Tell me a Funny joke.
- Started
- Last post
- 95 Responses
- Benja820
whats funnier than nailing a baby to a wall?
pulling it off
- kupia0
very huge man has a little teeny tiny head.
another man asks "hey I don't mean to pry, but what happened, I mean why would such a large fellow have such a small head?"
"well," says the large man "One day I was fishing when I caught a mermaid. She said if I released her she would grant me any one wish. I said 'wow ok I'd like to have sex with you' to which she replied 'no' so I said 'ok, how about a little head?"
- Benja820
why does noddy drive around in a yellow car with a blue hat on?
because he's a cunt
- kupia0
Freudian slip
"The other day I was at the airport talking to a well endowed woman. Instead of asking for two tickets to Pittsburgh, I asked for two pickets to tittsberg."
"Hrm," says another man,
"I had a slip like that the other day with my wife.
We were at the breakfast table and instead of saying...
'Honey, please pass the bagels and cream cheese', I said
'You fucking bitch, you ruined my life"
- brains0
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
....
I can't jelly my cock in your ass.
- kupia0
"I once tried to hang myself with a bungy cord...
I kept almost dying."
~Stephen Wright
- ok_not_ok0
A man walks in a clinic for a check up...
Doctor: You need to stop masturbating.
Man: Why?
Doctor: I'm trying to examine you.
- BannedKappa0
A guy and his wife are in a serious car accident and in hospital the doctor is checking in on the husband.
Doctor - I have good news and I have bad news
Husband - Whats the bad news doc?
Doctor- You wife is paralysed from the neck down, your going to have to feed her, bath her, comb her hair, look after her for the rest of her life, there's no chance she'll ever walk again.
Husband - So whats the good news?
Doctor - The good news is I'm kidding , she's dead.
- imnotadesigner0
Q. What the difference between in-laws and out-laws?
A. Out-laws are wanted
- kupia0
3 men chatting at the water cooler at work after a night out on the town.
First man says "I had the worst night last night. After we left the bar, I went home and blew chunks"
Second man says "that's nothing, when I got home I found my wife packing and she left me"
Third man says "that's nothing, I hit a tree, went to the hospital and when I finally got home found my house burned to the ground."
First guy says "you don't understand, chunks is my dog."
- scribbler0
two budgies sitting on a perch.
one says to the other, can you smell fish?
- alnove0
what do you call a fish with no eye?
fsh
- blaw0
A man with a wooden eyeball is at an evening dance and, as usual, he has no one to dance with. Then he spots a young lady who is obviously suffering from severe kyphosis. He decides that he is probably within his league and walks over to speak with her.
"Ma'am, would you care to dance?"
"Would I!?"
"HUNCHBACK!"
Then he stormed off to sulk.
- Kiko0
what's pink n hard
A pig with a flick knife
- scribbler0
this is a week old now, but I only heard it today.
Merseyside Police have just stopped John Arne Riise on the M62.
Apparently he was heading in the wrong direction.
- 7point340
what's blue and doesn't fit properly?
a dead epileptic
- Kiko0
whats long and full of semen?
A submarine!
- scribbler0
Whats grey and sits at the end of your bed taking the piss out of you?
A kidney dialysis machine
- creative-0
An octopus walks into a bar and says "I can play ANY musical instrument you like."
An Englishman gives him a guitar with which he plays better than Hendrix.
An Irishman gives him a piano with which he plays better than Elton.
A Scotsman throws him a set of bagpipes. The octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes and the Scotsman says "What's wrong, can ye no play it?"
The octopus says "Play it? I'm gonna fuck her brains out once I get her pyjamas off!"