Made a Short film, Let me know what you think??
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- blessed0
@epill Thanks!!!
- epill0
i think for me there is this initial lack of common ground as the main character is being singled out as who he is by his demographic, but then is pushed to be an every day person that is relatable to anyone..
i think that initial disconnect with the direction starting out as this is a british guy, in london..
if you take out that small bit, and make it a location-less arena, then i think the American voice over is fine. otherwise change the voice over to match the content.
at first it was looked at to be a joke on Brits by americans thru the voice over has no real relation to the main subject. try to blend that together more fluid and your work shine that much more.
- blessed0
@VikingKingEleven I sure do..
- VikingKingEleven0
Blessed you're like an eager cat and I really appreciate that.
The most valuable information QBN has to offer is its constructive criticism which many find as a nuisance and attitude.
Value it my friend because they're some great designers on here.
- blessed0
anymore????
- blessed0
@mg33 That would work if it was a sports advert.. but the fact it was the voice, its almost like the character is living his own movie.
- well, then how about a voice that matches the person? they just don't go together.mg33
- How do know its not his voice?blessed
- well if he is "British" he shouldnt have that american voiceepill
- or maybe take out that lil bit about it being a London morning commute.epill
- make it relatable to everyone anywhere..epill
- its not suppose to go together, its about him living his life like a film.blessed
- blessed0
@big-papes Thanks
- mg330
I'd like it more if it seemed like it was the guy in the movie talking. Like, talking in his head or something. Occasional out-of-breath segments when he's running.
- big-papes0
love the music, good choice
- blessed0
Anymore ideas?
- blessed0
@evanburke You are 1000% right!! thanks alot
- blessed0
@evanburke Thanks for forgiving me for the rack-focus.
The best Crit so far!!
- evanburke0
Blessed, can I make a suggestion?
Take the opening shot and apply motion-stabilizing to it. If it wasn't so jerky, it would perform far better as an establishing shot, and look a lot smoother (panning backwards, right?). When it first started playing, I thought I was watching some student project or youtube video because it was so jerky. I think if it was stabilized and smoothed, it would help introduce the film better, give a better first impression, then let the gritty shaky-cam kick in.
plus you'd get more of a jarring effect as you edit to the next shot, the tight mid-section shot of the guy running.
Just an idea.
- evanburke0
I do agree with Tausk that there needs to be more to the ending. Asking "What if...?" isn't enough. There needs to be an answer of some sort.
- An answer, or an alternative. Change your career, change your life, change your pace, etc.evanburke
- Mmm I don't know if I agree with that, you watch a short film to capture a moment. Not to be told the answers, because the beauty of life is we don't know the answer. We just strive to be better.blessed
- blessed0
@BaskerviIle What did you understand about it??
Because I had a look with no sound didn't get a message..VO and music aids the short film in my opinion.
- evanburke0
"There's no need for a voiceover. It's like an ad or public service announcement"
That's the whole *point*, that's why it's entertaining. The old-school play-by-play contrasted with modern day aesthetic. I also disagree that a British voice would have improved it. The american voice is far more dry. Again, a good contrast to the gritty and real style of shooting.
I completely disagree with Baskerville, the VO made it.
Tausk was right about the DoF action, all the rack-focus in the party scene was a bit much, but forgivable.
This was a cute and succinct little movie, and a satisfying use of 3 minutes.
- ok_not_ok0
kinda remind me of...
- inteliboy0
easy to watch, laid back - doesn't take it's self to seriously.
agreed that the voiceover is distracting, would have been better as a brit, or with none at all. would have forced you to be more direct with the imagery as well, rather then relying on narration.
- BaskerviIle0
I agree with others, but would go further.
There's no need for a voiceover. It's like an ad or public service announcement. If you can't communicate the idea through the action on screen and editing, then you've failed. Equally no need for text to come up on screen.
The music was no way near tense enough, in fact it was pretty terrible. I turned my speakers off and enjoyed it much more and still got the message.
Some of the shots are good. Some others are less so.Let the action and the editing tell the story and let the music really hit it home. no need for a VO in my opinion
- blessed0
- Why do you keep reposting your video? Guzman is that you?VikingKingEleven