old parents
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- DaveO0
My folks are late 60's, all good and stuff but i live in the USA and they are back in the UK. I'm the only one of our family (brother and sister) who is married so far and with kids, but they never get to see them.
This creates different problems, some pretty unhappy emotional issues with mum and then a disconnect in general from everyone else. I spend all my vacation money and time going back to see them (in the same house that I left for brighter things when i was 18 ) so they can see our kids. This in turn leaves me exhausted and desperate for a proper holiday.
Moivng back to the UK would be difficult as there's nowhere near as much work opportunity there as there is here, and probably even less after Brexit finishes,
Staying here is fine but the kids will grow up without their grandparents which makes me feel guilty. Or they might not grow up at all if Trump carries on having security briefings by the pool at his resort.
Total first world problems but in a way i've never felt quite as trapped as i do right now.
- utopian0
Mom admitted to ER today, needs surgery this afternoon. This sucks!
- Sorry man, hope she's ok and all goes smoothlyformed
- Sending you love man..., how is she recovering?bklyndroobeki
- Nutter0
Helpful tip:
if your parents need a new phone and they have poor eyesight: buy an iPhone for them.Sounds weird buy after looking through a lot of phones designed for this situation and talking to a organisation that helps blind/weak-sighted we got recommended buying an iPhone.
The reason is Siri. I've now set up his phone so he just have to hold in the home button and say "Send sms to ..." or "call ...".
Its very intuitive, all the rest og the iPhones possiblilities are not used. So no reason to buy the latest version.
- all smartphones have this functionality.fadein11
- + we all use some of it, but iPhone's accessibility settings are pretty bad ass.
good on you. i'm sure they appreciate it!bklyndroobeki - my folks refuse to give up their flip phone, been trying for yearsformed
- bklyndroobeki6
sent my mom a little care package, was super small- just dark chocolate, candles, castor oil -- to apply on inflammation, and some cool nice smelling calendula soap from the Soap Works.
mailed it last week...best thing ever to hear her glee on the phone tonight that she got the package, she said she was just thinking about applying castor on her skin - told her about the benefits and she had no idea.
what fire under my belt for me to get out of my own funk and be present for those around me.
- she loved this so much more than the multi room bose speakers, and books telling her what to do, that i got her for x mas. lolbklyndroobeki
- +1dorf
- doggydoggdog0
I don't want to get old.
- pr20
My mom at 70 has discovered the internet. Now every time she want to drive the point that she knows what she's talking about says "i've read it on the internet"...
- Beeswax1
Dad 80, mom 74. Last year I quit big city life(along with my wife) and moved to my parents town to be closer to them. It's a super cute coastal town on Aegean so it wasn't that of a problem to move.
But after I moved I realized how much they need me here. My dad still drives but his senses and reflexes are getting pretty slow so I drive them around when they need to go longer distances, I see them every other day, go shopping, carry stuff, build their furniture etc. Luckily their neighbours are good people(old as well) so I feel comfortable leaving them at their home because they can keep an eye on each other.bklyndroobeki has asked "How do you manage or deal when a parent tells you they've been diagnosed w/ something serious?"
My dad has been diagnosed with lymphoma(cancer) 4 years ago, I did not feel so sad, because, i'm lucky to have them both still. There are people around me who lost their parents at much younger ages so how can I complain?
Eventually the loss will happen, but I think they don't mind it as much as we do, as long as they spend time with their kids and see them happy and healthy.
I still make my mom cook for us because she really enjoys that, I ask for some money from my dad when my cards fill up, because he feels he's still useful and that makes him happy.So don't look at it as a burden or something to feel sad about. Helping them when they are needy is psychologically very satisfactory and it is actually meaningful.
- That's great you were able to move back. I've been wanting to live closer to my folks for a decade now, but business wise it's near impossible.formed
- capn_ron0
In the hospital for the last 2 days watching my dad after a colon surgery to remove some cancerous cells. He went from a strong able bodied adult to a withered old man in a matter of a blink of an eye. So sad to see this. I feel bad for my mom now, because even though she is old, she still has a lot of life in her. Years of smoking and drinking like it didn't matter have finally caught up to him and he is 77 years old going on 104. Just going to enjoy these days here with them because I have no idea how long he can last at this downward pace.
- VectorMasked3
I've always been like everyone else thinking that family is always going to be there. But a couple of years ago after not seeing my parents for about 5 years since we live in different countries, I visited them and couldn't help it but feel a little sad when they were waiting for me at the airport. They had aged. And that moment right there i felt like reality hit me.
Since then we talk on the phone often, I actually spent over a year with them helping my dad with his business while at the same I kept freelancing. We got to do a lot of things we didn't do when I was a kid. Simple things like taking my dad, his wife and step sis to a beautiful mountain to do some hiking. During this time every birthday or holiday was an excuse to make it a big event at home. We have more elaborate xmas dinners, we dress up like santas and scare my little newphew as we give him his presents and all those little details are some thing my dad seems to really appreciate. it's like he is really living life and tons of memories are getting produced by this.
Luckily here, both of them have never smoked or even drank a drop of alcohol. They do take of themselves now and they are in their early 60's. Although an uncle with the same healthy lifestyle passed away a month ago.
I have actually thought moving back. Get a job. Know some people there... and for the first time ever everyone lives in the same city except for me.
What I just see is that as long as they get to see you and get to make more memories and see you as a grown productive adult they are happy. It's imperative to increase the amount of contact with them. Hang out, always be in touch and talk as much as possible and get them to spent as much time s possible with the little ones. Both of my parents can't get enough of my nephew. It truly gives them energy, makes them feel like parents all over again.
- autoflavour0
So we just moved back from Berlin to Sydney so my mother wasnt all by herself and she could spend time with her grandchildren.
its definitely swings and roundabouts..
one of the hardest parts is dealing with her expectations of her self in relation to dealing with the kids.. she is super keen to help out, and look after them, but her idea of babysitting is putting them infront of the tv while she may or may not be awake..
now given they are 2 and 6 years old, this is not good.
but she is 77 years old and not very mobile, so even if she is awake the likelyhood of her reacting quick enough to stop a problem is probably slim.
that said, i think us being here has definitely changed her entire world.. hopefully for the better.
its not easy though..
fortunately she is pretty together mentally..
there isnt a day that goes by at the moment when i think about the world we had in Berlin and i instantly feel this deep sense of loss inside me, almost like grief.. passé to say i know, but its a physical reaction.. even typing this now i am feeling it.
making choices sometimes requires you to lose .. there is no right or wrong answers in any of it.. its just a bunch of paths, all which have their own shit attached.
i only hope that us coming back is making her happy and that we havent just done all this nothing..
im pretty sure having the kids around offsets any other drama she might have with us.. not that she would ever tell us, the harmony addict that she is..
- had the same probs. my wifes parents are a good 0-15 years younger than my parents and look after flynn 2 days a week. my mum n dad couldnt do that.trooperbill
- Once you get into the swing of aussie life you might enjoy it more. Lots more heat and sunshine and isn't everyone over there real health freaks?microkorg
- You've got some nice toys to play with in ur studio, but make sure you get out in the sun to really appreciate Oz.microkorg
- i_monk0
Dad had his eye surgery the other day; they had to inject an air bubble into his eye and now he has to spent 240 hours face down in one of those massage tables. The eye will heal itself over the air bubble, or something.
- trooperbill2
update - theyve got rid of the car after my dad blacked out and are taking advantage of the hop on bus for seniors plus making good use of their free bus passes. lots of complaints about taxi prices and that the hop on bus doesnt go to more places but hey its better than having an accident and potentially killing someone.
- pocho0
My Mom went from taking care of herself, making it to all her appointments and managing her meals and meds to nothing in about 3 months. After she left something on the stove more than once we had to more her in with my Wife and Kids.
It is tough. She is basically bedridden and can't do much more than feed herself and change the channel. Our eldest daughter (26) moved back in with us but helps when she can. In California people can get paid for helping. The money is minimal but it makes it easier. It helps our eldest pay for college and he care and keeps my Mom out of an expensive full-care home.
- OBBTKN1
Mother have been a day hospitalized due to high blood pressure (a rare interaction with the pills she's taking), but she was happy of getting all of her sons and daugthers around...
Now i call her everyday and she's happier than ever :)
* Can feel my father jealousy (has started complaining about a knee injury).
- BusterBoy2
I used to have an awesome family!
When my granparents were around, they had dinners every Sunday where everyone was welcome. My Dad lived in another state but everyone else used to turn up. My brothers and their wives/kids. Me, my wife & kids. Aunt and her husband and kids. Uncle. Grandparents. Was excellent.
Family was always there for each other.
Then they slowly started to pass away. First my grandparents...the regular get togethers stopped. Then my Dad died when I was 26. Then my Mum when I was in my early 30s. My Mum was the glue holding things together and after she died, it all turned to shit. My Aunt did a horrendous thing to her brother that crippled him financially. My brothers don't speak anymore.
It's just rank.
And while my wife's family are OK, there's a bunch of deadbeat, mentally ill druggies that I just don't want my kids to have anything to do with.
Life is so much different than I thought it was going to be.