Tales from the Strip...
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- roundabout0
My first strip club experience was one to remember. So here I am 16, no fuck all about life, but think I know it all, and I am going out with my mate who is 17,and a load of blokes in there 30s. We get to the club very early to get the front row seats, bang smack in the middle of the mayhem. The show starts and as you can imagine my EYE are wide open, boobies all over the place, and I am now drunk, and then the mayhem begins, one of the strippers make a bee line straight for me, bend over the table and tell me to GET UP, at this point I am thinking, Oho shit, next thing I no she get one of her boobies and ask me too suck on it, I am thinking, result, so I go to suck on her tit, and as I do, just before I get there see pulls away, and leave me standing there in front of 250 men laughing there head off at me, and me felling a complete twat. How small did I fill, all I could do was turn around and witness the mayhem behind me.
- MrRemote0
So Canuck was there trying to take some pictures...
- OSFA0
These are awesome! MORE!!
- lackofcolor0
My first and only strip club experience.
Sitting with my friends and a stripper walks by and I say, "I know her she's in my class." I had just gone through transfer registration at a new school and she was in line with me all day throughout all the university bullshit. She certainly looked slutty and fake but stripper didn't come to mind for some reason.
Until I saw here vagina. I had another class with her after that she never said anything about it even though I gave her a dollar.
- ghandolf0
So I was Dallas for a conference and we decide to hit the strip clubs. We head over to Northwest Blvd, and get out of the cab and start bar trollin'...
The first place was '2 fer 1' and dead. We drank the first one and bailed with the second one to the place across the street. At this place, they served been in a mug, so after I drank that, I filled it up again under the table, with the beer from the previous place I had stashed in my coat. When I turned to look around, there was a Texas Ranger watching me. When I looked again, he was standing right behind me. He ordered me to put my hands on the table where he could watch them, and stand up, "...real slow-like...".
I stood up and he said that we were going out the back door. I don't know where the back door was and just started walking. There were suddenly about 4 guys in suits who cut me off and pointed me toward a door that opened onto an alley out back. I walked out the door into the high beam headlights of three cars parked facing the door. I hear...
"FBI - put your hands on the wall and spread your legs!"
They frisk me, interrogate me, and ask me a bunch of questions. Eventually they figure out I'm not the 'droids they we're looking for' and they let me go. Turns out they're looking for this dude that's been seen in this bar before... he's murdered and mutilated 3 people in the Texas panhandle, and he's from Ohio. They knew when I got into town, and it turned out, the manager of the strip bar had called them. They had pictures of this guy, and except for the mustache (the oldest trick in the book) I was a dead ringer for this guy.
I go back in the bar, and now I'm the most interesting thing in there. I go up to tip the ladies, and they want to know who those guys were that took me out of the bar, what did they want, where did they go, what did I do, etc. This whole time they are asking me questions... I'm feeling them up, touching their ass, fondling them etc... and I can hear the DJ yelling in the background over the P.A system, "Please don't touch the dancers!" and "Please keep your hands to yourself when tipping the ladies!", etc.
I figure, if the Texas Rangers don't want me, and the FBI just let me go, I'm golden.
Eventually the manager came over to the table and apologized for callin' the Feds on me, and said we could drink for free the rest of the evening there.
I was stopped three times that weekend by the authorities looking for this guy.
Good times, good times....
- sorry TBO, this one wins7point34
- Not too shabby...TheBlueOne
- this story is awesome. but you fail for not getting a "happy ending" with a stripper.sublocked
- OSFA0
maybe he IS the guy...
- No, no... the other dude had a mustache.blaw
- In the photos, the guy also had a nasty scar on his forehead I didn't have ... :pghandolf
- Let me guess, and an eye patch, too, right?
http://www.lootlady.…blaw
- b_electro0
Went down to LA for the first time about 4 years ago to DJ a record release party for a friend's band. The party was a huge success so naturally it was time to celebrate at the strip club. I had never been to such an establishment, and my boys knew it, so I knew I was in for it.
The lead singer of the band is the host of a well known Latino music video show and so when we got there, we were treated like total rock stars. The club, Spearmint Rhino, comp'd our admission and gave me a free lapdance. It was this big silly promotional coupon that basically screamed "newbie" when I slapped it down on the stage, instead of a real tip.
After sitting thru a few dances on the main stage, I was soon lead into the lapdance section by the lovely, muy caliente Maria who was fully convinced I was a "somebody," no matter how many times I told her I wasn't. My nervous chit-chat was abruptly cut short by the smothering of my face by her huge and awesome fake tits. I asked her about touching and she fully encouraged me to explore, ay papi! Things heated up quick, and I was pretty sure was getting more than the usual treatment. At the risk of this sounding too much like a Penthouse Forum story, I'll just say that my ending was happy, and Maria expertly used my underwear to clean herself up. WOAH! Never really seen that one done before...
My ego got even more inflated when I told my friends about it outside. They were all "Dude that sh*t never happens here!" Yeah well, you know how us superstar DJs roll ;-)
- OSFA0
so that's the trick? roll in with someone famous?
- chossy0
First time I went to a strip club, I picked this lassie that was well sexy I got a private booth dance for me and I totally got up and danced with her and took my top off and stuff it was well funny she was totally laughing her ass off, as was I but I had a stawnner as well.
- cannonball0
Went to this place called the King's Inn outside New Bedford.
Got super drunk and remember being like "wow even though I'm shithoused these girls still look huge".After like my sixth tequila this stripper comes up and I swear it was like all the other girls were like mini versions of her that fell out of her thighs to fetch her tips and whatnot. So she comes up to me and as her mass eclipses the spotlight I mutter to my friend something like why didn't we pick a better place etc.
So it turns out her boyfriend was sitting a ways back and didn't appreciate how I DIDNT act all enthusiastic when she cut off my leg circulation giving me a lap dance. We get into an argument and then he punches me. So we're standing there for like 10 seconds after he punches me and I can tell he hurt his hand on my skull, and I'm like whats your problem. He says "I... I really don't know man." He buys me a beer but I leave and for some reason as I'm leaving I see a line of squad waiting in the parking lot like they "hat the place surrounded" but they weren't going in. It was wierd.
- BrokenAC0
I guess i hafta share too. This is my only strip club story, from a few years ago. One of my musician friends met the drummer from War somehow. So drummer of War has a show in Vegas, but he's also booked another show in another city, a plane ride away. He's under contractual agreement not to book any other shows, so he has to keep it on the low low. He asks my friend to stay in his suite at Treasure Island and make it looked lived in while he's away for a day and a half rockin this other show. I'm the lucky friend who gets asked to roll with. End of the night our first night in Sin City, aroused from the sites and sounds of the strip, we decide to head to a strip club. Taxi driver suggests a reputable one. (i have very little strip club experience obviously) We roll in to this leopard skin black light world. So many dips. Old, young, short, fat, skinny and of course a few that were fine as fcuk. This one rolls girl by the only with glasses on (i wear glasses too) we both stare at each other for a hot minute. I pay for 2 lap dances from this girl with glasses,. (she is bomb btw) but then i realize if i just keep her talking while she's on my lap its like a free lap dance!! So i keep her talking for like 3 hours, till closing. She tells me her life story, which i won't tell here. I get her number, call her when i get back to LA. Crazy bomb phone sex, tells me she's wearing a bluetooth in the shower thinkin bout me. (yum P:) . A week later she drives to LA to go on a date with me Whoa. My friend is trippin, like "stripper's never do this" I meet her at bar by Knotts Berry Farm (far from my hood) play some pool, drink some beers, get in the car to take her back to her hotel. We end up goin at it like sex starved bunnies. She tells me to pull into this huge parking lot, and i end up doin loops at 2 miles an hour while she domes me. It was one of the best rock star moments of my short life. Invites me to stay in her hotel. We walk in and.... there's three really girls, 2 of which are her daughters and the other her 12 year old sister!! im like wtf in my head. I stay outwardly relaxed in my ead. We eat ice cream and talk while the kids watch cartoons. Shortly after she casually mentions that I should move to Vegas with her. And that i'd really like her kids. (!!) :o Needless to say the next morning i politely bounced back to LA and disappeared.
- Tungsten0
Montreal.
- scarabin0
just found this thread and thought it needed a bump
- Amicus0
So after winning a game of hockey (field hockey) in the infamous goldmining town of Kalgoorlie we decide to celebrate at one of the local not too dodgy pubs - the Foundry. The boss is on the team and buying drinks for everyone while we watch the skimpies.
Anyways, it turns out we picked the busiest pub in town cause they were hosting some touring strip show. The girls aren't too bad, the pub is noisy as fuck and we can see fuck all from our possies at the bar. We pick our way carefully through a mix of miners and bikies to get a better view and as we do a short, skinny girl comes on stage looking totally out of it. It takes me a full minute or so to realise that she's the designer I sit next to all day at work, mainly due to a wig and how shy and quiet she normally is.She's so fucking out of it that she doesn't even realise that she is almost wiping her boobs on the bosses face. Then she sees me and a glimmer of recognition goes through her obviously wacked out brain. She rips her G banger off (which is against the rules) and throws it into the crowd.
The next day at work she is obviously the worse for wear, I don't have a clue what to say and try to get on with my work. The boss stays downstairs in his office and she doesn't say a word 'til almost lunch time when she asks me how my weekend was. I reply, it was ok, we had a win and celebrated up at the Foundry.
As expected she gets a funny look on her face at this point and asks me how long we stayed. I told her we saw the whole show and she goes bright red, before telling me how she'd had a couple of snow cones and got chatting with the strippers earlier in the day. They'd suggested that she join them onstage and have some fun. I'm like holy fuck that doesn't seem like you at all. She then goes on to tell me how she's done shows at the bikies clubhouse before and hoped the boss hadn't realised it was her.
It turns out he'd hadn't, but he chose that moment to walk through the door and stood there with his mouth open. Eventually he tells us not to ever talk about it again cause his wife will kill him and we both end up with small pay rises. I also got a new desk at the other end of the office away from her.
I don't think the bosses wife, or my gf ever found out about that night. :)
- fooler0
I've been wearing my keys on a good climbing carabiner for about 10 years now. Not one of those cheap ones you buy at 7/11 that is stamped "NOT FOR CLIMBING" but a one specifically for climbing I got at REI and I've never ever had a key fall off the ring once in those 10 years.
Last week I stopped by a strip club after watching the NBA final game for a night cap and proceeded to a few private lap dances from some goth chick. After the dances I went back to the bar to finish my drink. Right before I was going to leave the goth stripper walks up to me and asks if I wanted another dance. I said no and I was about to leave. She waved my car keys in front of my face and said "not without these... Buy me a shot of jager and a lap dance and you can have them back". I quickly checked my key ring and sure enough she had them. I looked pissed and she smiled and feed me a line about how she "found" them in the couch and I was lucky to she "found" them. I ended up buying her, and I, a shot and bought another lap dance thinking she had done me a favor.
The next day it accrued to me that she totally stole them from me and if they didn't happen to be old beat up Saab keys she probably would have stole my car and left me to call a cab home.