I am...
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- material-10
my parents split when I was 5. my buddies parents stayed together till he was 18. He has way more bad stories than I do. While I do wonder sometimes what it would have been like to have a dad in the house growing up, I think it was, and is, best if parents follow their hearts and don't make choices based on the kids
- CyBrain0
I'm in the same situation. I've only been married for 5 months, but we're on the verge of something bad. And to make matters, we're buying a place together. We're moving a week from Thursday. The pressure is unimaginable.
I wish you the best. There really is some great advice here.
- gramme0
she doesn't matter, you don't matter, only he does. 9-10? at that age he's dad's best friend and a wad of willing play-dough. now is your time to shine as a dad, not nic.
version4
(Feb 6 07, 12:22)All respect Justin, but I strongly disagree with that. Kids are obviously important, more so than career, friends, etc., but I think the best gift that parents can give to their kids is a healthy marriage, or at least your most rigorous attempt at this (more on that topic later). Your ability as a husband is inextricable from your ability as a father. Being a good listener, a compassionate leader and a humble man is necessary for both.
I personally believe that my own marriage would go to shit without Divine intervention. But I take hope because of the Divine. I'm so sick of people getting married because of love. It's not love that binds, it's friendship. Commitment. Conviction. Sure love is deeply involved in it (or at least it should be), but most of us don't know shit about deep marital love until we've lived it out, day to day, for years.
People these days take on and discard marriages like items of clothing. Promises don't seem to mean very much anymore...and thus we all go around looking over our shoulders because we've come to expect everyone we meet to be liars and thieves. We become expendable to eachother. The whole thing makes me very sad.
- gramme0
sorry if i added to your depression, nic. I'm just saying maybe you shouldn't give up yet.
- jevad0
No depression...not anymore anyway. Just a lot of questions and not many answers...well until this thread anyway...now I have more answers than questions...er....
- version30
“You cannot make someone love you. You can only make yourself someone who can be loved.”
-Derek Gamba
- ********0
When there is kids involved, you and your feelings are no longer first in line.
- version30
When we lose one we love, our bitterest tears are called forth by the memory of hours when we loved not enough.
-Maurice Maeterlinck
- version30
A child's hand in yours -- what tenderness and power it arouses. You are instantly the very touchstone of wisdom and strength.
-Marjorie Holmes
- monkeyshine0
I am, I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair- Neil Diamond
- version30
The power to bring me out of solitude - or to push me back into it - had never belonged to another person. It was mine and only mine.
-Martha Beck
- version30
All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.
-Ann Landers
- jevad0
If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives, jobs. And maybe your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery, isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance. Of how much you really want to do it. And you'll do it, despite rejection in the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods. And the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is."
-Charles Bukowski
- CP120
I needed to hear this today, thx.
- jevad0
The more I read the quote, the more I understand about myself..and what a FUCKING awesome quote it is....
- gramme0
i hear the hollow voice of the grave talking through Bukowski there, jevad. Sounds like a great recipe for despair and loneliness.
- smltom0
I have two boys, 20 and 22 and my life has always revolved around them. You have a 9 year old that will be more rewarding than any relationship. It's a shame that you are experiencing difficulties sharing this with your partner. I just had a conversation with my kids and a couple of their friends and they said that the happiest day of their lives was when they came to my office and I did a photo shoot of them skate boarding. I got so emotional when they reminded me of that. Sometimes "family" is more important than the relationship.
- horton0
i hear the hollow voice of the grave talking through Bukowski there, jevad. Sounds like a great recipe for despair and loneliness.
gramme
(Feb 13 07, 16:58)* puke