Tell me a Funny joke.
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- ********0
What's the best thing about schizophrenia?
It turns a wank into an orgy!
- ItTango0
knock, knock!
who's there?
interrupting cow!
interrupting cow wh..
knock, knock!
- Meeklo0
I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me...
Oy whats your disability?
I said "Tourettes! now fuck off you cunt!"
Crouwel
(Aug 30 07, 11:31)HAHAHAHAHA
- ********0
A man was having some trouble in bed with his wife of 20 years, he kept finishing early. To remedy this he went to the doctors who told him to, before he gets home, masturbate until just before he comes, then to have sex with his wife and that he will be able to last. The man thinks about where he can have a wank and decides on under his car on the way home because work is too crowded and he can pretend to be checking the axle or something. So; on the way home he pulls over to the side of the road, lies down under the car pretending to be checking the axle, he closes his eyes and starts wanking, invisioning his wife, a little while later he hears footsteps and a voice called "Hello sir, I'm a cop, can I ask you what you're doing here?" so the man, still with his eyes shut, said "I'm just checking my rear axle officer." To which the officer replies "You might want to check your brakes too mate because your car rolled down the hill five minutes ago."
- Meeklo0
A couple was having their baby on april 1st. Doctor says" PUUUSH, PUUSSHHH... I see the head"
The baby comes out and the doctor grabs the little baby and starts throwing it against the wall, throws it on the floor and starts stomping on it.
The couple goes hysterical... "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!"
The doctor then starts laughing!
"HAHAHA APRILLLLL FOOOLLLS, YOUR BABY WAS ALREADY DEAD!"oh man that was bad :/ sorry heh
Momentum2
(Aug 30 07, 11:34)HAHAHAHAHAHA
- ItTango0
daughter: mom, do babies come out where boys put their penises?
mom: uh, yes dear. they do. why?
daughter: won't that break my jaw?
- ********0
A couple was having their baby on april 1st. Doctor says" PUUUSH, PUUSSHHH... I see the head"
The baby comes out and the doctor grabs the little baby and starts throwing it against the wall, throws it on the floor and starts stomping on it.
The couple goes hysterical... "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!"
The doctor then starts laughing!
"HAHAHA APRILLLLL FOOOLLLS, YOUR BABY WAS ALREADY DEAD!"oh man that was bad :/ sorry heh
Momentum2
(Aug 30 07, 11:34)that's actually my fave, i posted it here a while ago. :D
- ********0
daughter: mom, do babies come out where boys put their penises?
mom: uh, yes dear. they do. why?
daughter: won't that break my jaw?
ItTango
(Aug 30 07, 11:38)oh shit, that one beat all other in terms of sickness,
and i am afraid i laughed pretty hard.
:/
thanks.
- Momentum20
daughter: mom, do babies come out where boys put their penises?
mom: uh, yes dear. they do. why?
daughter: won't that break my jaw?
ItTango
(Aug 30 07, 11:38)hahahahahaha oh man
- ********0
i wonder if racist jokes are ok here..
i think not..
i mean i would have posted this one otherwise:
Why don't black people go on cruises?
They're not falling for that one again!
- ********0
A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says "Don't worry. That was an insect."
To which one of the boys replies "I'm suprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
- ItTango0
Yeah.
As the father of a beautiful daughter, I must cut with a rusty knife myself every time I tell that joke.
- ********0
hahaha this one's really good, and wrong
--
A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife,
"Quick, bring me a beer before it starts." She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.
When he finished it, he said,
"Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start." This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.
When it was gone, he said,
"Quick, another beer, it's gonna start any second."
"That's it!" She blows her top, "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed.
"Oh shit, it's started"- oh man you're just a winner on this thread aren't you crouwelbigtrick
- clap clap clap :)SlashPeckham
- ********0
OH SHIT!! BEST ONE:
---Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.
His wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
- ********0
i think it can't get any sicker for now:
---I was walking along a high cliff one day and saw a little boy, all alone. He was crying.
I asked him, "Son, what are you doing up here all alone?"
He replied, with tears in his eyes, "My mum's down there at the bottom. She fell!"
"That's terrible!" I said. "And your dad?"
"He's down there right next to her. He tried to save her and he fell, too!"
"That's awful!" I said. We shared a quiet moment there, together, looking out at the sky over that grand cliff.
And then, when he asked me why I was unbuckling my belt, I told him.
"Son, today just isn't your day."- HAHAFHDFHHAH HAHAHAH HAHAH HAHAHAHHH AHHAHAHA
!!
!$@#!$@!#********
- HAHAFHDFHHAH HAHAHAH HAHAH HAHAHAHHH AHHAHAHA
- ********0
What's yellow and lives off dead beetles?
Yoko Ono.
- ********0
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your habit? I'll explain later."
The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked,
"Sister, have you seen a soldier?"
The nun replied, "He went that way."
After the MP's ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her habit and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq."
The nun said, "I understand completely."
The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!"
The nun replied, "If you'd looked a little higher, you'd have seen a great pair of balls... I don't want to go to Iraq either."
- ********0
Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.
Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"
"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.
"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."
"Fook off you liar!".
"I'll prove it," Murphy says.
So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"
"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"
- ********0
A woman has been in a coma for 3 months, showing no signs of recovery.
One day, whilst giving her a bed bath, the nurse notices that there is a flicker on the monitor when they are cleaning her cunt.
The doctors send for her husband and tactfully explain the situation suggesting that he tries oral sex to see if it gets a bigger response. So the medical staff draw the curtains to give him some privacy and await developements.
After about five minutes all the monitors suddenly go berserk and they rush in to find the woman stone dead.
"What happened?" demands a doctor...
"Dunno, reckon she mighta choked" comes the reply
- ********0
last one
--What's the difference between a gay and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your sausage.