Tales from the Strip...
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- fooler2
...Club.
Lets hear them. I've got a good one from last night.
- 7point340
i figured this was about landing strips and it turns out i wasn't entirely wrong
- kona0
well go on with it then. i just got a fresh box of kleenex and my dick ain't gonna fap itself...
- god, could you imagine?
man!
*daydreams gleefully7point34 - Don't you guys have something equivalent to a vibrator? Not blow-up dolls...something else?Jaline
- sheep? yes. i have a small herd in the spare bedroom.kona
- OK, Just curious.Jaline
- gym sockwaterhouse
- wife.zenmasterfoo
- good stuff there kona.cosmoo
- god, could you imagine?
- DrBombay0
dumpy Strip Joint, about 10-12 years ago, overweight puerto rican stripper's heel breaks, she falls on top of me sitting in one of those stacker chairs. chair legs fold and she is laying on top of me. She stands up and starts bitching at me, as if I tripped her and wasn't underneath her 200 lb ass. Funny stuff.
- hahahahaMimio
- all that, and for free? epic.tymeframe
- dumpy strip joint, overweight puerto rican 200 lb ass. lets hear what really happened.TechVector
- you married her didnt you?October
- ha hachossy
- OSFA0
oh, this a CALLES thread dawg...
- kona0
Point5 can tell you a pretty good one about the first time I met him in Vegas.
- waterhouse0
When my best high school buddy turned 18, a group of us went out to a strip club for cigars and lap dances. My friend came in his pants and drove home faster than off-duty cabbie.
- JackRyan0
I don't have any. I've never been to a strip club before...ever.
- morilla0
I can't say , for what would be told might be used to incriminate me.
- landock0
I got the best fucking strip club story ever! Let me set the scene. It's circa 1997. I'm maybe 19 years old and still can't legally drink in the U.S., so me and my buddies decide we need to go to Mexico where the tequila flows freely. We make the 3 hour journey and hit up a few bars to get things going. As the night progresses some of the guys start clamoring to see some tits. We all agree this would be great and thus set out to find a gentleman's club. It doesn't take long, because if you wander the streets of TJ for long enough you'll eventually run into some nice Mexican fellow handing out flyers for nude girls. They'll take you down some dark alley where you expect to get murdered but it will be some hole-in-the-wall strip club. So we go in and order some more drinks and sit back to watch the action. It's pretty standard stripper action but one thing we do notice is that you're allowed to be a lot more hands on down there. People are making out and girls are getting fondled every way you can imagine. Anyway, we're in one of the back rooms and we see this guy up at the front of the stage and he's apparently really into this girl because he keeps grabbing this girls crotch and trying to finger bang her as she performs. This goes on for most of her routine until she decides she's had enough. She dances up to front of the stage, picks up on of the guy's beer bottles and smashes it over his head. Without missing a fucking beat she resumes her dancing while this poor dude is bleeding all over the place. We decide to get the hell out of there before things get really crazy, but not before finishing our beers. All I remember thinking was, "I don't think she's going to get a lot of tips now".
- getting beer bottles smashed on your head by strippers is a fetish in MexBattleAxe
- mcLeod0
a "woman" named Bunny Glamazon ruined scrip clubs forever.
- fooler20
so last night me and my buddy go the strip club. We haven't seen each other for a few months so we wanted to get some drinks, shoot the shit, and see some boobies.
I go to the ATM to get some cash and I'm immediately bombarded by girls offering a private dance. I decline and say I just got here give me a few minutes to get my drink on. After a few more drinks more and more girls stop by for some chit chat working me for private dances. Asking what I did for a living, where Im from etc etc.
After a few drinks I finally oblige one and get a private dance and go back to our table.
Now it's on! It was like feeding pigeons! Once one knows you have something for her they come flocking! Finally after declining like 8 dances from 8 different girls the last once pops down for a chat.
I was sick of telling them that I was a designer and worked for an ad agency which led them to believe I was loaded so I lied and said I worked for the City. She asked me if I wanted a private dance and I politely declined. She asked if it was because I thought she was ugly and I politely said no even know she looked like Kim Deal. She asked if it was because I was to drunk and I politely said I wasn't to drunk I just wasn't interested. The she started saying I was what they call a VIP. A Very Intoxicated Person, even though I had only had 4 watered down drink. Then she asked if I didn't want a dance because I was gay and I politely said I wasn't gay I just wasn't interested in her. Then she started bitching at me about she was glad I worked for the city and got a good wage and that she hopes my pension is good because she wasn't going to be able to afford to retire making 2 or 3 bucks a song dancing on a pole and that she needed to make more money from guys doing private dancing. At this point I was done being polite since I was being lectured by a stripper and I said to her "maybe you should go to school, get an education and consider another career" with this smart ass look on my face. She gets up and the next thing I know I'm being asked to leave for harassing the girls. Total B.S. but I was done with that place anyway.
- TheBlueOne0
I have far too many, but here are two:
STORY ONE
There's this dumpy little strip bar in Yonkers NY we used to frequent. So one day, I open up my local paper to see that there was a murder in the place the night before, about an hour after we left. Sore loser in a pool game for money followed the winner into the men's room and then capped him in the skull while he was at the urinal. I call my buddy up, "Dude, did you read this in the paper about the guy getting killed?"
"Yeah. Crazy shit."
"Yeah."
"So what do you wanna do tonite?"
"Well, we could hit the strip bar?"
"Dude, that's nuts! A guy fucking died there last night!"
"I know. Can you think of a safer place to go?"
*silence
"Huh. You're right."
It was really creepy going to take a leak though.
STORY TWO
Dumpy strip bar in Stamford CT, 1994-ish. Sitting with my bud at a small table with a pitcher of beer, watching a couple of fine ladies make their rents. So in come a group of about six biker dudes. They grab some other tables up front, and one of them pretty soon starts making the lewd comments to one of the dancers. Words get exchanged. Then the biker dude reaches out and grabs dancer. Four bouncers descend on biker. Bikers gang up on bouncers. Full on bar brawl, straight out of the movies. Tables over turned, chairs breaking over guys backs. So my friend and I ran to the far wall, way out of the melee space, near the exit and watch this unfold. Just then I said "Oh shit dude - the pitcher of beer is still on our table!" Because we were both pretty hammered and this seemed to be the most vitally important thing at the moment. So my friend takes off through the melee, makes it to our table, grabs the pitcher - and then I swear my memory is like watching the Matrix here - he bobs and weaves through 12 guys fighting with the pitcher of beer above his head, contorting his body into all these weird shapes. He gets back to out wall. "Got it! Score!"
- OSFA0
hahaha!!!
YOU! OUT!
- ESPtype0
so my roomate has been going to the strip club with his coworkers after work for the past couple weeks. Then he comes back saying he got this polish girls email...and that he is in love. Of course I think this is pretty funny and tell him that she prolly just wants to get a green card. The next day he goes back to the strip club and finds out she got fired for sucking dick. I still think this is funny...
But he still emails her... and they end up meeting up, go out for drinks, and end up getting a hotel room. my roomate then tells me that about 5 min after the deed was done, she tells him that she has a husband and a kid that she needs to get home too.in the last week she has been calling him everyday to tell him that she told her husband about him and that she wants to leave him but she has 8 months left to get her green card.
- jerk0
A buddy of mine and i head to downtown strip club. we arrive between performers and take a seat in sniffers row. except my seat has a pen on it. a normal length, but fat, silver metallic shaft pen, with a pen clip and a top portion that screws off. but for the life of me i can't figure out how to get the 'nib' part to come out. so we order a beer, and as we wait i hand the pen to my friend but he can't figure it out either. finally the guy comes over the pa, "gentlemen, put your hands together for the lovely so and so...". she starts doing her first of four songs dance routine, twirling around, but i'm still stumped by the pen. our beers arrive, the stripper is still dancing and i'm still trying to figure out the pen. then, BOOM. a huge blast explodes out of the 'pen', a large bright blue flare shoots out of it, hit the ceiling and lands on the stage about a few feet away from the lovely so and so. i'm speechless. there's a huge cloud of smoke, i'm coughing and my hand is throbbing. finally the smoke clears and i see the stripper, stopped dead, looking at me in total shock, my buddy looking at me with wtf on his face and two large bouncers on either side of me. my palm is cut to shit and bleeding, so i say, "i think i need to go wash this up". i get up and head to the can and wash my hand which has a few good size cuts and a burn. moments later my buddy comes in and says, 'we gotta go'. yah no shit. we leave, unharmed amazingly, (except for my hand) and head to another strip club off in the burbs. turns out that someone left a pocket flare on the seat for me to find. i really hope that some guy left it there then sat in the back row to watch some poor twat come in and set it off. funny shit.
all 100% true.
- TheBlueOne0
OK, a couple more. All true. Swear on the bible. This is Strip Bar related, although all action takes place outside of a strip bar.
STORY THREE
So another less dumpy strip joint also in Yonkers NY, early90's. By this point in our lives we were like strip bar pros. If you want to pick up the ladies, we know not to sit at the bar, but take a back table, rarely tip, and when you do, just say "No no baby..you don't have to dance private, we can just talk for a bit." Worked 80% of the time. And it helped we were all long haired rock dudes in a place with fat overweight slobs. Like I said early 90's.
So my buddy ends up striking up a conversation with this one girl "Amber." She was cute. Young looking. So we take her and her friend out for breakfast after the place closes at 4am. My friend ends up dating Amber for a while. So a few weeks later he calls me up and invites me to go along with him to Amber's birthday party at her place. So off we go.....
Turns out the party is at her moms place. So it's like this AMber chick, her mom, her brother and her fat dumpy friend who apparently she was going to set me up with. Well, the Blue One shut that down pretty quick, which led to some awkward moments making pleasantries with Dumpy Girl. But anyway, Amber grabs my friend by the hand and runs into her bedroom in the back of the apartment.
Meanwhile I sit there with Dumpy Girl. Mom and Bro. They're all chit chatting as Mom frosts cake. And then Mom yells out "Amber, you'd better be using a goddamn condom!"
Huh. That was, um, abrupt.
So then back to cake frosting and chit chatting and then Mom yells out "Amber, Birthday Cake!"
So, Amber comes running out of the back room, pulling on her T-shirt, with my friend sheepishly walking out behind her, adjusting his belt. Amber rushed over and kisses her Mom, to whit Mom says "You go brush your teeth first! You were just sucking his cock and now you kiss your mother with that mouth?!"
I stare at my friend, he looks at me and he shrugs and raises his eyebrows.
Huh.
OK, then some candles, cake, etc..and then the phone rings and Amber picks it up...
"Hello...what....when? WHEN??? OH no!!! OH NOOOOO!!! I KILLED HIM!!!! I KILLED DAVID!!!...."
She lets the phone drop, and runs back to her bedroom as her brother picks the phone off the floor. Turns out that an old High School friend of Amber's just drove an ATV int a tree or something and died. Amber comes rushing out with this little pink girly notebook and she has a page open with some picture of a stick figure and a tree and a smiley face with a tear..and she's crying and hyperventialating "I...I....dreamed..this is my dream journal...look [points at stick figure] that's David! DAVID!! I dreamed this!! Last night and here...here's the tree!! He drove into the tree because I dreamed it!!! I KILLED HIM!!! My dream did this!! Look mommy I killed David!!"
OK, so at this point my friend and I are making the eye contact and head movements that it's time to get the fuck out of this crazy lunatic house. We make some excuse to get something from the car, ran outside, took off down the street and never went back.
To this day, this is known as "The Amber Story".
It was around this time that I decided to stop trying to date strippers.
- why isn't your life a movie? jesus, hahahahaha fucking awesome7point34
- I wonder about this myself sometimes..TheBlueOne
- it started off like that scene in Made, but ended so much better7point34
- That's so awesome dude. Dream journals are the shitlandock
- amazing. emukid should produce your film.Point5
- MOM!!!! The Meatloaf!!!!OSFA
- gold... and stolen.pr2
- 7point340
nothing as entertaining as some of the others stories, but one time i went with my buddy scott. the kid is one of the funniest fuckers i know, but not usually on purpose. kind of the laughing at him type. he is a royal cheapskate and kinda a dick, but he is fairly good looking and is in shape and has tattoos. so this badboy image makes the girls fawn all over him.
but he is cheap. so he is sitting there at the stage watching these girls put their pussy pretty much right in his face and he has this look on his face, just staring through them like a business guy at a board meeting, his chin resting in the palm of one hand. they all get to point where their done dancing for you and pull up their garters so you can put the dollar in. well, they would dance for them and he glare at them like this and give them a look like, "that wasn't worth my dollar, bitch. do it again" i was almost in tears. if it weren't for the young coked up crotches gyrating in my face i would have been content just to watch him. seriously hilarious. and he did this to almost every girl.
and ofcourse the girls were eating it up, me and my friends all got offered a few dances here and there and we turned them down, but he had girls coming out of the woodwork for him, there was one point where he had line behind him of strippers aching to give him a dance. he couldn't have cared less. funnier than all hell.
we nicknamed him "cuntnip"
- fooler20
that wasn't the first time I've been asked to leave a club...
A few years ago me and another buddy went to a sunday afternoon NBA game. Of course we started drinking way before the game, snuck beers into the game and cut my hand up pretty bad trying to twist off a non twist off. Continued to drink during the game and a bit after. Then we had the great idea to go to the strip club.
We walk into the club on an early sunday and we were the only 2 patrons in the joint. It was a cold wintery day and the rack we where sitting at was right next to the door so the girls would get completely naked and was dancing with t-shirts on flashing a boob every once in awhile. I guess I wasn't tipping very much because the dancer and the waitress asked if I needed singles more than a few times. After being asked that the few times I told the girl "you have to work for my money honey" and as soon as I said that I felt the bouncers hand on my shoulder and "YOU OUT NOW". Then as I'm being led out my leg gets wrapped around the chair I was sitting on and me and the chair are getting drug out together.
HAHAHA.
- TheBlueOne0
Like I said, I have too many, so here's a few synopsis:
4) The time we sat at a bar and the guy next to us started up a conversation. When we asked what he did he said "My name is Thor and I live an alternative medieval lifestyle." We moved seats a minute later.
5) The night the hottest girl in the place hit on me and insisted I drive her home. I readily agreed.By her third time on the stage my friend came up behind me and whispered in my ear "Dude, did you see her legs?" "Yeah, hot!" "No, no..look closer...um..needle marks." Yup. Sure enough needle marks behind both her knees. Ah. Wasn't about to play patty cake with anyone that dances with Mr. Brownstone, if you catch my drift. But by this point it's 3:30am, snowing out and the girl is done and now has no ride home. Now I always tried to be a gentleman, no matter how what sleazy level I some how got to. So I keep my word to drive the girl home. We get out to my car and say "OK, where do you live?" "The Bronx." "OK, great, where?" "I don't know, I'm staying at one of the other girl's houses. I just got here from Pittsburgh last night. It's somewhere off of Pelham Parkway. I think.." I now bury my head in my hands.
So I take off figuring I can drive around Pelham Parkway and maybe she'll see something that looks familiar. The whole time she is crawling all over me, grabbing and clutching. I am squirming trying to keep her off of me. Eventually we find the place, and I excuse myself from any touchy feely things, give her a kiss on the cheek, get her number and say "I'll call you tomorrow..." [yeah. right]. She gets out, I take off down the street. Now I'm so tired and distracted and it's snowing and crazy shit. And I'm driving straight off this side street into Pelham Parkway when suddenly I realize my car is sliding. Breaks, useless. I am now staring at traffic I am about to drive headfirst into that's zipping by at 50mph. I am about to die, I throw the emergency break on. I throw the automatic transmission into fucking park. Anything. Whatever I can do. And somehow, luckily, I get the car stopped inches form the traffic. But the transmission made an evil, evil sound. I start driving and again and the car is making all these evil grinding noises.
The transmission actually lasted another four months before falling out.
- If you can tell from my stories I no longer frequent strip bars. They have ill effects on my health and livelihood.TheBlueOne
- more stories please...e-pill