blog
Out of context: Reply #67639
- Started
- Last post
- 76,739 Responses
- kona16
Last night while our three kids were sitting at the kitchen table eating, I had grabbed the carton of eggs from the fridge which was inside a plastic Jewel bag. I sat the eggs, bag and all down next to the stove and cracked two open to cook. I left the carton in the bag because they were a little messy still from letting the boys color them for Easter.
As the eggs cooked I walked over to the table to get water for the boys. It was then that our most mischievous cat decided to climb into the jewel bag. I heard an intense meow, then crash, and I turn to see the cat had gotten its’ head stuck in the handle opening of the bag. As the cat fell from the counter, luckily missing the pan on the stove and knocking off the utensils and plate I had placed up there, I ran to try and grab her to help. Mind you, our floors are hardwood, I was wearing thin socks, and our cats aren't declawed. Imagine what I'm telling you next if it were the mother f*cking ice capades.
She raced frantically across the floor towards the office and I gave chase, too fast unfortunately, as my socks slipped on the wood floor and my left knee crashed hard into the corner of the cabinet.
As I laid scream-laughing in pain, I watched helplessly as the cat raced straight towards the leg of our office desk. I was now in a panic as I thought for sure the cat would either break its’ poor neck or its’ legs. The cat was on one side, the bag, still around her neck pulling a carton full of eggs still on the other wrapped themselves around the leg at full speed. The speed at which the cat was running flung the jewel bag around and catapulted all but 3 eggs out of the carton and onto the office floor. It was amazing actually...
The cat gathered herself and still with the bag stuck around her neck, ran for the front room. I gave chase and didn’t notice all of the yolk on the floor. I slipped and the fall (I’m told) resembled something that one would see in a comedy movie where the persons feet go straight up above their head and they fall flat on their back.
The cat finally jumped to the front room chair and managed to back its’ way out of the bag’s handle, but not before the bag shot up and onto the chair launching the remaining eggs onto the wall and floor.
The kids were screaming bloody murder.
The cat was meowing bloody murder.
My wife was laughing hysterically.My knee was bruised pretty badly and I was covered in eggs.
After a few minutes of cleaning off I figured I’d go upstairs to check on the cat. I walked into our sons’ bedroom and there’s the cat on the bed, all calm, giving me this look of “oh hey how’s it going what are you doing here?” like nothing had happened.
These fucking cats man.
So, I’m icing my knee and taking some Advil for my sore back. And no, I didn’t even think to take any pictures of the madness as the kids were in full-on hysterics.
The cleanup was awful. We lost a lot of good towels last night.
I can't even think about eggs as the thought alone conjures up the smell which makes me want to vomit.
- lol********
- classic kona story, lol.grotesk_neue
- what's a jewel bag?fooler
- haha - holy shit. that's a gripping story! glad you and the cat are (basically) ok.bulletfactory
- enjoyed thatfadein11
- haha, sorry fooler. Jewel is a grocery store near us. It was a plastic grocery bag.kona
- damn. eggs are a nightmare to clean up.shapesalad
- Best method I heard is to take a hairdryer and 'dry' the egg, then scrap/brush it out of sofa etc.shapesalad
- this is the dog that worried the cat
that killed the rat that ate the malt
that lay in the house that kona builtdrgs - haha, longform blog posts about personal disaster are my favourites!detritus
- Good story, well written, spills and thrills....eggcellen... poststoplying
- *SLAPdetritus
- hahahaha. Excellent.
Well composed too !
The writing that is.******** - hahaha "We lost a lot of good towels last night" classic domestic war story.kingsteven
- "I gave chase" < I liked that.notype
- funny story dude and yeah I enjoy your prose as well.HijoDMaite
- i'd say tl;dr but man you can tell a story. catapulting. word of the day.jaylarson
- hahaha what a story Mark!
it could easily trun into a tragedy if the pan was knocked down.Beeswax - someone needs to comic strip this or create an animation.mrAtor
- Lol, great story, cheered up my friday morning no end!dee-dubs
- Wait till you see what your cat has planned for you this evening! Mwhahahahahah!microkorg
- https://youtu.be/Xfd…cannonball1978
- lol