Random Crazy Stories
- Started
- Last post
- 77 Responses
- -sputnik-0
oh yes. my friend's parents had 2 stores there and she had gone into one of them (women's clothing) and freaked them out too!
- ********0
This girl and I were going to pick up some last minute Christmas items for the season a few years back, and I decided I was going to get my brother a stereo but needed to find one that had a tape deck too, since he has a lot of tapes.
So we go to Best Buy and I see one, and just pick it up and start walking away - and as we are talking, I hear, "That is my fucking stereo. You fucking stole my stereo."
To which I immediately start laughing, and turn around to see what kind of rationale human being is yelling at me now.
He then proceeds to yell at the top of his lungs about how he was asking a question to a sales rep, and I just came in while they were talking and took the last one.
I really do not know what to think at this point, because there are tons of people in the store as it is Christmas and this guy is acting like he got raped by the Grinch.
I go, "Look buddy, I don't know what to tell you but maybe there is another one at another store. This is what I wanted to get my brother, so if you want it ... the price just doubled."
I think all he heard was, "Go fuck yourself and swallow prostate milk from an AIDS dick." because the hilarious response was epic.
"WIPE THAT FUCKING SMILE OFF OF YOUR FACE YOU FUCKING LITTLE SHIT! THIS IS AN ENGAGEMENT PRESENT TO MY FIANCE!"
* This is when the girl who I was with ran away to hide behind another aisle.
I fucking lose it. Just lose it. And am going, "If you think this is a good idea for an engagement present, I am doing you a favour buddy, haha!"
Now this guy is about in his 30's, not overtly jacked but next to me I can see why he feels pretty confident (or the simple fact he is just crazy).
He is boiling. Face is turning red, he is kind of shaking - I have seen this countless times in my life, he is going to attack me.
So I figure I might as well get a few more verbal jabs in to make it worth my while by going, "Do you even have electricity in your trailer for this?", "I don't think this store accepts food stamps.", "You should see your face right now it looks uglier than usual."
People at this point have begun to stop and are laughing, and he is just standing there fuming. And I hear, "Jer, seriously I am scared can we please get out of here."
So I say sure thing, happy holidays to everyone and walk to the cash registers. But like holding the stereo in such a way that if I hear him coming for me I can either drop it, or turn and swing with it, haha. No dice (fortunately) as he is now pleading with the Best Buy guy there (who said nothing the entire time except for a few laughs) to get the manager to make me give him the stereo, haha.
Now I thought I was paying attention, but I guess in talking with the people in line, and being in a generally good mood with everyone after that I figured that little tirade was over. Nope.
He is at the door going, "If you even try and put that in your car, I am beating your little skinny ass and taking it."
Not in his usual crazy manner either, but quite matter of factly. Again, I have seen this countless times, and I was wrong before so I start laughing some more and go, "Your fiance wanted a stereo, and all you are going to want for Christmas are your two front teeth if you try and pull a stunt like that buddy."
Where is the girl? She again ran away, this time to my car and is sitting in the passenger seat with it all the way back, hahaha.
So this whole time, the Best Buy staff is just laughing it up, even Security at the door is laughing at the guy. So I walk right by him, tell him where I am parked and what kind of car I have and to think about what would Baby Jesus do in a situation like this.
Nothing happened, I just walked by him and see her in my car with her hands over her face.
I get in the car laughing telling her thanks for the back up and she starts ranting about how everytime we go out something like this happens, and she hates confrontation, yadda yadda yadda.
Short story extremely long - my brother loved it, but it did not even work so I had to take it back anyway, haha.
- Jaline0
lol @ sputnik. I totally believe you. That woman has had her moments recently.
- -sputnik-0
yeah..this was probably like 10 years ago, maybe 8. she really embodied the term "skank" and then when i'd see her on tv looking clean and pretty i'd laugh my ass off
- Jaline0
Short story extremely long - my brother loved it, but it did not even work so I had to take it back anyway, haha.
flavorful
(Jul 13 07, 08:16)LOL
I would've acted the same way the girl with you did, but also laughing (while dodging the confrontation).
- spendogg0
A tape player for an engagement gift - hahahhaha. Isnt that what the fucking ring is for?
- ********0
Two apartments ago, I had a nice enough downstairs neighbour (and his girlfriend), but it became apparent that he was a psycho. Though to my credit, I probably drove him completely over the edge, haha.
I have this alarm clock, but it plays CD's - it is flippin' sweet! So I would set it up to have Dip Set play to get me up and in a good mood to start the day. Now unfortunately I would forget to turn it off on the weekends, and I would usually be at someone else's place or out of town.
So the first time I get a note about turning off my music, blah, blah, blah.
I actually try to remember, but you know sometimes I don't come home from work on a Friday, or I don't come home on Thursday to do so (leaving it on Friday morning, haha) - I never know what is going to happen in the day, I don't like planning and like things to be spontaneous.
A few of my friends were over one weekend, and they were some sleeping all over Pittsburgh but my one friend said he wanted to see my place so we went back to crash pretty late (or early like 3AM). I get woken up at about 6:15 in the morning to banging on my back deck. I of course was sleeping sprawled out on my living room floor with all the lights on, and it is my neighbour, so I open the door and am like, "Is everything alrite, is there a fire?"
"DO YOU HEAR YOUR FUCKING MUSIC JEROME! YOUR FUCKING MUSIC MAKE IT FUCKING STOP!"
Me unconciously bopping my head to the beat is not helping, and asking him why he didn't just knock on the front door ... apparently he tried for 15 minutes. My deck also by the way was not really attached to anything so he had to gymnast his way up there (which ... not really safe from burglars I guess, haha). I tell him I will turn it off, and to just cool off and I'll turn it off ... there is my friend sleeping on my bed right next to the alarm ... it might as well have been a gentle breeze, haha.
See I had shut the door on him, and when I walked back out he was still there. So I do the like hand thing miffed as to why he is still there. And he goes, "We need to talk." I open the door back up, he gets everything out of his system ... telling me how I would like it if he did this to me, I tell him I wouldn't mind because it is an apartment and kind of expect things like this to happen from time to time. Wrong answer. Goes on about how the neighbour before me was nice and quiet, blah, blah, blah. Then he comes up with the bright idea that he when he gets up for work he will come and wake me up and we'll have coffee. As a jackass I tell him that is a great idea, but I don't drink coffee so I will just have chocolate milk. He thens goes on how everything is a big joke to me and how it would be a big joke if he came in and beat my ass.
I laugh some more and tell him if he takes one step into my place I am picking him up and throwing him over the balcony. This balcony is about a good 50 feet from the ground into some woods overlooking Pittsburgh by the way, haha. He mutters some inane babble and asks if he can at least go out my front door, I tell him to get fucked and close the door and go to sleep on the couch - noticing that a slew of lights from other apartments were on and people were on their balconies watching this all transpire (but not my cousin and the friends that crashed at his place, as he lived directly across the "valley" as they were all passed out [side note: that was awesome]).
We (my friends and I) all have a good laugh about this the next day at the bar getting lunch, apparently my friend wasn't asleep after I turned the music off and heard the whole thing and was trying not to laugh the entire time.
So weeks go by, no problems ... until one day I am watching a movie on a Saturday afternoon after getting in and I hear a knock on my door.
I am in a pair of shorts, and open it up and it is him, in a suit and tie and his work bag. I ask him what's up, and he goes, "You know what is up you inconsiderate little fuck." Then proceeds to slam his bag off the wall going crazy. Then is just staring at me huffing and puffing, I laugh, ask him if he is done. He then goes on about how his girlfriend can't sleep, I am driving him insane, and wants to take it outside.
I ask him why in the world would I want to get in a fight, he starts calling me a pussy, a little guy, the whole nine. I just put my arms up on the door and tell him to leave before he does something stupid, "LIKE WHAT? DRIVE YOUR HEAD INTO A PARKED CAR OVER AND OVER AGAIN! I'LL GO TO JAIL! I DON'T CARE!" slight pause, "I KNOW WHY YOU AREN'T SCARED! YOU PROBABLY HAVE A GUN IN THE HOUSE, I KNOW YOU HAVE A GUN IN THE HOUSE, NO ONE YOUR SIZE CAN FIGHT SO YOU TRY AND EVEN IT UP! I SEE YOUR FRIENDS COMING IN AND OUT ALL HOURS OF THE NITE, YOU NEVER WORK, YOU'RE A DRUG DEALER!"
I laugh some more, tell him I'm not a drug dealer but a computer nerd, and what in the world can I do to make him happy at this exact moment. "BEATING YOUR FACE IN!" I tell him that is not going to happen, anything else? "I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME YOUR FUCKING ALARM CLOCK, SO I CAN SMASH IT WITH A BASEBALL BAT!!"
"Great Idea!", I say. "Constructive, and you can get all your aggression out, that is a really good idea. Would that make you happy?"
Complete 180 ... he kind of calms down and he is excited, telling me how he can't wait, it would make him happy, and how he wants me to watch. So right when he is in an awkward state of enraged happiness I inform him, "Haha no man, I just wanted to see what would make you happy. I am not giving you my alarm clock, haha."
He kicks the wall, punches the wall, breaks the screen door, comes within an inch of my face yelling, "I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"
I asked him if he was done, because I am sure a neighbour has called the cops by now and he should probably either go downstairs with his ugly girlfriend, or take a long walk to cool the fuck out. He then starts talking in some kind of language that to this day I have no idea, I do not know if it was Polish, if Polish is even a language, if it was some other Eastern European, or Lebanese - I have no idea what this guy is made up of, outside of hair and either a short fuse, or a long fuse that has just finally hit.
He walks out the broken door mumbling, I tell him he forgot his bag but he doesn't respond. I walk back in my place and go, "What a fucking a lunatic ... ah man ... the movie is over!" I had missed the last 45 minutes of the movie that was on cable because he was crying like a baby. So, I think nothing of this whole tirade and figure I'll get ready for the day and then head out. After I get out of the shower and I am on my way out, I hear a knock again.
I open the door expecting him with said baseball bat, but it is his girlfriend. "I am sorry, he is pretty protective of me so when I get upset he goes insane. Please accept my apology and don't come back with your friends." I lose it again. Tell her that if I wanted to make him bite the curb I would have done it myself, and that she has absolutely nothing to worry about, I have already put it under the bridge and chalked it up to me waking the two of them up at 6 in the morning on a Saturday.
She then informs me that she contacted the landlord, which I assume was to bitch about me.
...
They asked to get out of their lease and were going apartment shopping the next day, and if I could find it in my heart to try and not send him over the edge anymore while they were still there, haha.
The moral of the story is ... everything works out in the end, if you are me.
- spendogg0
Although i have mixed feelings about you Jerome, you do seem like a funny fucker.
If you work at it maybe empathy and respect could be part of your life.
- CALLES0
flavor, thats fucking histerical! the funnier thing is that just random similar unprovocked shit like that happens to me too
- grunttt0
FLAVORFUL - YOU'VE DONE IT NOW. THAT GUY WAS ME. I KNEW I'D CATCH UP WITH YOU ONE DAY MOTHERFUCKER. I GUESS FRIDAY THE 13TH IS UNLUCKY FOR YOU. YOUR ASS IS GRASS!!!
*pops in "Beverly Hills Cop Soundtrack" tape. Fast forward, stop, fast forward, stop, fast forward, stop, eject, flip, fast forward, stop, fast forward, stop, rewind all the way to the begining, play (shit!), fast forward, stop, fast forward, stop, fast forward, stop, eject, flip, rewind, stop, fast forward, stop, rewind for just a second, stop, fast forward for just 1/2 second, play, eject, looks at tape, notices it's "beverly hills cop 2 soundtrack" throws tape against wall, dents trailer wall, finds "beverly hills cop 1 soundtrack, play, fast forward, stop, fast forward, stop, eject, flip, rewind, stop, rewind, stop, rewind, stop, fast forward, stop, rewind for 2 seconds, stop, fast forward for 1 second, stop, play "The Heat Is On" by Glen Frey
THE HEAT IS ON NOW MOTHERFUCKER!!!
- Point50
flavorful, you had me at 'Dip Set'
- Jaline0
I can't believe I read that entire thing.
Oh, and the best part was how he thought you drinking chocolate milk was a joke. Yeah, whatever. If you ever need me to testify in court for that accusation, I will ;)
- ********0
hahaha. :D
- k0na_an0k0
also yesterday.
during the interview i was being shown around the office and we passed the washrooms, i said 'if you don't mind i'm going to use the washroom real quick' and she handed me her id badge saying i'd need it to get out of the bathroom.
i guess it's a community bathroom thing with two doors, one of the doors leading into the office.
so anyways, i'm in there doing my business in front of the urinal and for some odd reason i was like... 'wwfd?' yes. what would flavorful do? so i took her badge and gave it a few good rubs on the twins.
when i exited the washroom i handed her back the badge and just kind of giggled to myself.
now. as you probably imagined, i did NOT do this... but the funny part of this story is that we all KNOW flavorful would.
HAHAHAH!
laugh at me for thinking about it while i was pissing, but i just started laughing to myself thinking 'ya know... flavorful would totally rub this badge all over his junk right now'
hahahah!
- CALLES0
once i went out blacked out and woke up in a hospital with a guy in green screaming at me... when my eyes finally focus it was the guy nurse screaming cuz apparentl they left me alone... i was still out of it so i go up to go to the bathroom but i guess i managed to go into the hospital managers office pissed all oiver the desk and went back to bed..... nurse was mad mad
- ********0
YOU HAVE ALL HANDLED MY ASS PENNIES!!!!
hahahha, kOna. What you are talking about works well with this UCB clip, hahah.
It gives me the edge ... I mean hey ... I never touched anything that rubbed against their junk!
I'd like to think I wouldn't do something like that - but I would definitely think about it like you did, hahaha.
I HAVE BEEN STICKING 30 DOLLARS OF PENNIES UP MY ASS EVER DAY FOR 11 YEARS!!!
- rylamar0
So about 7 years ago my friend has this British girlfriend who was kinda snobby but we had to deal with her because he was a super fun guy to hang out with.
Anyway, she calls us one day and says that there is a small tree near her parents pool that they think has caused one of the PVC pipes to bust because it has flooded all around the ground there and they'd like the guys to come dig it up. The first thing I tell her is that maybe her mom needs to not be a cheap ass and call a professional to come dig up her fucking tree and take a look at her pool. Well that ain't happening apparently so the 4 of us and her agree to go over there.
We get there and the fucking ground is sinking in, we're trying to dig up some fucking tree that we shouldn't while her mom annoys the shit out of us the whole time, and we feel like were about to do more damage and we don't wanna be responsible.
Well, my friend Colin stops to sneaze and ends up blowing this 5-6 inch long snot string across his hand. He's just laughing and staring at it, then us, then it. Knowing Colin and his reputation to wipe something like that on the nearest friend I jump away instantly. As I jump away the Brit, in her snobby accent says, "Oh my God, that is disgusting!". Wrong thing to say. Now this is a very proper British girl who hates her boyfriends friends I might add.
So Colin looks at his hand, looks at her, and then pulls his hand back and BAM!!! Slings it at her. It fucking lands on her face from one side of her forehead down across to the other side of her mouth, the whole snot string intact!
Have you ever seen something that immediately made you laugh and shocked you at the same time to where your mouth opens and nothing comes out? That's what happened to me. I just stood there with my mouth open while she looked as if she was melting, mouth agape and no sound coming from her either.
She turns and runs inside and as soon as she's inside we all look at each other, her boyfriend too, and start laughing harder than I have laughed to this day. He started punching Colin while laughing saying, "I have to make it look like I'm pissed".
When she finally came outta garage later after probably bleaching her face the first thing she sees is me laying in the driveway laughing so damn hard. I had tried to leave the yard but I fell in the driveway because my abs hurt so bad I couldn't walk anymore.
God, to this day I still haven't laughed that hard.
- CALLES0
HAHA... you gotta love those crazy proper snobby brits
- spendogg0
nice one rylamar
similar story - when i was in grade school we were all playing 4 square and i phlemed up the grossest nasty spit ever and spit it towards the server, just as i spit he started saying something to another player and wham! all the grossness landed in his mouth - all of it! he was like a deer in headlights, then he started running around clawing at his mouth trying to get it out. Finally he stopped caught his breath and started puking. Rarely have i laughed that hard.
- joyride0
flav is the dude that if you're not friends with him, you hate em' when you see him acting up. But if you do know him, you laugh you're ass off and almost feel bad for the other people. I've got a buddy like that in Chi' town.