Hahahaha I;'m funny
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- ********0
A man walks into a bar and sees a man with a tiny head about the size of an orange.
He asks the bartender what had happened to the man.
The bartender says, "Well, he was on a beach and saw a beautiful mermaid."
"The mermaid swam up to him and offered him a single wish."
Unfortunatly, the man replied "How about a little head?"
- that can be told much, much better than that.********
- yup, with use of expletives.Jaline
- that can be told much, much better than that.
- chossy0
a guy walks into a bar
gets a pint
the barman says cheers and says to another guy at the bar do you want another pint donkey
donkey shakes his head
the barman says come on donkey
the guy shakes his head
the barman says ok donkey donkey doo doo
the guy who walked into the bar turns to donkey and says why does he call you donkey
the guy turns round and says hee aw hee aw hee aw he always calls me that.
- Llyod0
what did the mother say to to michael jackson at the beach?
get out of my son.
- thumb_screws0
why does michael jackson like 26 year olds?
there is 20 of them
- ********0
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks.He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports car so she could zip through traffic around town.
He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.
"Look!" she said. I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."
For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
- 7point340
why did the girl fall off her bike?
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because she had no legs
- ********0
So a man and a young boy are walking in the woods, and they keep going farther, and farther, and dusk becomes night and sure enough it looks as if the trees are alive and everything is getting very creepy.
After an owl screech, the young boy says, "I'M SCARED!!!"
And the guy goes, "You think you're scared?! I got to walk back alone!"
- < classicRaniator
- lol********
- For some reason I am always glad when you approve Mr. Ranford.********
- ********0
SO A BABY SEAL WALKS INTO A CLUB!
* BLAP *
- nib1010
Newly married couple on their wedding night:
She says:- 'I have a confession to make. I used to be a hooker.'
He says:- 'Thanks for your honesty. I find the fact strangely erotic and arousing, please tell me more.'
She says:- 'My name was Mick and I played for Wigan Warriors.'
- tasty0
what's the worst thing about having sex with little kids?
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getting the blood out of your clown suit.
- mistermik0
Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
Because they don't have balls.
- 7point340
A boy in the sixth grade comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face.
She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?"
"Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!"
The mother is stunned.
"You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."
Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher."
"That's right, Dad."
"Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for."
"That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me."
- voiceof0
all ages and cheesy:
Two ducks are walking down the street, the first duck says "Quack"
The other duck looks at him and says "I was just about to say that"What's the difference between "beer" nuts and "deer" nuts? Beer nuts are about $8 a pound, deer nuts are under a buck.
- Thank you so very much you just made my day with these jokes.********
- Thank you so very much you just made my day with these jokes.
- ********0
What's the difference between an Irish Funeral and an Irish Wedding?
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One less drunk!
- ********0
An impossibly thin and shy man called Pedro had never had very many luck with girls until he decided to wear several layers of t-shirts and sweaters and put on a more aggressive attitude towards life and people in general. Eventually, he met this girl called Maria and, being both very Christian, the problem of undressing himself and making love never arose itself until their wedding-night. As Maria lay in bed waiting for him, all his old fears and memories of rejection suddenly started to came back to his mind - but he, in a last desperate bout of courage, considered: "it's now or never! let's do this" he mumbled with a weird cringe of his teeth. So he undressed, gathered speed, and jumped into bed as soon as he crossed the door's threshold, landing in a portentous manly fly over the naked body of Maria with a spectacular "Ta-da!!!!!!".
At that instant, an horrific shrill shout was heard through the entire house: "AAAAAaaaaah, Pedro, come fast - the Crucifix has fallen over me!"
- ********0
http://www.qbn.com/topics/418435…
With a para clarification: http://www.qbn.com/topics/418435…And another bear joke:
http://www.qbn.com/topics/418435…:D
- 7point340
Comments made by teachers on their student report cards...
1. Since my last report, your child has hit rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your child is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead
- stoplying0
Two guys staring at a tree.
One guy says, "That tree looks like a greek urn".
Other guy asks, "What's a greek urn?"
Guy one replies, "About $5 an hour."*realizes that typing jokes stinks