Drinking Stories
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- CALLES
im impressed.... give me a story of yourr own... ever woke up in the side walk in front of your house?
- madirish0
i want to re-create story #1
- mg330
(This is long but read the whole thing - it rivals anything by Kona any day of the week!)
Back in high school, senior year 1996, my friend Jeremy and I went to visit my sister and her boyfriend - they lived about an hour away or so and on a lake, it was always fun to hang out there. I was 17.
We went with them to a college graduation party and they had a margarita machine, but the ice wasn't working, no crushed ice or anything so it was just the liquid.
Wasn't really into beer then so drank cup after cup after cup of super strong margarita mix loaded with tequila.
Eventually felt a stir in my stomach and got really nervous. Someone was in the bathroom so I went into a spare bedroom, sat on the bed, and projectile puked ALL OVER the wall in front of me from about 4 1/2 feet to the floor. All over the carpet. Everywhere.
I got so nervous, didn't want anyone to know, so I took off my shirt, took off my undershirt and used it to "clean up" the puke (and I say that loosely because I was wasted beyond belief).
Not sure how well I cleaned it up, but nervous as hell and I took my puke soaked rag of an undershirt and stuffed it inside a cowboy boot in the closet!
My sister's boyfriend thought I puked but I just kept lying about it. They were more worried about my best friend who was making out beside the house with a girl whose boyfriend was at the party...
Well, months later I saw the home owners (who were in their 30s) at a concert, we'd not seen each other since my Sister's funeral (she passed away that summer in 1995) and they told me the following:
"We'd love to have you come over sometime for dinner, but you can't puke all over everything again." and kind of gave me a pat on the back like "it's OK, we've been there before ourselves.
Turns out the puke on the wall had gotten into an air conditioner vent on the wall and after a few weeks they started to smell this really sour smell in the room. They had to unscrew it from the wall and clean it and stuff.
Never heard about the cowboy boot, but i shudder to think of the experience of pulling them out of the closet and finding a very sour smelling, questionable origin shirt stinking up a cowboy boot.
- blaw0
Woke up in the rain in my (then) girlfriend's yard. She was pissed that I didn't make it over and gave no points for "almost".
- blaw0
I used to work with a guy that was too busy to socialize during the week, but on weekends went completely overboard--literally waking on his front porch at least one morning each weekend.
Friday Drinking Tip: A little moderation and consistency go a long way towards being a functional alcoholic.
- sherman0
waking up across the hall in the old ladies place buck naked.
worst night of my life.
well one of them.
waking up naked in a hotel in Vancouver on the wrong floor from my room knocking on some dudes door thinking it was mine. that sucked too.
too many waking up naked stories.
- CALLES0
LOL to all of you! im cracking up
- CALLES0
and yeah sherman... whats up with the nakeddness.... all alone? always?
- sherman0
usually with some random chick which means i drink too much so I can mask my lack of desire to sleep them.
- TheBlueOne0
I have far too many to count, but to surmise some of the best:
* The time we ended up in Wildwood NJ with a Camaro full of meat and cases of beer while funneling kamizazees while talking our way out of getting public drunkeness citations from the local cops who eventually ended up hanging out with us when they got off duty and taking us to the local strip joints.
* The time my friend ended up crawling under the table of some local drug dealers table at an after hours joint looking for his laptop case. We avoided violence but then once outside I turned around to find my bud getting into some strange guys car to look for his case. He called me the next day to say he didn't know where he was and a cat was licking his face.
* I am legendary in a Japanese restuarant for consuming the biggest bottle of Sake there with the owner. My wife thought I was going to get alcohol poisoning. I survived.
* sharing a pitcher with James and Kirk form Metallica at the now definct Scrap Bar in NYC while our best bud tried picking up some biker chick and then was beat up by her boyfriend. We didn't find him for hours as he was lumped up and knocked out behind the video game machine in the back...
God...I spent the entire late 80's drunk out of my mind...
- spendogg0
when i was in high school towards the end of the year all the graduating seniors would go up to a mountain pull off (pretty close to town) if anyone has been to santa fe you would understand.
This one year they had a filled a garbage can full of jungle juice - i smoked a joint got cotton mouth and proceeded to down many cups of the juice. I woke up under a truck with sap all over me (apparently i had climbed a tree and fell out), i had so much sap on me, the sleeve of my sweatshirt was stuck to my face - had to rip it off like a bandaid.
- madirish0
thsoe are fucking awesome TBO.
behind arcade game = pure gold
- harlequino0
First time I ever got drunk was freshman year of college (loads of drugs came first in the previous years). Went over to my friends' college an hour away to hang out now that we were in the same state. They were a few years ahead.
Not sure what I had, but I had a lot of it. We were all in this one dorm room when the mondo drunk hit. There were these couple of girls there too, who (while drunk anyway) were pretty hot. Or maybe they weren't, who knows. Dangle a week old roast beef sandwhich in front of a starving bum and see if they care about flavor.
Anyway, I was (as my friend put it) 'eyeballing them' in a most unsettling way. Then it hit. I needed to be naked. Really needed to. Apparently, I stood up and made like i was gonna strip, exclaiming "Man, I want to be naked. These clothes are just wrong!"
It was bedlam. The girls freaked out and ran, and three of my friends had to jump on me to keep me still. I wriggled and continued to yell and try to strip. After ten minutes of being restrained, I fell asleep.
- blaw0
The problem with heavy drinking, of course, is transportation.
Following the prerequisite "I'm not driving, you drive." "Fuck that, you drive." ... You eventually get to, "Screw it. I'm walking." "Let's go."
On one such evening a friend and I left the bar at closing to the barmaids triumphant declaration, "I've never seen two guys drink so much Guinness before."
As we began the steady incline towards my house I realized that the country measurement of "as the crow flies" has the urban opposite of "as the drunk stagers", turning two miles into six.
- GreedoLives0
"This building is the Ratstrinkstube, and also contains the a clock which re-enacts the historic meistertrunk daily. According to legend, the meistertrunk commemorates the event in 1631 when the walled town was under siege from the Imperial forces of Count Tilly. On a lark, Count Tilly told the city that he would spare them if anyone could drink a tankard containing about one gallon (3.5 L) of wine in one draught. Mayor Nusch took the challenge successfully, and the city was saved. The clock re-enacts the event hourly from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. and 8 p.m. to 10 p.m.. Rothenburg celebrates this rescue each year on Whitsun with a festival performance, grand army march and a field camp."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rot…
- TheBlueOne0
I gotta follow up on that NJ story..going to be long, but totally worth it - I mean it was an entire lost drunken weekend. Before it was over we (a group of 12 or so guys) got thrown out of four motels, flipped buegers until they stuck on ceilings, got into a couple of fistfights, slept under the boardwalk with some hobos...I mean you name it we did..
But it started with my bud renting a condo down there from some girl where he worked. So we loaded up three cars and trekked down to the Jersey coast (this was 1989 - bon jovi hair metal days) on a friday and slept in the cars. That morning we split into three teams - team one would secure the condo, team two would go get the alcohol and team three would get the meat for all the BBQing. I was in team one..so about 10am we go up to the condo, unlock the door only to find out a family sleeping there. We were like "Gee, sorry..we rented the condo after you guys for this weekend. No rush, when you leave we'll be downstairs..."
So about 20 minutes later dude form the condo comes outside and says "There's no way you long haired faggots are sleeping in my sisters condo..."
Ah. The keys we got were from the daughter of the woman who owned the place...we thought it was cool and we paid $400 to use the place for 2 days. So we're arguing with the guy. He says he's going to call the police we say fine - in fact we'll cALL the police.
Police show up see 12 long haired guys, three cars, cases of beer and vodka and bags full of every red meat available ready to wreck the town like vikings and a family unit of four. Guess who the cops side with. Lots of arguing and so forth..and then my friend says he wants to press charges cause he verbally assaulted us by calling us "long haired faggots" and poking us in the chest. Cop says fine and tells us to go to the station and file a complaint...
Well we lost the condo and the $400 but wrecked the town anyway. But this is the best part - so we actually filed a complaint against this guy and both parties had to go back to NJ for a court hearing -everyone involved was form NY. So mr chest poker kept calling my friend to drop the charges saying "Look I work a really tight job, there is no way I can leave work without risking my job, I have a family to feed.." and my friend was like "Well you should of thought of that before you assaulted me..."
This went on for weeks this guy pleading to drop the charges, etc. And my friend keeps telling him to fuck off.
So the day comes and we take the four hour drive down to the Jersey shore. The guy shows up and he's pissed. We walk into the courtroom and wait for the case to be called...
They finally call us, everyone walks up and then my friend says "Your honor, I hate to waste the courts time, but I believe I would like to drop the charges at this time."
Mr Chest Poke goes absolutely batshit "You goddamn motherfuckers! You cost me my job!! I'll fucking kill you...."
Suffice to say the guy got fined $2,000 in contempt of court charges and the judge read him the riot act.
We just cracked up the second we walked out of court. My friend realized we had nothing to really stand on so he just wanted to piss the fucker off...
Great fucking weekend..
- mg330
Ah, transportation vs. drunk...
Story 2:
In college I was visiting friends at UT in Austin, we went to a big party about 1.25 hours away south of Austin. The plans were th STAY THE NIGHT THERE as there was plenty of room to sleep. I even took a blanket with.
So all night, I'm drinking straight out of the keg and clutching a bottle of Cuervo and drinking it like it's water (I used to have an awesome ability to drink tequila, luckily I do not anymore).
I was hammered beyond belief, so I went into my friend's truck, put back the seat and went to sleep.
At like 3 a.m. everyone piles into the truck, wakes me up, and we're headed back to Austin. Everyone is drunk, and driving comes down to the person who is "least drunk" and certainly not "most sober." WTF I look back at moments like that and wonder how I'm alive.
So my friend Foster drives it is he, me, and another girl in the front seats, and 3 guys and two girls crammed into the backseat like sardines.
Lots of curved roads and hills to get to the highway, my stomach was not enjoying it.
We finally hit the highway my friend just gunned it up to 70 mph at the on ramp.I got the window rolled halfway down and vomited heavily, with most of it blowing back inside the truck and onto everyone sitting behind my seat.
My best friend, whose truck we were in, goes "Oh my GOD I've got puke in my fuckin eye!"And this girl Jamie, who was the sweetest girl normally, got puke on her and was just nonstop "I F'ING HATE PEOPLE WHO CAN'T HANDLE THEIR LIQUOR!!! WHY DID YOU DRINK SO MUCH!!! YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!"
and my friend Andrea sitting beside me was practically crying at the pain I was in, started yelling back at the girl above screaming "HE DIDN'T KNOW WE WERE GOING TO LEAVE THERE!! HE WAS ALREADY ASLEEP! HE CAN'T HELP IT!!!! WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM!!!!"
We made it to Austin and the next day examined my friend's truck: the whole passenger side was splattered with puke all the way to the back bumper - like something Jackson Pollock would have done!
LOL
- CALLES0
Apparently, I stood up and made like i was gonna strip, exclaiming "Man, I want to be naked. These clothes are just wrong!"
It was bedlam. The girls freaked out and ran, and three of my friends had to jump on me to keep me still. I wriggled and continued to yell and try to strip. After ten minutes of being restrained, I fell asleep.
harlequino
(Oct 26 07, 10:26)seriously WTF...
so when you get drunk the stripper inside of you wants to come out? where you doing sexy moves?
lol
- mg330
THEBLUEONE WINS!!!!
THEBLUEONE WINS!!!!
THEBLUEONE WINS!!!!
THEBLUEONE WINS!!!!
THEBLUEONE WINS!!!!
THEBLUEONE WINS!!!!
THEBLUEONE WINS!!!!
THEBLUEONE WINS!!!!
THEBLUEONE WINS!!!!
THEBLUEONE WINS!!!!
- Point50
I had a naked incident:
for some reason during a party at my house in college I thought it would be cool to strip naked outside, grab a tiki torch and walk into the house waving it like Conan.
I did just that. then got tackled by my roommates who had me wrapped in towels and bedsheets in about 4 seconds.
ahh, the good old days
- madirish0
TBO FTW