The Midlife crisis thread?
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- pango1
You buy a Harley?
- ... the open roadBonSeff
- harley’s are for retired folk. get a ducati!dorf
- Amen... I have two Ducati'snecromation
- rattail10
I have seriously thought of starting this thread a few times!
I'm in my 40's, Married for 10+ years, 2 kids, a house and a dog. I have an attractive fit wife that has a great job and lots of friends... the perfect life but I'm still miserable. I feel like packing up, leaving everything behind and move to a remote island.
I've almost done it a few times but I can't stand the thought of my kids growing up in a broken home as I did.
I've been at the same job for 6 years and do not find it fulfilling at all but I'm afraid to quit or go freelance and leave a steady paycheck and benefits. Just yesterday my wife told me she'd support the family if I quit and became mr. mom. Things would be tight but we ran the numbers and we could do it.
I'm not sure if that would make me any happier because my home life isn't that great either. I've thought of therapy but I had a real bad experience with one when I was a kid after my parents split.
Maybe we should start a Free Therapy thread now.- Your wife sounds willing to help you through this, which is not always a given. Also, leave that bad therapy experience in the past, feeling the need for itspl33nidoru
- is a good reason to try again, if only for a session or two to see how you feel about it. Try to go for a different gender than the 1st timespl33nidoru
- do it! mix it up. you're not in a prison - you're free to walk out the door whenever you want.sarahfailin
- I have a friend who was one of4 brothers in a fam. The day after the youngest graduated from HS his dad packed up and disappeared. He's still haunted by that.robotron3k
- Sounds strange that you would be willing to leave your wife if everything seems fine on that end. Sounds like her and kids are what will keep you grounded.ArmandoEstrada
- Maybe you need a passion or some projects to work on?Bennn
- Find a therapist that you like. My guy, Ken, I trust him with everything. First counselor, not at all. Ken, yes.misterhow
- you need an allotment, grow some veg, husband some chickens, sense the seasons, tune yourself to nature.shapesalad
- Mr. Mom does sound like a cool titleMaaku
- but don't turn it into a competition to grow the biggest leek, just spend some time being still, feel the rotation of the earth, the slow pace of plants growingshapesalad
- envelop in a sense of loneliness, and allow yourself to be equal to nature. do that for 30 mins per day. return to wife and kids, you'll really appreciate themshapesalad
- How old are your kids? If they're young, it would be amazing to just take time off from work and bring them to museums and on field trips all the time.freedom
- Do more fun kids stuff. Get to know your kids.freedom
- Have you talked to your wife about any of this?monospaced
- If I were you, I'd find a good therapist, try out being Mr. Mom, and start some crazy creative projects with the fam.e-wo
- I don't post much on QBN but have been going thru similar circumstances. Figured the root was a lack of good mates to spend down time with... have you got that?Beardy
- Interestingly enough, I think the longest study was done on what makes men happy. Things you describe is not really what makes us happy. It was our work orBoz
- that we feel we make a difference with something we love doing. Relationships were important but being happy with our work was the main conclusionBoz
- So I think you need to find that again. A good wife as a partner and kids will then just make it all even more worthy but meaningful work is a primary thingBoz
- for men's long term happiness.Boz
- it will pass, life will pass too, far too quickly, even if sometimes it's a drag... but seriously you need something bad, it will heal yourzu-rzu
- To be clear I meant "leave your job" not your family xDsarahfailin
- Do both. Go freelance, but first take a solo trip to Nepal and go trekking for a month.Projectile
- freedom2
Are you ok financially?
If so, find a place like a community theater or school that needs posters and illustrations for promotional things and volunteer your services.
Sometimes doing something for free even if you don't need the money is a bummer but sometimes if they give you a printing budget and free rein, that could be a ton of fun.
- yeah, that could be a good idea. offering my services for non lucrative organizations. thanks for the idea! Def taking this in noteBennn
- Draplin is a good example of this.DRIFTMONKEY
- Bennn0
"The Biggest Wastes Of Time We Regret When We Get Older"
- MrAbominable8
49 and wrestling with failure. There are some external forces but largely I'm a product of my own construction. In my 30s, I had NYC by the tail, writing about design and working at a prominent fine art gallery. A few years later, the company I was working for Enron-ed. Suddenly in my peak earning years, i was sapped with depression and effectively black-balled from a small community.
I switched gears and moved to freelance design work but didn't really have the hussle to make it work and '08 didn't make for friendly freelancing. I still have a few freelance clients but it's mostly drip-feed moonlight work.
In this past decade, I've been married and divorced. Bankrupt. And overextended with zero savings on multiple occasions.
In the past few years, I've been able to crawl back into my original field. It's changed a lot and I've had to change my perspective and expectations. On Friday, before I saw this thread, I was smoking a pipe, drinking whiskey mid-day and watching the East River from my penthouse patio in the rain. I make very little money but ostensibly work in the field of luxury. Old contacts are starting to wake up and I'm working my way to cobble together things i'm supposed to be good at.
And all I can think about is how much I hate my coworkers and want to walk away from it all. again.
Like I said. There are a bunch of external forces but i'm the common denominator in all my problems.
- note: office in a Sutton Place penthouse. I live in Harlem.MrAbominable
- if i learned anything when i rolled over into 50s, it's to take it easy and day by day. zero fucks given most of the time.renderedred
- ^ yes. the world-shaking went away. now i just wrestle with 'what do i settle for'.MrAbominable
- i get what you say, your post also reminded me of my story. i am still trying not to "settle" for anything. that part is pretty lonely ;)renderedred
- Urgh. This reminds me of me a bit, and I'm 45. It's fucking depressing.Continuity
- BonSeff0
I turn 45 this summer. I settled down late and became a father even later. My youngest turned one last week and I will be 63 when she graduates high school. It scares the shit out of me.
- Why does it scare you?freedom
- Because I have old school friends who have already graduated kids and becomming empty nesters and here I am changing diapers at 2am.BonSeff
- also, realizing mortality.BonSeff
- dont be scared, there is a reason why you in your life got this child at the right time. universe is never wrong, right?api
- Thank you, apiBonSeff
- I am 50. Adopted a newborn 10yrs ago. Enjoy every second, good and bad. My son is turning 10 soon. He is holding my hand walking home from school. THat will...lemmy_k
- end soon and I am loving every second of it while I can. Be present now. Take video.lemmy_k
- word. thanks, LemmyBonSeff
- I turn 41 this year. My one wish is to be able to give of myself, to someone else (not romantic, blood or not), like this. What a gift.notype
- NBQ000
Maybe at a certain age we have too many expectations on how certain things in life should've been. We fail but we can get up again.
We can't change the past, it's done. We can try to influence the future. But should enjoy the moment/ present more often.
At the end of the day this earth was a inhabitable rock some billions of years ago and will be swallowed up by the sun in few billions of years. What does matter in the end in our little human lives?
Sex.
- +1monospaced
- I think by "Sex." you mean "Connection."
; )ideaist
- BusterBoy3
I’m older than most of you bastards here. Going through a major funk. Had a melanoma removed about 7 years ago...had my checkups for a few years after and all fine. Just recently have started getting some pain in my shoulders and back...similar area where it was removed from. Shit scared it’s spread...I’m too much of a fucking coward to go to the doctor...with all the other shitty stuff going on (finances in the hole) I often think it’d be better and easier for everyone around me if I just shuffled off.
Sounds screwey...can’t really remember the last time I was truly happy, rather than just a moment of happiness. Would be 10+ years. Seems like every time I’m my life for years, if a situation has the potential to turn out good or bad, pretty much every time it’s turned out bad.
Freaking woe is me post. What a loser.
- Pain in the back could be anything at your age. Go to the doctor.cannonball1978
- hang in there man, there's always light somewhereBennn
- pedromendez12
I had a rather serious midlife crisis a few years ago.... ill try share my situation and some thoughts.
After dealing with this I've realised we all have our own shit - you just need to try and deal with it as best you can... I'm 38 - got married and had kids very young, now divorced.
Had a pretty horrible last 4 years during the separation and divorce trying to deal with it all and seeing my kids deal with it too.... Just about got through it with a lot of good friends, too much drink, drugs and tinder...
Some things that helped me along the way:
- Exercise. Doing it on your own is good but joining a group of some kind can be great too - the social aspect of finding groups of new friends can be fantastic. This can really help your mindset more than anything I think.... try swimming, cycling, running, boxing, jiu-jitsu, football, whatever you are interested in. This is a must. Whenever I stop exercising for a while, I feel drained and I find my mind goes a bit nuts and I over think everything! Also having your body in shape makes you feel great about yourself.
- Take enough time away for yourself, do something you really want to do, travel with friends, or take a solo holiday, whatever makes you happy. See an exhibition, buy something you really wanted, wank off a goat, whatever floats your boat.
- Push yourself in your work, this can be done in a number of ways. Learn something new maybe? I started a random personal project with no brief or objective, but it's really started to gather momentum and interest from the public and has now become a bit of a personal obsession of mine. I also went back to education, currently in the middle of a masters in my work and it's given me so much focus, determination to keep improving and drive to keep learning. It's also given me a shit load of confidence in what I'm doing. I'm much more assured in meetings, presentations etc now.
- Try and surround yourself with people that are positive and that make you happy. If you're not happy in work, quit and make a change. You will never be happy if you don't enjoy your work.
Best of luck—Midlife Crisis Internet Friends™. xoxox
- this.rootlock
- Midlife Crisis Internet Friends™... I want this tshirt.MrAbominable
- w a nice Newstoday logo (I'll settle for a QBN logo though)formed
- zaq2
This is how I dealt with my midlife crisis.
I planned a trip to Cordillera Huayhuash in Peru with a friend. It was more like an expedition. We hired local guide, a cook, 2 donkey riders, 6 donkeys & 2 horses. At one point we reached 5 km ( 1600 ft ). So it was not an easy trek.
Being away from home and family, disconnected from the internet, surrounded by spectacular nature helped me to slow down, take a look at myself and re-evaluate what's import in my life.
After my return I was a different person.
- Looks amazing!- What a cool trip that must've been. How long was the trek? 2 weeks?BH26
- 10 days + 3 days of altitude adjustmentzaq
- I can share the contacts. They were amazing peoplezaq
- 16,000 ftfooler
- correct. 16,404 ft to be precisezaq
- Whoa... damn that looks amazing.mg33
- sounds excellent. need to be an experienced hiker? or just semi-fit?inteliboy
- semi-fit. It was not expensive toozaq
- Bennn3
I think I have found a little project. I want to grow moss and lichen in a terrarium. Just watched a few videos on YT. It motivate me. I also want to try to grow a small tree inside the house and make a bonsai or something out of it.
there's hope!
:D- few weeks and you're going to get bored again. grow peyote have real fun :Dsted
- You should get a 3D printer and 'grow' yourself a dildo, then gfy with it.
Live long, Expand your something.Nairn - Nairm, your mom just called, you need to go home for dinner.Bennn
- lol @ nairnmonospaced
- freedom1
Take art classes or workshops. Buy a new camera, go browse an art supplies store.
Community college classes are cheap and filled with bored seniors. Find a community of people also in a rut.
- do the opposite! don't surround yourself with similar people!shapesalad
- Buying cameras and checking websites about camera has been an obsession in the last 2 years, i feel it was an inconscient way of keepin my brain activatedBennn
- ^ true. But it's helpful to realize when you realize you're not alone.freedom
- I have a new camera, again, since a month. I will try to slow down on the GASBennn
- Bennn3
Sometime, i would like to quit my job, sell my house and go hike the PCT for months to find myself.
