Relationship Question
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- 141 Responses
- Amicus0
Mondo... at 35 do you really think you are going to change enough? Sometimes it is far better in the long run to leave if you can't communicate.
- Jnr_Madison0
God, I'm sick of her for you.
- MondoMorphic0
Jnr_Madison - I think you're right.
waterhouse - we've started couple's therapy, and this is part of what worries me about her. I felt great...it allowed me to talk about real issues and I learned some methods of addressing issues more constructively. For her, it was an excruciating experience that forced her to open up and share what she was feeling.
Part of the independence I mentioned earlier was that if she shares her thoughts and feelings, they cease to be her own, so she keeps it all in.
- waterhouse0
Don't listen to visionary. 16-year-olds have never been in serious relationships.
- visionary0
If you have to get a professional to get a female to open up about her feelings then you're screwed. She's a dude with a pussy.
- MondoMorphic0
Amicus - you're right. I think at this point, we will change very little. Human behavior is set at around ago 18-20 and at this point, it would be easier for one of us to quit smoking than it would be for us to change some fundamental aspect of our personalities.
- waterhouse0
Maybe he'll discover that he wasn't listening to her. At least he can feel secure in his decision after trying.
- MondoMorphic0
kalkal - my thoughts exactly. This should be the "honeymoon" of our relationship and we need therapy at this point, it really doesn't bode well for a future between us.
visionary - shtick aside, I think you're right. It doesn't seem like the average woman would be this averse to opening up.
- I don't necessarily agree, man.waterhouse
- I'm not joking.visionary
- _salisae_0
sorry you're going through this. can't be a nice way to go about your daily living. best of luck!
- MondoMorphic0
Thank you so much. Not to be melodramatic, but I think I finally have closure on what has been a decision that has plagued me for some time. I went to the Dr. Phil site and randomly clicked on an article...
--------------------------------...
Stop Excusing Inexcusable Behavior
You can't sustain a relationship that is based on deception. If lies, infidelity, or other deal-breaking behaviors are threatening your marriage or partnership, Dr. Phil has advice.
Understand that any time you turn away from your partner to fill your needs instead of toward him/her, it's a betrayal. It's not just what you do — it's what you don't do. You can violate someone by withholding affection.
If you are the person who has damaged the relationship, make sure that you hear your partner. He/she needs to know that you have listened and understand the full gravity of your actions and how they have affected him/her. Acknowledge the damage your behavior has caused to your partner's self-esteem, mental state and emotions.
Be as forthcoming as you can be with your partner before entering into a commitment. If there are things your partner has the right to know before marriage so that he/she can make an honest and informed decision, tell him/her.
If you truly want the relationship to work, be real with yourself and your partner. Be completely honest and truthful with your partner about your wants and needs. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. You should be an open book to your mate.
You can't change what you don't acknowledge. First, acknowledge that there is something wrong. If what is happening isn't normal, admit it. You need to set some new standards of acceptable behavior and your partner needs to know what those standards are.
--------------------------------...She has violated every single one of these points. I love her and I think this love has made me blind or unable to let go, but I know I need to. She is not good for me.
- MrOneHundred0
Pro:
She is beautiful and we have a good time togetherCon:
We don't communicate very well
she's been deceptive
she has a rather cavalier attitude towards our relationship
she has $90K of credit card debt
she’s hiding phone texts so I don't see who they're from
ex boyfriend who is still in-love with her
Not mentioning that she was working out at the gym with the same ex boyfriend
Grabbing the ass of a guy near her at a club (while I am watching) and then;
not being able to remember that it happened
she has a failed marriage
she cheated on her last boyfriend
we've started couple's therapy which was;
it was an excruciating experience that forced her to open up and share what she was feeling- I'm not sure what you're getting at here?Jnr_Madison
- Well, she is beautiful, and that’s forever, right?MrOneHundred
- woo good job putting all that together... well you really slam that in Mondo's face now :phiiee
- She IS very beautiful and she's Asian, so chances are it will last a long time. Probably not forever though. ;)MondoMorphic
- Don’t shoot the collator of the Pro/Con list.MrOneHundred
- Won’t last long?! Are we talking hours long, or days long?MrOneHundred
- damn, i got angry just reading this listscarabin_net
- +1moogoo
- kalkal0
I think when you turn to the internet asking these kind of things, you already know the right answer, you're just seeking some kind of approval
- MondoMorphic0
^^ Approval or confirmation. I know what I need to do but I have honestly been afraid of making a mistake.
MrOneHundred - that certainly does seem to put things into perspective.
- I like to categorise, organise, collate and curate. I am having a show of this at the Boon Gallery next month.MrOneHundred
- ^^ That list, that is. Come along, there’ll be canapés. Jeff Koons might be there!MrOneHundred
- Nothing? You fucking Philistines!MrOneHundred
- waterhouse0
Yeah, I didn't read that first page. Lose her like a curse.
- iCanHazQBN0
she's....... asian??
- MondoMorphic0
Yes. She's Filipino.
- fate_0
Dump this girl ASAP.
- fate_0
"we've started couple's therapy,"
wtf, a relationship shouldn't be that much work if you've only been seeing her for 10 months.
WARNING SIGN GET THE FUCK OUT.
- monkeyshine0
Okay, this is going to sound harsh but oh man it needs to be said. You've only been together for 10 months and have lived together for 4 and are talking about marriage, etc. But you have nothing in common and you don't trust her. Dude, you're 35, not 22. With the kindest of intent, grow up!
You don't love her. You say it, but it's about something else...it's the idea of being in love; it's fear of being alone...it's something that has nothing to do with love. You sound like you are insecure. You've latched onto this person who for whatever reason has latched onto you. She's a mess and you're just hanging on hoping for what I'm not quite sure.
My advice would be to move out and go to individual therapy and encourage her to do the same. Again, no intention to be a jerk but if you were reading your words as someone else, you'd be thinking the same thing I'm thinking. Good luck.
- lol monkey. :)janne76
- I was reading his words as someone else and I wasn't thinking quite the same thing as that...kalkal
- well what were you thinking? It's like listening to a Christine McVie (Fleetwood Mac) song!monkeyshine
- See my commentskalkal
- Thats all I have to saykalkal