silence and they all look at the masochist and ask: "You not saying anything???"
The masochist smiles and says:
"Meeeoww"
- Dog-earNov 25, 08, 5:46 a.m. – Permalink
- kezza_2
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when ... Read Moreno one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, 'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great You should go into town and kick up your heels.'
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her.
'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.
'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
Now take ... Read Moreoff my socks.' He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'- Dog-earNov 25, 08, 5:48 a.m. – Permalink
- Carl_Weathers
Two friends meet each other on the street. "hello! Where are you coming from?" asked Bill. "Oh, don't ask me! I'm coming from the cemetery. I just burried my mother-in-law" replied Sid. "I'm so sorry!" said Bill, "But why is your face schratched all over?". "It wasn't so easy!" said Sid, "She put on a hell of a fight!"
- Dog-earNov 25, 08, 6:09 a.m. – Permalink
- mistermik
A wedding occurred in Ireland. To keep tradition going, everyone got extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the living daylights out of each other.
The Police get called in to break up the fight. The following week, all members of both families appear in court.The fight continues in the court room until the Judge finally brings calm with the use of his hammer,shouting, "Silence in Court!"
The court room goes silent and Paddy,the Best Man, stands up and says,
"I was the Best Man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened."The Judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand.
Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the Best Man gets the first dance with the bride.
The judge says, "Okay."
"Well," said Paddy, "After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick right between her legs."
Shocked, the Judge instantly responded, "God, that must have hurt!"
"Hurt?!" Paddy replies. "He broke three of my fingers!"
- Dog-earNov 25, 08, 6:34 a.m. – Permalink
