old parents
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- trooperbill
Hi guys,
im 41 this year and my dads 80, mums 75 both are getting on and i fear both are getting memory issues and failing health. they both live in their own house but dont have a lot of cash to throw around- and neither do i with a 1 year old in tow.
i have no idea how to handle it. anyone got any tips?
- kona3
trooper!
I'm 41 myself and my folks are both almost 70 and live in the country. I too have been worrying more and more about their health and well being.
As piece of mind I bought them a Nest outdoor camera and had it installed on their home a few months ago. They agreed I could be on the account and get warnings on my phone when the camera is triggered evening and nights. That's helped a bit. Facetime too. We'll facetime them with our sons quite a bit which helps give me a sense of where their mind is at and what's going on. We're lucky in the sense that they're only an hour away so I'm out there maybe every other weekend with the boys, but this helps me stay on top of things almost daily.
Shit like, "Ok Dad, you know xyz company will never reach out asking you for your password" or "Mom, before answering the door remember to see who it is from your phone" and stuff.
- Rat poison in their coffee. Check the will first.fruitsalad
- how pathetic. How long did it take you to log in under that account to post? Then log out and continue your trolling elsewhere. How utterly pathetic.kona
- Please leave so the grown ups can talk.kona
- Aye Fruitsalad, "a bit of a miss there", if I'm being generous.detritus
- damn that's some cold shit fruitsalad, unwarranted trolling at its worstmonospaced
- dang fruitsalad, you might want to talk to someone about that. Some pretty deep issues showed themselves even if it was a joke.capn_ron
- so who is fruitsalad?fadein11
- a bitter, negative person whos' negativity is part of a pattern and is mad because they aren't accomplishing much with their life. my guess anyways.kona
- Dudes, it's was a quick light joke. I'm actually in a similar situation as the OP. If you can't laugh in dark moments what can you do?fruitsalad
- And it goes both ways - my mother asks me to shoot her on the first signs of dementia.fruitsalad
- ok_not_ok0
I'm in the same situation and fortunately have a younger brother who's single that lives with them and just makes sure that everything in the house is in order.
This may sound harsh but I would suggest selling their house and moving in a couples senior housing. They'll meet new friends, stay active and will have nursing support 24/7.
- I've been thinking about this too. I haven't brought it up with them yet but when the time comes I'm keeping it an option. There's a great place near us.kona
- sarahfailin2
You can move close to them (like down the street). My parents did this when my mom's dad was dying.
If you live in the United States, Medicare provides a variety of services which are low cost: https://www.medicare.gov/what-me…
Talk to both of them about what they want and need, and listen to them. You can also get better advice from the experts -- check out the AARP's website. For example: http://www.aarp.org/relationship…
- fadein112
That is hard - you just got to be there for them. And little ones really bring them out of themselves I have found - I don't mean looking after your little one - more seeing him/her run around etc.
It's tough - I lost my father a few years back and now my mom lives alone. But I am nearby, but its hard to be there enough with a young family and really busy work lives.
But I like to think I am always there when she needs me.
All the best with your situation.
- utopian1
Hey Trooper...I have been back and fourth to the doctors, then to the hospital, then the ER and then back to the doctors with my mom every other day for the past three months with mom. Actually I just got back from taking my mom to the hospital...I was there for at least 6 hours today. I feel your pain, it sucks!
- bainbridge0
People get old and it sucks. Don't have kids and make them go through this shit in 40 years.
- Many have kids so they have something to live for throughout the rest of life. It's natural, I think.formed
- I have no kids and it scares me to think about being alone at 70.formed
- 70 is scary?bainbridge
- Having kids is selfish.bainbridge
- Lol bain. Selfish: lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.Hayoth
- formed0
I can't get my parents to use a smart phone. When I say "it's convenient, mom, we can text you anywhere," she lovingly replies "why do you think we would want to get a text from you kids?".
It's funny and frustrating. I did get my mom a Steelcase Gesture for xmas. She insisted her $50 Ikea crap chair was just fine, but her posture is bad and she sits at a computer for hours. Now she loves it.
- jaylarson0
any sub reddits on the subject? i've found decent financial help form their active forums (despite being reddit)
- i_monk1
Dad turned 78 today. He's meeting with an eye surgeon on Wednesday because he suddenly can't read, he can't judge where things are (drops shit on the floor when trying to place it on the table), and straight lines appear wavy. He's also been having memory issues and he's quick the anger these days. Yay.
- bklyndroobeki0
How do you manage or deal when a parent tells you they've been diagnosed w/ something serious?
- sea_sea0
I'm so scared of this myself. I'm an only child, lost my dad over 20 years ago and my mom remarried. She's 72 Her husband is almost 80 now. I know it will be my responsibility.
- trooperbill0
gettions a social care assessment for them from the NHS - parents are freaking out in case the government wants to take their savings off them and sell their house. ivce been reading up and the assessment is just to see what they need. they may be asked to 'contribute' to any care however this is done on a means tested basis... hopefully it wont cost them too much.
the biggie is that i dont think my dads safe to drive any more however he wants to keep his 'independence' - ive suggested in the long run taxis are probably cheaper and easier for them.
- Get all their stuff put into your name. Actually think this has to be done 5-7 years in advance otherwise they get suspicious.microkorg
- done that a few years backtrooperbill
- drgs0
My mom is 69. She completed a computer course last year, wants to buy a quad bike and vacations on exclusively topless beaches. I'm worried for her, but in a different way
- paging marychainGnash
- good for her drgs :)sea_sea
- old ppl get STDs like crazy cause they don't give a fuck and have had their whole lives to accrue them.sarahfailin
- OBBTKN0
My parents are in their 70s but in a good shape, no smokers, only small issues, my father have got a lot of injuries due to his hard work like mechanic... but he is still a strong bike rider, past year he've done 17.000km on his bike
- bklyndroobeki0
all you can do is wish for the best, (prep for emergencies, a nice savings acct for anything out of pocket) don't expect things will go "downhill" and don't diagnose them - they CAN live til super late 90s & pass of natural causes
- in the UK a savings account is a curse. the gov wants it from you.trooperbill
- explain?bklyndroobeki
- @bklyndroobeki - it's not at allfadein11
- bklyndroobeki0
- more for us than anything else. wrong thread for it*bklyndroobeki
- i've become a huge fan of Dave Ramsey this last month. Not the religious part, but the financial plans are on point.capn_ron
- His method / plan is great... I don't even mind his religious side... it's the "I'M DEBT FREEE!!" screams... like some fucking gameshow... instant headache.PonyBoy
- trooperbill0
my dad at 70 was strong and fit, now at 80 it takes him 10 mins to put his pants on - i was shocked.