Need jokes
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- ********0
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating Ireland's draw with Germany during the World Cup
Mick, the bartender, says "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy"
Paddy replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then." Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. "Shoite!" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.
He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face.
"Shoite,Shoite!"He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the pavement. He falls flat on his face. "Bi'Jesus...I'm fockin' focked," he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and struggles inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way".
He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the bed." He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says "Fock it" and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Bridget, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?".
Paddy says, "I did Bridget. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?"
"Mick called. You left your wheelchair at the pub."
- vburo0
lmao scarabin.
- vburo0
omfg skt. that joke almost made me choke!!
- blaw0
i just noticed this in the 'humour' thread:
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Why does Mike Tyson cry so much during sex?
The mace!!!
hatemail657
(Apr 25 05, 11:58)----
honestly didn't see that when i posted the same joke here.
- hatemail6570
Why does michael jackson like sleeping with 25 year olds?
Because there's 20 of them!!!
Bah!
- hatemail6570
This one crosses the line but F it. Its monday.
What's the best thing about sleeping with 8 year old girl?
Flip her over and its an 8 year old boy!!!
Hoo-boy - I'm on fire!!!
- bliznutty0
what is the difference b/w michael jackson and an albino elephant?
one is a big white elephant, the other likes to fuck little boys.