Courtesy Flush
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- CALLES0
i never understood how people miss the hole and lay it on the seat or half seat and half floor... i mean i understand if its spray but a dookie... just baffles me. it was probably cotton
- ********0
In college, me and my buddy were boozing before going out for the nite, and I left to go to the bathroom.
I got the brite idea to instead of taking a numero dos in the toilet, to do so in one of the urinals.
So I did.
I said nothing, and just waited.
Later he came back and was like, "Someone shiii .... you fucking shit in teh fucking urinal you sick bastard. There is like a crowd of people talking about it."
He was the only person in on the "joke", haha.
So from that point on, I made it my goal in life to take poo's in the most random places on our floor.
Garbage can was an obvious choice, A shower stall was second which worked out beatuifully because I decided to shower in the one next to it and go to hear, "Whaaa-AAHHH! DUDE HE SHIT IN MY STALL!"
My muffled laughter at the reaction and the "dude" and "my stall" part almost gave it away. I peeked my head out and went, "What the hell are you babbling about ... fuck that is just abso-fucking-lutely disgusting."
And just swung the sheet back.
The "Phantom Shitter" was becoming widely known. No bathroom was safe.
The whole thing about this, was I didn't really care. I had a key to the guest bathroom for girls when they came, so I had a perfectly private place to do what I wanted rite across my room as opposed to walking halfway around the building just to smell my own shit.
Then it hit me. Sabotage myself.
So I did, I took a shit ... in the sink.
The "shit" hit the fan at that point, as I started raising hell.
The R.A. started putting up posters about finding this person and I just kept silently laughing to myself, and whenever my friends would come over they would think it was the grossest thing ever, but at the same time highly high-larious.
One day, all the posters had, "JEROME = PHANTOM SHITTER."
Which was a good guess, Out of the 40-50 people on the floor I was probably the only jerk who would do something like that.
My fun was over as my R.A. (we were pretty good friends, haha), went, "Alrite Jerome, even if it's not you, I know you know who it is ... just get ... them ... to stop it. It's really fucking disgusting."
The Phantom Shitter was never heard from again.
... Plus I ended up getting kicked out shortly after that for something completely different.
- Jaline0
Oh, Jerome.
- ********0
bte
- mg330
Long story, but great.
When I was in the 5th grade, I bought a piece of fake dog poop at Six Flags while my mom was in town in Texas, visiting from Boston.
We were staying at my grandparents house, and my Nana could be rather an extremist at times.
So I took the poop and taped it to the toilet seat, and put the lid down so it just poked out the side.
She went into the bathroom to do something, actually to clean off a makeup tray with about a million lipsticks on it.
I hid in the hallway, VHS recorder at the ready.
All by herself after cleaning the tray she just says "And I'm not gonna do this a God Damnit again."
Then she looks down and notices the poop and calls out like a banshee, "Oooh Michael what is that!"
And turns around and see's me with the video camera and goes "OH DOGGONE YOU! MICHAEL! STOP IT!"
Then yells out to my grandfather "Jerry,. come in here and look what he did!"
My mom is hysterical laughing, I'm hysterical laughing, my grandfather comes out of his office room, and says "where! what!"
My Nana:
"Look on the toilet seat! God Darnit - get away from me Michael I'm mad at you! Jerry, what is that??"Then to me she says "Oh yah that's so funny!"
He walks into the bathroom and looks at the toilet and says "That's doo-doo what the hell do you think it is?"
My Nana:
"Oh MY GOD! You scared me half to death!"Then my grandaddy goes "If that would have been an alligator you wouldn't have had a bigger fit."
So my Nana calms down a bit, but says "Get away from me! and looks right into the camera and says "I'm gonna knock your head right off."
I have that all on video, it's at my Mom's house in Texas.
It's actually my Nana's 85th birthday today, and every time she watches that video I think she gets younger. I can't wish enough that I had it to show you guys.
- harlequino0
This thread doesn't smell so good.
*flushes
*leaves
- cotton0
good work jerome. you should have taken pictures of all the phantom turds for a memorable photo album.
. ..and i thought shitting on a toothbrush was bad.. .
i still wonder about the shit-streaks on public restroom stall walls though.
- ********0
hahahaha that's great mg!
(I call my Nana, Nana too! And she is also extremist crazy!)
- ********0
(In a good way, of course, haha.)
- ********0
Haha oh man, I'm just thinking of poo stories I have so many.
In 5th grade, this kid asked to go to the bathroom in class. La-di-da. No one (not even the teacher, so this should you tell you something about the kid) noticed he NEVER came back.
So we all got ready for gym class, and as we walk outside (or run kicking the doors open like a ninja like me) we here, "Help ... * sniffle sniffle * ... help."
The kid had to take a shit, and lived behind the alley. So instead of going at school, he decided to go home.
Except he had to climb a big ass fucking fence.
And couldn't.
And got stuck.
And shit himself.
Word spread quick, and the kids from the other 2 5th grade classes ran out to laugh.
The kid probably wanted to kill himself.
And I'm probably top on his list of people, whenever he goes to sleep, puts makeup on, cleans his gun and dreams of killing everyone from that day.
- mg330
I think it would be funny to get a big adult diaper, size 36 at least, and just lay a huge log in it and just leave it laying on the floor in a bathroom.
- mg330
Oh, and watch this:
- barbtastic0
another dad story:
need to preface by saying that since the surgery, his gas more toxic than before...
he loves to "initiate" his new employees by cutting a nasty one loose while he shows them how to use one of the machines in the shop, like the metal lathe. he'll say "now you try it", he walks away and watches them suffer in the fog... they are all too timid to say anything to their new boss hahahaha
- Jaline0
I've been eating my lunch while reading this thread.
By the way, it takes me hours to eat my lunch at work because I use the computer at the same time, and my stomach is small so I don't eat very much at one go. This time it took me from 12:00pm until 2:30pm and I'm leaving in about 30 minutes.
I guess I can tolerate more now.
- mg330
"suffer in the fog"
There's that bandname someone was asking for recently!
- CALLES0
And couldn't.
And got stuck.
And shit himself.
flavorful
(Oct 6 06, 11:15)so are you telling me that the kid just hanged there kicking and crapping? the only way that could be better is if he was fat too? was he fat?
- pyeaton0
My old boss was the Picasso of Shit. He could "smash" on command, and lay waste to a bathroom for days. I mean his ass had staying power. The quality of his skids were amazing. The swooshes, the streaks of tan fading to brown, mixed with the stench of a pile of rotting cole slaw mixed with dog shit was truly one of the most amazing talent I have ever seen. And as for his farting, wow! Like a bag of hot trash.
- pyeaton0
I once smashed in a washing machine at a kegger in college.
- ********0
Nah, he wasn't fat. I could have died from being in hilarious heaven if that were the case.
- mg330
Once on the way back from a Colorado ski trip, we stopped off in New Mexico for gas and snacks. All my friends in there waiting to use the toilet or in line buying stuff.
In the bathroom (single toilet M/W kind), I took the toilet tank lid, climbed up on the sink and hid it above the ceiling tiles.
One friend used it after me and didn't say anything about it.Then, we're all in line, and this hick woman that worked there went in to restock the bathroom or something, comes right back out and says "Fred, werrs the Ter-Lit lid at?"
Fred: "What?"
Woman: "The Ter-Lit lid, the top on the baaack, IT'S GONE, JUST GONE!"
I almost lost it laughing in line.