Joke of the Day 376376 Responses

Last post: 2 weeks ago | Thread started: Oct 26, 08, 7:33 p.m.

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• BuddhaHat

  Heard at a buck's party on the weekend:

  Q: What's the difference between jam and marmalade?

  A: You can't marmalade your dick in your girlfriend's arse.

  Oct 26, 08, 7:33 p.m. – Permalink

• Peter

  It's funny cause it's true.

  

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  Dog-earOct 26, 08, 7:34 p.m. – Permalink

• boobs

  It must be jelly, cause jam don't shake like that.

  

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  Dog-earOct 26, 08, 7:35 p.m. – Permalink

• MrOneHundred

  I think you need to re-assimilate before you post any more.

  ;–)

  • It had to be shared. I'm sure it didn't offend you. You're MrOneHundred.– BuddhaHat1/2

    Nothing offends me. I am also Fungal_Bum.– MrOneHundred2/2

  

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  Dog-earOct 26, 08, 7:38 p.m. – Permalink

• airey

  lloyd. best joke ever.

  • llyod?– monospaced

  

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  Dog-earOct 26, 08, 7:39 p.m. – Permalink

• BusterBoy

  A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

  • i've always liked this one– flyingnowhere

  

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  Dog-earOct 26, 08, 8:58 p.m. – Permalink

• BusterBoy

  I knew I was dyslexic when I went to a goat party dressed as a dog...

  • I simpathise - I went to a toga part dressed as a goat?!– vivid1/2

    I must have been pissed when I wrote that! ha– BusterBoy2/2

  

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  Dog-earOct 26, 08, 8:58 p.m. – Permalink

• BannedKappa

  Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

  "The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: ‘My friend is dead! What can I do?’ The operator says: ‘Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.’

  "There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: ‘OK, now what?

  • lol– dMullins1/3

    ahahaha– Coffeemaker2/3

    Can I insert Polish between Two ___hunters– 74LEO3/3

  

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  Dog-earOct 26, 08, 9:27 p.m. – Permalink

• kezza_2

  A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are sitting in the garden of a psychiatric hospital.

  With nothing to do and completely bored the sadist says: "Why don't we torture a cat?"

  Then the zoophile says: "Yeah, we'll torture a cat and then we'll f*** it!!!"

  The murderer agrees, "We'll torture a cat, f*** ... Read Moreit and then kill it!!!"

  The necrophile says "We'll torture a cat, f*** it, kill it then f*** it again!!!"

  The pyromaniac goes, "We'll torture a cat, f*** it, kill it, f*** it again and then set it on fire!!!"

  There's a sudden silence and they all look at the masochist and ask: "You not saying anything???"

  The masochist smiles and says:

  "Meeeoww"

  • hhaha, i'm telling this joke at Thanksgiving.– harlequino1/5

    I'm telling this joke at my daughter's second grade parent teacher conference!– boobs2/5

    ...and a normal human being came with a MAC-11 and busted the domes of all of those bloody psychotics.– styleplus3/5

    ...lest that type of shit spread to the rest of normal world.– styleplus4/5

    FUCKING LOL
    this joke made me spit all over the wall..– Coffeemaker5/5

  

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  Dog-earNov 25, 08, 5:46 a.m. – Permalink

• kezza_2

  A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
  She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
  Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when ... Read Moreno one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
  Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, 'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great You should go into town and kick up your heels.'
  The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
  One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand.
  Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
  She quietly called him over to her.
  'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.
  'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
  Now take ... Read Moreoff my socks.' He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
  'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
  'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
  Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'

  • wtf is with this "read more"– Dancer1/8

    I don;t know I thought I was being brain washed at first.– chossy2/8

    read more is the joke– nilsnihil3/8

    so is it part of the joke above too?– Dancer4/8

    copy and paste? the first part was a preview?– bulletfactory5/8

    i guess so.. kezza sucks at copying lol– Coffeemaker6/8

    TL;DR– Lillebo7/8

    copy and paste off facebook– scruffics8/8

  

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  Dog-earNov 25, 08, 5:48 a.m. – Permalink

• OhYeah

  A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
  The librarian says "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

  • HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH...– mikotondria3

  

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  Dog-earNov 25, 08, 5:53 a.m. – Permalink

• chossy

  I used to be a trombone but now I'm okaaaAAAaaaa

  • haha– monoboy1/2

    cute– iCanHazQBN2/2

  

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  Dog-earNov 25, 08, 6:01 a.m. – Permalink

• digdre

  i once met a muslim, it blew me away how cool they are

  • racist curr– chossy1/3

    no... theyare cool.– digdre2/3

    jesus! go read the daily mail– thelukeandrews3/3

  

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  Dog-earNov 25, 08, 6:02 a.m. – Permalink

• armin

  yes we are the coolest:)

  

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  Dog-earNov 25, 08, 6:07 a.m. – Permalink

• Carl_Weathers

  Two friends meet each other on the street. "hello! Where are you coming from?" asked Bill. "Oh, don't ask me! I'm coming from the cemetery. I just burried my mother-in-law" replied Sid. "I'm so sorry!" said Bill, "But why is your face schratched all over?". "It wasn't so easy!" said Sid, "She put on a hell of a fight!"

  

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  Dog-earNov 25, 08, 6:09 a.m. – Permalink

• penelopes

  why did the cucumber blush? because it saw the salad dressing

  • WWhahhaaaaahahahahah...– Carl_Weathers1/2

    I thought it was "why did the tomato turn red?"..– such2/2

  

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  Dog-earNov 25, 08, 6:10 a.m. – Permalink

• graham

  Took the mrs out last night..... one punch... fucking beauty!

  • sheesus!!!!– chossy1/3

    hahahaha– Coffeemaker2/3

    love short and effctive jokes!– Coffeemaker3/3

  

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  Dog-earNov 25, 08, 6:11 a.m. – Permalink

• chossy

  how many women does it take to change a lightbulb?.

  one plus me to hold the ladder and totally look at her fanny and pants and that :D

  • camera phone pics?– brandelec1/3

    fucking lol
    hahaha– Dancer2/3

    lolz– Raniator3/3

  

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  Dog-earNov 25, 08, 6:13 a.m. – Permalink

• obsolete

  http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/…

  • Best joke ever :D– OhYeah

  

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  Dog-earNov 25, 08, 6:15 a.m. – Permalink

• Dancer

  I was standing in a queue for a cash point and the old dear in front of me turned around and said "do you think you could check my balance?"

  .... I looked at her and pushed her over...

  

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  Dog-earNov 25, 08, 6:19 a.m. – Permalink

• DaveO

  Great thread.

  

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  Dog-earNov 25, 08, 6:29 a.m. – Permalink