question for dads
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- xenicon0
I had a funny feeling in addition to the elation and pleasure part of which was having a reason to be doing as best as I could that children made me see. I became a better human being by being less theoretical. You can make a child happy. You can fix things.
What is funny as I began to think to myself how was my father when I was 14 months old? Or where was I when I was 4 and how old was he again? This part was a curve ball that being a father throws you. Your mortality long at one end is shorter on the other. Just the way it is.
- exador10
you'll worry a lot.
all the time.
and you know what..
all the worry is for nothing.a good friend of mine once said,
y'know...if you're a decent person, with good sense and a level head, it's actually pretty hard to screw up badly...and he was absolutely right..
my wife and i have 2 children, a girl almost 4, and a 1yr old boy...
with our daughter, we've worried lately that she might not be a good eater, whether her diet is good etc...
well...
my wife went to a community centre the other day that had a seminar on healthy eating and children 'fussy eaters' that sorta thing..
a) turns out our daughter is doing great and has a wicked good diet...we were worried for nothing...
b) some of the weird shit she heard from the other parents makes us feel like 'mom and dad of the year'...
so look...
you'll worry about all sorts of things, but ultimately, if you've got a brain, good common sense, and a TON of patience, you'll be totally ok...
- exador10
whups.,..didn't really answer the question well..
did i have any anxiety?
a little i suppose...whether or not i'd be a good dad, a good provider, that sort of thing..
wasn't terribly concerned about my identity..i know who i am :)becoming a dad does actually change your relationship with your wife a bit...its only natural...you've now got priorities and responsibilities you didn't have before...
you can't just decide to go out for beers at a momments notice, or sleep in, or whatever, or expect intimacy whenever it suits you, sort of thing...
none of that exists in the same way once kids are in the picture...but, in exchange for these things, you get an incredible little person that smiles at you and gives you hugs all the time...
or in the case of my 4 year old daughter, runs around telling me that she's mowgali from the jungle book, and that i'm her elephant
and that folks, is way more fun than sleeping in on saturdays
:)
ex
- ToxicDesign0
Well, Congratulations are in order.
Now, change your name from "Spunik" to something more feminine so we don't make the same mistake again.
If you're looking for some solid advice, here's mine:
"Women do the Deed, Men plant the Seed"
That's it! :)
- spendogg0
Hey marina, I have not read through the other posts, but having a 5 month old at home - it is all very fresh.
We were very freaked out about everything from finances to pre natal tests to post-partum. We read every thing we could get our hands on - dont take one sources point of view, get many and figure out what is best for you.
It was amazing how much support we got financially from family and friends - the only thing we bought was a crib. thank jeebus for the baby shower and consignment stores.
One thing that changed for me pre-birth was going to "Daddy Boot Camp" it gave me confidence and I learned a ton of shit from other dads and got some hands on baby exerience. Dad's have a fear of not knowing what to do, get him confidence as soon as possible.
But when the baby comes all the pre-birth stress goes away and its amazing how adaptive we are. If you want some more detail and tips - send me an email.
:)
- OSFA0
Now, change your name from "Spunik" to something more feminine
ToxicDesign
(Mar 22 07, 10:19)hahaha
- Rand0
Now, change your name from "Spunk" to something more feminine
ToxicDesign
(Mar 22 07, 10:19)
- -sputnik-0
i'm really amazed and grateful for all your responses...it sounds like there are some pretty amazing dads around here, and some beautiful kids too. you've helped me a lot just by sharing you experience, so thanks again!
*changes name to "spunk" :\
- Point50
I can relate to a lot of what exador's talking about. I stress out quite a bit about my parenting skills and instinct and it may all stem from the fact that my father left when I was 4 months old and I never met him (he has since passed from lukemia and I never met him). I think I tend to "overwork" my figure as a dad and also expect a lot from my kids; more than they are capable of giving me, or are capable of understanding when I break down and give lectures. But I'll be damned, if coming home and having your kids run to the door screaming "DAAAaaaad!" for hugs and kisses isn't one of the greatest feelings on this planet... that right there tells me I'm alive, and hell, I'm doing something halfway right.
- tconn0
Totally freaked out when my wife got pregnant. Thought about running away. All of it. And what I eventually figured out, all these feelings are perfectly normal. Having kids means real honest-to-God responsibility. Which is scary. Don't freak out that you're freaking out. When you see your child for the first time, all those feelings will go away. It's the most amazing thing. You'll be fine.
- JSK0
did you get someone preg?
are you thinking of running away to another country?
are you the one who is asking about work visa / work in another country?
- -sputnik-0
lol! i'm the one knocked up. my husband is adorable, happy and supportive, but i know that he has some anxiety, probably mostly about finances.
we've been planning for a while but even if we had $100 Gs in the bank, i think he'd still be worried.
i just want to know if there's anything i can do to alleviate any of that or help in any way.
- material-10
did you get someone preg?
JSK
(Mar 22 07, 08:35)hahaha, yes, herself
- -sputnik-0
did you get someone preg?
JSK
(Mar 22 07, 08:35)hahaha, yes, herself
material
(Mar 22 07, 08:38)turkey baster ;)
- material-10
hehe
- ItTango0
when you were expecting, did you feel much anxiety? were you worried about how your life, identity, relationship would change? finances?
-sputnik-
(Mar 22 07, 08:34)Yes.
- grunttt0
if you thnk 100 G's is going to cover it you're in big trouble!!!
jk. =)
- k0na_an0k0
I can't say from personal experience, but I can tell you from what I've seen this is normal. It's a huge life changing moment. Finances are but a small part of it. You're thinking OMG am I going to raise this kid right or is he/she going to be a dumbass? What school are we going to send them to? Shit... is this stroller safe... it doesn't look safe. College?!? OMG COLLEGE!
It's a lot to take in all at once but just understand you've got YEARS for it all to fall into place.
I've got two nephews who are 19 and 18 months old and both Dads I could see felt the same way, but now that it's over they're both like... shit, that was easier than I though.
The first month-two months will be tuff though from what they tell me.
- material-10
ask gramme, he might have a few extra G's laying around
- sherman0
Having a baby taught me patience. Like a little garden that you swoon over, after the first few weeks you will start to see your rewards.
Nothing is more beautiful then your baby.
My advice is to get your personal spending in before they are born because after it can start to get pretty tight depending on your situation.
I freelance so im at home all the time which has its ups and downs.
All the best!!!! Your gonna love it!