Crap jokes
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- muftak0
Two motorways are chatting up a couple of pretty B-roads when suddenly a thin piece of red tarmac walks into the bar. Everyone goes silent. The red tarmac walks over to the two motorways, picks up each of their pints, takes a drink and spits it all over them. Then with one final glare round the bar it storms out.
The two b-roads were deeply unipressed with this and ask the motorways 'Why, if they are the biggest, most important roads in the country, did they put up with that'
To which they reply 'Start a fight with him...are you mad!!! He's a fucking cyclepath!'hmm...i think you would've had to have been then.
- ********0
lmao, runDMB!
- ********0
..........................GOVERN... NOTICE..........................
January 1, 1995
To: All Male Taxpayers
From: IRS
RE: Notice of Increase in Tax Payment Form 1040P
--------------------------------...
The only thing the IRS has not yet taxed is your penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20% of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up, and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of this, it has two dependents and both are nuts.Accordingly, starting January 1, 2001 your penis will be taxed according to its size. To determine your category, please consult the chart below and confirm this information on page 2, section 7, line 3 of your standard 1040 form.
*12-10 inches --Luxury Tax --$50.00
10-8 inches --Pole Tax --$30.00
8-6 inches --Privilege Tax --$15.00
6-4 inches --Nuisance Tax --$5.00Please Note:
------------ Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a full refund.
- * Males exceeding 12 inches must file for Capital Gains.Please do not request an extension
--------------------------------...Sincerely,
Pecker Checker
Internal Revenue Services****NOTE****
We are still waiting for answers for the following questions:
- Are there penalties for early withdrawals?
- What if one's penis is self employed?
- Do multiple partners count as a corporation?
- Are condoms a deductible expense as work clothes?
- Is there an additional tax if you are not circumcised?
- ********0
sick:
A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog on a leash. She sits down at the bar next to a drunk.
The drunk rolls around, leans over, and "Splat! " He pukes all over the dog. The drunk looks down, sees the little dog struggling in the pool of vomit, and slurs, "I don't remember eating that!
- ********0
A man is at the bar, really drunk. Some guys decide to be good samaritans and get him home.
So they pick him up off the floor, and drag him out the door. On the way to the car, he falls down three times. When they get to his house, they help him out of the car and, he falls down four more times.
They ring the bell, and one says, "Here's your husband!"
The man's wife says, "Where the hell is his wheelchair?"
- ********0
Three guys are drinking in a bar, when another man comes in and starts drinking at the bar. After a while he approaches the guys, and pointing at the one in the middle, shouts "I've fucked your mom!"
The three guys look bewildered and the man resumes drinking at the bar.
Ten minutes later he comes back and screams, "Your mom's sucked my cock!"
Ten more minutes and the same thing happens. He announces loudly, "I've had your mom up the ass!"
The young guys have had enough of this, and the one in the middle stands up and shouts, "Dad, you're drunk, go home!"
- rebooted0
A man Walks into a bar with a pile of dog shit in his hand and says, 'Look what I nearly trod in!'
- rebooted0
What do you say to an out of work actor ?
Large Bic Mac Meal Please
- rebooted0
last one!
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
- DeviceUnseen0
how about craplinks?
- Jadran0
A guy and a horse are living togheter and the horse do'nt like the guy !
- Jadran0
How long is a Chinese ?
- ********0
What's the difference between
a bass player and a drummer?bass players take the dishes out of the sink before they piss in it!
- Jadran0
The Witte & the Watte were sitting in a tree , the Witte fell out of the tree .
Who was still in the tree ???
- ********0
the Watte?
- thecrab0
4cy
U should answerWatte?
so Jadran can tell that same joke
over
and over
again
- Jadran0
It are just jokes that not workout in English.don't mind
- sexypixel0
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:
"A pint for me please, and one for the road."
- sexypixel0
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you?"