question for dads
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- -sputnik-0
i'm really amazed and grateful for all your responses...it sounds like there are some pretty amazing dads around here, and some beautiful kids too. you've helped me a lot just by sharing you experience, so thanks again!
*changes name to "spunk" :\
- tconn0
Totally freaked out when my wife got pregnant. Thought about running away. All of it. And what I eventually figured out, all these feelings are perfectly normal. Having kids means real honest-to-God responsibility. Which is scary. Don't freak out that you're freaking out. When you see your child for the first time, all those feelings will go away. It's the most amazing thing. You'll be fine.
- Point50
I can relate to a lot of what exador's talking about. I stress out quite a bit about my parenting skills and instinct and it may all stem from the fact that my father left when I was 4 months old and I never met him (he has since passed from lukemia and I never met him). I think I tend to "overwork" my figure as a dad and also expect a lot from my kids; more than they are capable of giving me, or are capable of understanding when I break down and give lectures. But I'll be damned, if coming home and having your kids run to the door screaming "DAAAaaaad!" for hugs and kisses isn't one of the greatest feelings on this planet... that right there tells me I'm alive, and hell, I'm doing something halfway right.
- Rand0
Now, change your name from "Spunk" to something more feminine
ToxicDesign
(Mar 22 07, 10:19)
- OSFA0
Now, change your name from "Spunik" to something more feminine
ToxicDesign
(Mar 22 07, 10:19)hahaha
- spendogg0
Hey marina, I have not read through the other posts, but having a 5 month old at home - it is all very fresh.
We were very freaked out about everything from finances to pre natal tests to post-partum. We read every thing we could get our hands on - dont take one sources point of view, get many and figure out what is best for you.
It was amazing how much support we got financially from family and friends - the only thing we bought was a crib. thank jeebus for the baby shower and consignment stores.
One thing that changed for me pre-birth was going to "Daddy Boot Camp" it gave me confidence and I learned a ton of shit from other dads and got some hands on baby exerience. Dad's have a fear of not knowing what to do, get him confidence as soon as possible.
But when the baby comes all the pre-birth stress goes away and its amazing how adaptive we are. If you want some more detail and tips - send me an email.
:)
- ToxicDesign0
Well, Congratulations are in order.
Now, change your name from "Spunik" to something more feminine so we don't make the same mistake again.
If you're looking for some solid advice, here's mine:
"Women do the Deed, Men plant the Seed"
That's it! :)
- exador10
whups.,..didn't really answer the question well..
did i have any anxiety?
a little i suppose...whether or not i'd be a good dad, a good provider, that sort of thing..
wasn't terribly concerned about my identity..i know who i am :)becoming a dad does actually change your relationship with your wife a bit...its only natural...you've now got priorities and responsibilities you didn't have before...
you can't just decide to go out for beers at a momments notice, or sleep in, or whatever, or expect intimacy whenever it suits you, sort of thing...
none of that exists in the same way once kids are in the picture...but, in exchange for these things, you get an incredible little person that smiles at you and gives you hugs all the time...
or in the case of my 4 year old daughter, runs around telling me that she's mowgali from the jungle book, and that i'm her elephant
and that folks, is way more fun than sleeping in on saturdays
:)
ex
- exador10
you'll worry a lot.
all the time.
and you know what..
all the worry is for nothing.a good friend of mine once said,
y'know...if you're a decent person, with good sense and a level head, it's actually pretty hard to screw up badly...and he was absolutely right..
my wife and i have 2 children, a girl almost 4, and a 1yr old boy...
with our daughter, we've worried lately that she might not be a good eater, whether her diet is good etc...
well...
my wife went to a community centre the other day that had a seminar on healthy eating and children 'fussy eaters' that sorta thing..
a) turns out our daughter is doing great and has a wicked good diet...we were worried for nothing...
b) some of the weird shit she heard from the other parents makes us feel like 'mom and dad of the year'...
so look...
you'll worry about all sorts of things, but ultimately, if you've got a brain, good common sense, and a TON of patience, you'll be totally ok...
- xenicon0
I had a funny feeling in addition to the elation and pleasure part of which was having a reason to be doing as best as I could that children made me see. I became a better human being by being less theoretical. You can make a child happy. You can fix things.
What is funny as I began to think to myself how was my father when I was 14 months old? Or where was I when I was 4 and how old was he again? This part was a curve ball that being a father throws you. Your mortality long at one end is shorter on the other. Just the way it is.
- blaw0
... but because of my attitude everything is great...
LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT.
Point5
(Mar 22 07, 09:47)----
yes, sir. that's a fact.
helluva tale, point5.
- Point50
I thought I was going to lose my mind when my son's mother was pregnant. I was stressed out, lost a bunch of weight, couldn't sleep... then when his birth came, there was blood everywhere, I thought I was going to pass out. Then about 7 months later, the stress of working 2 jobs (for a total of about 70-80 hours per week) and being a father and a boyfriend kicked in double time it seemed. We broke up, went our separate ways, and I was a single father for about 3 years. Then, lightning strikes, and I get another woman pregnant! I thought my life was over as I was barely making it with 1 child. I thought life had bottomed out... I was in deep depression. Then one day, and I don't know why, I just fuckin pulled myself up and got positive about every situation in my life! And here I am married to my son's mother (Yes, we got back together after all the shit we went through) and life is great! My children are now 6 (son) and 2 (daughter). And you know what, life is even more difficult than it was, but because of my attitude everything is great... I'm happy! The truth is that in child expenses alone, about $1650/month just seems to flow out of the bank account, but I'm investing in the future and well being of my children, so the blow is really soft.
LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT.
- OSFA0
haha, nice morilla...
- gramme0
ask gramme, he might have a few extra G's laying around
material
(Mar 22 07, 08:42)haha
prolly not.
- monoboy0
I changed jobs a month after my wife got preggers and we also bought a house when she was 6 months gone. All a bit stressy.
but If you waited until you think you've got enough cash and job security you'd never have kids.
It's all a blast, and when you get your bundle of joy, everything else just falls into place.
- morilla0
yes, everything changes. As far as stress, not really. It really didn't become real until the day she came into our lives.
she is worth every minute
- horton0
hey sputnik does your man have any guy friends with kids? a buddy that he can talk "daddy" stuff over a beer?
that makes a huge difference.
- OSFA0
btw, CONGRATULATIONS!!!
- -sputnik-0
lol itTango..what a cutie!
i appreciate everyone's input. i guess i didn't realize that worrying about whether my husband was ok was causing me anxiety. hearing from you is really helping...thanks.
- blaw0
pvn. the 'v' stands for 'virile'.