Maxim.
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- flavorful
So, I get an e-mail from my buddy at work informing me not only has my joke been printed in Maxim, but that it's been butchered as well.
First of all, the joke only works verbally. I'll try and put in ** why...
The Real Version:
So a Polar Bear walks into a bar, and the Bartender says, "Hey, Polar Bear can I get you a drink?"
The Polar Bear responds, "Yea, I'll have a gin ....
and
.... tonic."
Bartender looks at him a little weird and goes, "Sure thing Polar Bear, but what's up with the big pause?"
The Polar Bear goes, "I don't know .... I'VE HAD THEM MY WHOLE LIFE!!!"
* And as you say that line, you bring your hands up palms facing you and you look down like they are monstrosities. *
--
Childish? Yes.Funny? If you like puns, you'll love this.
However:
Here is Maxim's Version of the classic Polar Bear joke:
A bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have a rum...and Coke".
The bartender says "Why the long pause?"
The bear says "I've always had these".***
A "bear"? Just a "bear"? Where is the style at people?POLAR BEAR MAKES THE JOKE! It adds to the ridiculousness!!
Also ... "Rum and Coke"?
No.
2 Syllables are needed after the long pause. Ton-IK.
FUCKING HACKS!#!##!
AHHHHHH!!!!
Now whoever reads that stupid magazine is going to butcher the joke.
[ End Rant. ]
- mr_snuggles0
haha, I get it, long baws....hah, long baws!
- paraselene0
also it doesn't work if you say LONG you have to say BIG!
fucking hacks.
:E
- uberdesigner_0
that magazine is for unadventurous highschoolers
- flavorful0
Oh man, my head is going to fucking explode noticing they wrote "long pause".
WHAT THE FUCK!?!
- harlequino0
My guess for an explanation:
1. Count the CokeĀ® ads in Maxim.
2. Polar bear...Polar baverages...see where I'm going??
I can picture the joke though.
Fu
nny!
- jamble0
I don't know why you're that worried, it's hardly "your" joke is it?
- Sven_sk0
maxim is quite possibly one of the dumbest magazines in existence.
- flavorful0
I don't know why you're that worried, it's hardly "your" joke is it?
jamble
(Aug 18 06, 06:30)That should have read "my favourite".
I tell this joke all the time.
It's like watching your child get raped.
- Sven_sk0
It's like watching your child get raped.
flavorful
(Aug 18 06, 06:39)kinky. you re a sick bastard.
- flavorful0
"I can't believe I just wasted 15 mins of my time reading this
Dear lord what I wouldn't give to have that 15 mins back in my life again "
- My one buddies response as I forwarded him what I wrote here, haha.
Thought it mite be apt.
Perhaps I am going off the deep end on this.
- k0na_an0k0
hahahahahhaha!
Your joke is WAY better flavorful! I'm using that this weekend....
*long pause
..... more than once.
- 5lblunker0
Maxim is a homophibic magazine and Gin and Tonic has traditionally been a gay drink - but not always of course. Rum and Coke just sounds "manlier."
- paraselene0
i think you are perfectly justified, flava. there is nothing worse than a butchered joke. things ought to be done properly. jamble just hates all of mankind.
- gramme0
This reminds me of that foo fighters video where dave grohl has these ginormous hands and smacks everybody.
haha...my fiancee will get a kick outta that joke (with footnotes to you, flava flav!)
- paraselene0
and your freedom.
- Beeachboy0
- My one buddies response as I forwarded him what I wrote here, haha.
---------------
have you only the one...
joke!
- flavorful0
ZING! Hahaha.
- TheBlueOne0
Oh my god..Maxim is the worst..they mangled your joke to turn it into a product placement for Coke? That's weak..and you know, considering Coke did all those ads with Polar Bears in it, they shoulda left it as "polar bear"...what a bunch of dumb rigamaroons. They wouldn't know clever if they were beaten with a clever stick.
- flavorful0
Haha thanks kOna, just remember "big pause", and you have them too boot to add to the joke, haha.
---
Here's another "bear" joke, that is nowhere near as classic as the Polar Bear Joke, however, why not write this one down too.
---So a Panda Bear walks into a pub, and sits at the bar. It's a nice pub, kind of classy and even has someone playing piano in the background.
So the barkeep puts a coaster down and goes, "Hey Panda Bear, what'd you have this evening?"
Panda Bear responded, "No drinking tonite my good man, however, I would like some chips."
Barkeep says sure thing, comes back a little later with the chips, the Panda eats them while enjoying the ambience and asks for the check.
After leaving a hefty tip on just chips, the Panda Bear thanks the barkeep and heads for the door, but before leaving he turns to the man playing the piano and pulls out a gun and shoots him dead.
The music has obvioulsy stopped, and everyone is in shock.
The barkeep in horror exclaims, "Panda Bear!? Why in the world did you shoot my Piano Man?!"
The Panda blows the smoke from the gun and simply says, "I'm a Panda, look it up", and exits stage left.
Still in shock, the barkeep frantically looks for a phone to call the police, however, he eyes a dictionary in the process and looks up Panda Bear, the people at the bar crowd around as he puts his finger under the definition as says aloud,
"Panda Bear: Eat chutes and leaves."
- HumanMale0
It's like watching your child get raped.
flavorful
(Aug 18 06, 06:39)
----------------------Bit of a harsh analogy don't you think?
You obviously don't have children.