Need jokes
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- ********0
These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
- gruntt0
A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, “Mummy, why is my name Petal?”
The mother replied, “Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head.”The next baby walked up and asked, “Mummy why is my name Rose?” she replied,
“Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head.” The last baby walked up to her and said, “BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY.”
The mother replied, “Please be quiet, Fridge.”
- Jaline0
haha
- mangosnot0
What do you call a black man that flys a plane?
A PILOT, YOU F*CKING RACIST.
- Jaline0
lol
this thread is too much
- vburo0
i was jsut gonna make that joke, mangosnot.. only mine was about a pianist.. oh well..
- mangosnot0
i was jsut gonna make that joke, mangosnot.. only mine was about a pianist.. oh well..
vburo
(Apr 25 05, 12:27)
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ahh, sorry to cut ya short man...
- ********0
Congratulation!!
JazX has reached (just over) 29000 PVN Responses... Nice one hehe
Bahiatronic
(apr 25 05, 12:26)that's a real joke hahhaa
- NegativeSpace0
RIP Christopher Reeve
Whats the difference betwen Christopher Reeve and OJ Simpson?
OJ didn't get the electric chair.
- blaw0
why does mike tyson cry during sex?
the mace burns his eyes.
- ********0
hahah blaw
- Bahiatronic0
Oh Yeah!! Baby :P
- vburo0
Congratulation!!
JazX has reached (just over) 29000 PVN Responses... Nice one hehe
Bahiatronic
(apr 25 05, 12:26)that's a real joke hahhaa
JazX
(Apr 25 05, 12:28)that means you will hit 30,000 in about 5 days!!!
we should totally celebrate that. a new record!!
- Bahiatronic0
Hhaaa..!! 30000 in 5 days.. hmm 6000 per day... ... I think he posts even higher than that per day..!!
- vburo0
A girl tells her Mom that she is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with gray hair, impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit, steps out of the car and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. If a girl is born, I will bequeath her two retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it's twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point the father, who had remained silent, placed a hand firmly on the man's shoulder. "Try again!"
- vburo0
Harry did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a cowl standing in front of his bed. "What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? And who are you?" he asked.
"This is not your bedroom," the man replied. "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."
"WHAT!?? Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die, I'm too young." said Harry. "If I'm dead, I want you to send me back immediately."
"It's not that easy", said St. Peter. "You can only return as a dog or a hen. But you may choose."
Harry thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad. "I want to return as a hen," Harry replied. And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But man, now "he" felt like the rear end was gonna blow.
Along came a rooster. "Hey, you must be the new hen on the farm," said the rooster. "How does it feel?"
"Well, it's OK I guess, but it feels like my rear end is blowing up."
"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation! Have you never laid an egg before?"
"No, how do I do that?" Harry asked.
"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."
Harry clucked twice, and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'Plop', an egg was on the ground. "Wow," Harry said. "That felt really good!"
So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground.
The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:
"Harry, for Gods sake wake up, you're shitting all over the bed!"
- ********0
A man walks into a bar and says ouch.
- vburo0
A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo Theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
The cowboy groaned but didn't budge.
The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally they summoned the police. The Texas Ranger surveyed the situation briefly then asked "All right buddy what's your name?"
"Sam." the cowboy moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?" asked the Ranger.
"The balcony."
- vburo0
the following is not a joke but some very funny facts:
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Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator
"This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."2. Dressage commentator
"This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."4. Boxing Analyst
"Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."5. Softball announcer
"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."6. Basketball analyst
"He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."7. At the rowing medal ceremony
"Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."8. Soccer commentator
"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."9. Tennis commentator
"One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"
- scarabin0
what's red and slimy and says "ho ho ho"?
placenta claus